Tuesday

- Hehehe, I feel so good right now. Is it considered 'weird'...you know...for someone to be as blissfully happy as I am? Are that many people missing out on the shivers I'm feeling right now to view my constant grin and dizzy swoon as some sort of abnormality? Maybe even a form of insanity?

The bad thing is...I don't think I really care, either way! Hehehe! Let 'em look. Let 'em stare and whisper and call me crazy. It just...it feels too good for it to matter. Or for me to suppress for the sake of looking 'less happy'. That's a crowd I'm totally not interested in fitting in with right now.

Hehehhe! Sorry. Ahem. I'm just feeling giggly tonight. Brandon has that effect on me.

My mom noticed that I was extra cheerful this morning when she called me in for breakfast. She kept giving me this weird look, and then, with a smile she asked, "What are you grinning about?"

The very question almost made me giggle out loud. I just said, "Nothing. Just another sunshine day, I s'pose."

She nodded at my awkward behavior, but couldn't help to feel a little brighter herself, just from being around me. See? The world could be such an awesome place if people spent more time being madly in love! It's SO contagious.

I watched her getting ready for work, knowing that getting together with Brandon was the main event of my day. My heart began to beat a little faster when I saw her finish doing her hair. Even faster when I saw her fully dressed and putting in a small pair of earrings. As I heard the sound of her shoes crossing the kitchen floor...my breath began to get short due to the enthusiastic trembles in my tummy. By the time I heard the rattle of her car keys and her voice calling out my name to tell me she was leaving for work, I was so weak in the knees that I had to make sure I put my phone right beside me on the bed...just in case they failed me completely and I found myself clawing at the floor in order to reach it by Brandon's second or third ring.

I said goodbye. I heard her drive off. And then I nearly fell off the edge of the bed as I stifled a happy little squeal and enjoyed having the whole house to myself for the rest of the afternoon! My mom wants me to put a roast in the oven an hour or so before she gets home...but she already prepared everything and all I've gotta do is stick it in the oven. That takes, what...two minutes? Other than that...this is now my official Summer bachelor pad! And I've already got a hot piece of tail lined up! Hehehe!

Oh wait, can I call Brandon that? Oh...well...yeah! Yeah, that's fine. Because he IS! It's not like I'd be hiding it from him!

I showered and brushed my teeth and then just put on an oversized t-shirt and a pair of bright red nylon soccer shorts. No underwear. I figured they would just get in the way anyway. You wanna know something? I think my shorts made me even hornier than I was before! Something about that soft, shiny, fabric...touching me all over like that down there...I could barely sit still. Hehehe, it just made me 'slide around' a little bit more. The sensation is indescribable.

Come on, Brandon. Call me. Please? I know it's early and stuff, but...call me! Call me, call me, CALL ME!!!

I was praying that he wouldn't get cold feet. Or make me wait all morning like some kind of hyper active puppy, only to give me a ring 15 minutes before my mom comes home from work.

I wanted to masturbate sooooo BADLY! I tried watching something on television, but I couldn't make it through a single commercial break without getting all stiff and 'squirmy' again! It got to be so bad that I actually had to catch myself and keep from doing it involuntarily. I'd be looking at the screen, and it's like my hand would crawl down there all by itself...almost as if to innocently scratch an itch...and the next thing I knew, I was giving my hard shaft a squeeze and a stroke through the material of my shorts. Sometimes...a few squeezes. But no matter how badly I wanted to do it...no matter how loud my brain was screaming excuses at me to just go ahead and do it now so I could recharge for when Brandon got here...I was a good boy. Promise.

But, for the record...whatever angels there are up here who count the number of times I commit the horrible sin of jerking off...I'm sure they held their breath and had their pencils ready to add, yet another, offensive tik mark to my grand total. It must be one hell of an astronomically long number by now...

Finally...it's almost 11:30...and my phone rings! I really jumped up and shouted a 'hello' to him before I really had a moment to compose myself. Hehehe! Yeah, I had to ditch my pride for a little while today, but it was totally worth it! I don't mind letting him know that I was extremely anxious to see him today. I wanted him to know! There wasn't any reason to be ashamed of it, you know? Do I want to spend time sharing my love and affection with my boyfriend? Or do I want to sit at home and look 'cool' all by myself.

Yeah. Me too...

So I picked up the phone, and Brandon is like, "Oh wow! That was quick!" Then he giggled in the cutest way, and I got super super hard for him all over again!

I'm like, "Well, you had me waiting, like...forever!"

He says, "Awww, I'm sorry. I couldn't sleep last night. Like...I kept thinking about today. It kinda left me breathless. Heh...I overslept. I think...maybe I was too scared to wake up and have it not be real."

I briskly told him, "Yes. Real. Very real. When are you coming over?"

It made him laugh. God, how I missed the enchanting sound of his laugh.

He's like, "Well, I mean...I got ready and everything already, soooo..." There was a brief pause. No doubt, a short moment for him to glow with that adorable, pink hue, blush of his. And then he says, "...I guess I can come over right now. I mean...if that's ok..."

If that's ok? Is he crazy??? "Yes! NOW! Totally! Like...right now! I'll be here. You know...'waiting' and stuff." I tried to make that sound sexy, but I don't really think it worked. I need to practice that more. I think it came off as being, I don't know...creepy, maybe? Whatever. As long as it gets his cute little booty over here in a hurry, In the long run...why would it matter?

So...I wait.

And I wait some more.

And I find my hand going back down to my lap and have to fight the urge to stroke it some more. I mean, I was actually beginning to leave sticky little wet circles at the tip of my stiffy tent now! Ugh! I just...I couldn't keep from nearly exploding just from the knowledge that the house was empty and he was on his way. That we might get to finish what we started last Tuesday! Ahhhhh!!! How long has it been! Five minutes? TEN???

When I heard the doorbell ring, I ran across that living room carpet so fast that the friction nearly pulled the damn socks off of my feet!

But before I could get to the door, I heard a familiar knock that followed it. I had been hearing that knock since I was old enough to cross the street. So I wasn't surprised and had to hold in a really frustrated sigh as I opened the door to see Sam standing there on my doorstep. Not that seeing Sam on my doorstep has ever been a BAD thing....but in comparison to what I'm waiting on? Well, let's just say that it was a bit of a let down.

But I still LOVE you, Sam!!! Promise!!!

Sam's just used to walking into the house the moment I opened the door, and he side-stepped me to come in and mindlessly plop down on the couch. By the time I closed the front door, he was already kicking his shoes off. He was like, "Dude, I am SO bored, right now! You've gotta find a way to stimulate my brain before I slip into a coma. Or worse, another endless loop of YouTube videos. What's going on with you today? You wanna do something? Go somewhere?"

Trying to hide my frustration over Sam's unfortunate timing, I said, "Ummm...actually, today's not a good day. Seriously."

He looked at me and asked, "Really? How come? You sick or something?"

I said, "Well, no. I'm not sick. I just...I think that may be this weekend would be better."

Sam gave me a smirk, and he was like, "Why? What's going on this weekend?"

I'm like, "Nothing."

So he's like, "Well, what's going on today then?"

And I grunted, "Ugh...nothing!"

So he says, "So what's the difference between us hanging out today and hanging out this weekend?" I knew that he was trying to tease some more info out of me, but...almost as if he took an extra notice of the utter silence in the house, with the exception of our two voices...a light bulb lit up over his head. He smiled at me, and asked, "What kind of operation are you running here today, Billy Chase?"

Why lie? It's not like I could ever fool him into believing me, anyway. I said, "I...I sorta...look, somebody's coming over here today, ok? They'll be here any minute. So I kinda made plans, you know? JUST for today, though. I can give you a call later on tonight and..."

Sam smirked, and said, "Whoah whoah...hold on...back up to these phantom 'plans' of yours. What's that about? Who's coming over today?"

I said, "Don't! Hehehe! It's somebody, and that's all you need to know."

He's like, "Dude, so help me...if you invited Jimmy over to..."

But I stopped him. I said, "NO! It's NOT Jimmy! I wouldn't do that, dude. Come on."

So Sam says, "Ok, ok...I know. Justmaking sure. I didn't do all that work for nothing, you know?" Then he's like, "So...who is it? Who is it, Billy? TELL me! Hehehe! Dude, you know you're gonna tell me eventually! You can't keep secrets from your best boy! So you might as well tell me." Sam started taunting me with the same sing songy voice that he used to use whenever he wanted to trade up on our Halloween candy at the end of the night. He's like, "Billyyyyy...tell me who's coming over! Billyyyyyyy? Hehehe, don't make me guess, Billy. Come on. Say it. I know you wanna say it!"

I was like, "FINE! Just...stop it! Hehehe!" I rolled my eyes, but couldn't help but to let that gigantic smile return to my face as the confession built up inside of me. I was like, "It's Brandon. Ok? We made plans to spend some time alone together today. Are you happy now? Hehehe!"

Sam's eyes widened a little bit, and I saw him lean back a bit to look around the corners of the house to make sure that my Mom wasn't around. Then, with the biggest smile ever, Sam was like, "You dirty dawg! You're looking to get LUCKY up in here today, aren't you?" I tried to hush him up immediately. I don't know why. Habit, I guess. But he's like, "Your mom's gone to work, and you're in here looking to acquire yourself a warm milk man-shake on delivery! Straight from the tap! Hehehe! I'll be damned!" I gave him a little shove, and he gave me one back, saying, "LOOK at you...making Summer booty calls in the middle of the day! Shame on you!" Then he asks, "So, when is he coming over, again?"

I'm like, "He's on his way right NOW! That's why...umm...you've kinda gotta go."

He just giggled and said, "That's an early morning sex transaction, dude! Are you guys gonna at least have lunch first?"

I definitely took a boyish swing at him for that, but he expertly dodged it without much effort. I said, "We JUST wanted to spend some time together. That's all. We're...you know...'rebuilding' our relationship and stuff. Trying to make things right. We're...you know...in love. Again. Hehehe!"

He asked, "You two just can't LIVE without one another, can you?"

I crossed both fingers and said, "I hope not." Then, with a shy nod of my head, I said, "He's really the only boy I've ever loved, Sam. Through it all...he's been a part of my heart from the very beginning. Even if I didn't realize it at the time. So now that we've started talking again...I just can't think about anything else. He's the love of my life. I kinda think he always will be." I knew that I would never say this to anybody but Sam, but it was the truth. The words just spilled over with no restraint, whatsoever. Brandon really was the love of my life. We're connected in a way that no one else will ever understand. I'll never have another boy take the place that Brandon has in my heart. Not ever.

Sam was like, "Well, ain't that just the sweetest thing I've ever heard?" Then he asked, "Are you gonna put the 'Picasso' on him today? Show him how AWESOME you are at sex? Because I heard you were AWESOME! Hehehe!" He joked!

I said, "I don't seem to remember getting anything but compliments from YOU, ol' buddy, ol' pal!"

Sam laughed it off, but the slightest shade of pink began to decorate his cheeks.

And then...the doorbell rang again!

THAT'S HIM!!! I hopped up on my feet again, and suddenly took a hold of Sam's wrist to roughly pull him off of the couch. I was like, "He's here! Put your shoes on! Put 'em on! Oh God!"

Sam shot me a sly grin and said, "Oh, this is TOO good! I'm not missing this!"

I tried to physically pull Sam towards the kitchen, but it only made him snicker even harder than before. I said, "C'mon, man! You've gotta leave!"

He said, "Hehehe, what? WHY??? Fuck no! Go answer the door."

I'm like, "I CAN'T! Not with you here, ok?"

He asked, "What's so wrong with me? Why can't I be here?"

I told him, "Because, Sam! Ugh! If he comes in and sees you here...it's going to make him feel uncomfortable."

Sam laughed out loud and said, "ME??? Really?" Then he's like, "You made plans to invite Brandon over here with the specific intentions on shoving your fleshy man spear in his tender little booty hole...and you're worried about ME making him feel uncomfortable??? Hahaha!"

I could have kicked myself for laughing at that! I was only encouraging him to be even more of a rascal! But Sam has a way of making me smile no matter WHAT I'm feeling or what I'm going through. God bless that boy and his goddamn goofy...antics!

I heard the doorbell ring again, and realized that I was seriously screwing things up now! I tried to physically 'push' Sam towards the back door, but he fought back by digging the heels of his sneakers into the carpet.

I whined like, "C'mon, dude! PLEASE, don't do this now! Not today! You've gotta go!"

Sam was like, "No! Fuck that! Hehehe! I'm your best friend...he's the love of your life...I wanna say hello. We're going to have to get used to these kind of spontaneous meetings anyway, right? So...let's do it now and get it over with. I'm not gonna let you sweep and shuffle me out of your back door like some kind of two dollar whore!" He giggled. And...with me being desperate to answer the door before Brandon turned away and went back home without fulfilling my every sexual fantasy first...I gave in and allowed Sam to stay in my living room, even if I shot him a seriously STERN look before being forced to run to the front door.

Sam only gave me a satisfied smirk in return.

I think I heard him snicker as I straightened out my clothes and hair before opening the door. I silently, but angrily, told him to BEHAVE! And then...with a deep breath, I opened the door.

I don't know what the heck was wrong with me. It's not like I didn't KNOW it was Brandon on the other side of that door! But...he like...his smile and his big pretty eyes and he....he was all tall and slender and super SUPER cute...it took my breath away regardless. Despite me being anxious for his arrival and all of the preparations needed to keep my cool, I found myself being floored by his very presence all over again. I almost couldn't find the strength to speak at all.

I was shaking, like, "Hey, Brandon..."

He gave me the sweetest smile, and said, "I was starting to think that maybe you forgot about me already." He stepped into the house, and his eyes glanced over to catch Sam standing in the middle of my living room...staring at him with a devilish smirk. Sighhhhh...he just HAD to make a spectacle of himself, didn't he??? Brandon was like, "Oh...I'm sorry. I didn't know that you had...company today. I just...I kinda thought that we...that you were, ummm..."

I jumped in, like, "YES! You totally had it right! TOTALLY!" I gritted my teeth and stared at Sam as hard as I could without burning him to ash with Superman laser vision! I started trying to grab a hold of Sam's arm to guide him toward the front door so I could toss him out into the street, but he kept giggling and pulling back from me. "Sam!" I whispered through gritted teeth.

Sam just straightened his shirt a bit, flopped his blond hair to the side, and walked over to Brandon to give him a hug. Then he's like, "Welcome back to the family, Brandon." Then Sam looks back at me, like, "See? That's all I wanted. I shall take my leave now. Gracefully."

Brandon was clearly confused, even as I went to the door to holler after Sam, "You're a jackass, you know that? Hehehe!"

I think my best bud just likes to see me spaz every now and then. Why else would he get such a kick out of torturing me like this.

Brandon, grinning but still a bit lost, said, "Okaaaaay...should I be concerned about that, or...?"

I was so anxious. So overwhelmingly anxious! The house was quiet, and we were alone. Totally alone. For the first time in ages, Brandon and I had the chance to make everything just like it used to be. We had the chance to truly be happy.

I couldn't WAIT to get my hands on him. My arms began to reach out for him before I even got close enough to make contact. My feet simply weren't moving fast enough. And just as he was smiling at my eager approach, his beautiful lips parting to ask me what I was doing, I put my hands on his waist and moved in for my very first real kiss of our brand new second chance at true love.

No words were spoken.

No words were needed.

The sensation of Brandon and I melting into one another's arms brought back memories of what it was like to love someone this way. So completely. So unconditionally. I had forgotten what it was like to tremble like this. To feel my head spinning as his tender lips moved in sync with my own, a warmth, a moisture, and the slightest of moans from a pleasure that we have been longing for since we first said goodbye.

I don't know how long we stood there by my front door, making out in a standing position, before I had to come up for air. I honestly felt off balance, reaching out for the wall, but making sure to keep one hand on Brandon's hip at all times. I didn't ever want him out of 'groping distance' ever again. Hehehe! Owwww, I can't stop smiling! My cheeks still hurt.

Brandon blushed slightly, turning so I could lean back against the wall. I guess I was a little weaker in the knees than I thought I was. Then...he does the cutest thing by stepping closer, and putting his forehead against mine...just sighing for a moment while we enjoyed being so close. He's like, "Do we really know what we're doing this time?"

I closed my eyes. The sound of his soft breathing giving me chills as his hands reached for mine...our fingers naturally interlocking, our hearts beating as one. I said, "I don't know. I hope so." I craned my neck up a bit to kiss Brandon on the cheek, and it made him smile. I was like, "So...are we being stupid and reckless again? Charging in without thinking?"

He nodded with a grin. He says, "Yeah. We probably are."

I said, "Is that a bad thing?"

Surprisingly, he told me, "I suppose it wouldn't be true love if it didn't require a leap of faith at some point. Why not now?"

Brandon and I began to sway together, ever so softly. Had our movements been more exaggerated, it might have looked like we were slow dancing. Head to head, eyes closed, our voices low and hazy. I said, "Things won't always be this perfect..."

He's like, "I know. But who says they have to be?" That's when we both opened our eyes at the same time to see the truth in each other's gaze. He says, "As long as we always remember this one moment forever...I can't imagine wanting to ever want to be with anyone else."

Feeling a touch of emotion, my eyes misting up with tears, I smiled and said, "I love you, Brandon. I always have."

And just before his lips met mine...he whispered...

"I do too."

By the time we had made it back to my bedroom, were head over heels for one another all over again. Every day, every hour, every minute, that we had spent apart from one another...seemed to magically vanish into thin air. As if that whole jumbled horror of a heartbreak had never taken place.

His every touch was a magic awakening of everything that had been missing in my life up until now. The delicate nature of his kiss rivaled even the most potent sexual experiences that I shared with Jimmy, or Bobby, or Lee, or even with AJ and Robin at the same time. There was nothing else. I found him. I found the one soul that I want to spend the rest of my life with.

If you don't know what it feels like to be able to actually say that to yourself and mean it...then I'd only be wasting my time trying to explain the feeling. It was a language that could only be breathed gently into your lover's ear, accompanied by the purest tears of joy.

Hehehe, we didn't just have sex today. We made love. Granted, we did it a LOT! Hehehe, but it was warm and it was tender and it was...like being 'home' again in my life. Every inch of him got attention. The feel of his skin sliding against mine gave me goosebumps. Feather light traces of his finger made me giggle with delight. Long arms and legs...I had forgotten how much I lovedBrandon's long arms and legs. Tongues mingled, necks chewed and nibbled upon, bodies tangled in a sensuous knot as we read silent cues as to where to go next. Sliding into different positions on my mattress, sheets damp with perspiration, pillows being pushed to the floor as though we needed even more room. The flavor of him lingered on my lips. He entered my mouth as though he belonged there all along. I missed the curves of his body. The plush softness of his bottom. They way he would cling to me in an almost desperate embrace. It was a day of pleasures that totally consumed me. At long last, the circle was complete, and my longing heart was satisfied.

So, yeah. I'm still kinda dazed by the whole experience. I can hardly tell up from down, left from right...but it doesn't matter because I'm defying gravity anyway. Heh...Brandon. My Brandon.

I couldn't count the number of times we whispered the words 'I love you'. We must have broken some sort of record. It seemed to get sweeter every time we said it. Then again...I was sucking him off most of the afternoon. Hehehe, that seemed to get sweeter every time too. But it was heartfelt, and it was real.

We did it. We made things work. At least for now. I can say that I'm in love again.

Now all I need is for him to come back over on Thursday so we can do it some more. A LOT more! Many many many more times! Yes, that's the strategy for the rest of the week. I'm going to love every last passionate minute of it.

Anyway, I've got to find a way to calm myself down so I can get some sleep. Work tomorrow is going to feel like an eternity between two days of rolling around with my sweetie, but I'm sure I'll manage somehow.

God...I have no idea what to do with myself. It's so unreal. I wish it could settle in to my brain all the way, because it's too big to just carry around on my shoulders like this. If I keep smiling the way I have been, my mom's gonna lock me up somewhere!

That said, I'll write more soon. Wow...book's almost full. These things go so fast. I'd just type it online...but I kinda like seeing it in my handwriting. There's something more...'personal' about it, you know? More organic.

Ok, shutting up now! Geez! Laters!

- Billy (Can't see how I'm ever gonna get to sleep now!)