It began with a soft and steady move of my thumb.
Oh GOD, he made me soooo damn horny! But I couldn’t bring myself to break through the thinly veiled barrier that I had put up to keep him from feeling weird about being here all alone in the house with me like this. Was I being a predator? I wasn’t trying to be creepy or invasive. I just...I wanted him soooo badly that it was hard to stay away from him. Especially when he was cuddling me so closely with a smile. That doesn’t make me a manipulative asshole, does it? Just...enjoying the moment and feeling like he was enjoying it too?
So many thoughts. I just wanted to stop thinking so much and just enjoy the warmth of Blake’s boyish embrace. Even though he still seemed to be holding on to a bit of the chill that he had gotten from being outside for so long during this harsh Chicago Winter...his body heat was willing to share itself with me regardless. It felt good, you know?
I guess you never know what blessings you have and take for granted until you have someone like Blake to prove to you how much the simple things really have meaning beyond your ability to see it when you’re up on top.
I swear...I don’t think I’m ever going to complain about my life ever again. Not after tonight. I’m almost jealous of the fact that Blake can find such joy and fulfillment in an experience that I’ll never know. What seems so normal, even mundane, to me...is a total paradise to him. My only real pleasure comes from being able to share some of my blessings with him like this. It’s the actual spirit of Christmas in action. You know?
No wonder Santa Claus was considered a saint...
I didn’t want to push things too far without Blake’s...ummmm...well you know...his consent or whatever. Ugh! It’s kind of hard, trying to make a move on the most beautiful boy that I’ve ever seen, and still hold my emotions back to the point where it doesn’t look like that’s the only reason that I invited him over here in the first place.
Then again...wasn’t it?
Was it my underlying intention to get Blake in my house while my parents were away just to get him naked so we could spend the holiday weekend having hot, sweaty, boy sex, until our rigid shafts were too exhausted to splash out any more semen on one another? The idea was so fucking HOT that I got short of breath just thinking about it! But...
...I’d feel kind of creepy if I thought that was my sole motivation behind all of this. I really was trying to do something good for someone who looked like they needed some help. What am I doing? I’m all cuddled up with a really cute boy, still smelling the aroma from his shower as he warmed up next to me, watching a cool horror movie...and my thoughts are still driving me crazy. I should just...implant myself in the moment, shouldn’t I? Who knows when I’ll ever get another chance to be this close to another boy like this. Especially one this fucking CUTE!
I need to relax. I really do.
But, like I said...my inner, lustful, passions kind of took over my common sense, and it all began with a soft and, I hope, subtle motion of my thumb on Blake’s chest.
I noticed that he nodded off a few times, his exhaustion taking him over beyond his control. But he’ll get no complaints from me. I just kept my face pressed against his chest, and kept rubbing his flat chest with my thumb...listening to his heartbeat, and eventually moving my hand over a bit more to circle one of his erect nipples as I sighed to myself. I think this is the very first intimate contact and expression that I’ve ever had with another boy before. And while I was too scared to go any further with the thrilling tingles that I got from being able to touch him, I just turned my head slightly and gently kissed his chest through the fabric of his shirt. Once...then twice...then a longer, lingering kiss for my third time. He smelled soooo good.
Blake stirred a bit, and then his eyes opened up again, forcing me to back off with my affections as his focus went back to the TV. “Sorry...” He said softly.
“It’s ok. Really. This couch is comfy. That and this big fluffy blanket is a deadly combination.” I grinned.
“Very true.” He said. “I don’t want you to think that I came over here just to sleep though. I wanna hang out. It’s just been a rough couple of weeks.”
The question was burning in the back of my mind, but I almost found it rude to ask. So I just said, “A couple of weeks, huh? Wow.”
“Yeah. I haven’t had much sleep. I guess it’s all catching up with me.” Then he giggled, “You wanna know what really makes you sleepy all day long? Christmas music! Hehehe! It’s like...hot chocolate for the soul, I guess. I think it’s made to feel all comfy and cozy and warm...pretty much like this blanket.” It made me laugh as he wiggled his body around in the cutest way and wrapped it even tighter around us. “This is all so awesome, Aric. Thanks, dude. You have no idea how much you helped me out today.”
I was quiet for a moment, but I simply couldn’t hold back for much longer. I kind of wanted to talk to him some more before I either lost my nerve, or ended up blurting it out involuntarily and making a jerk out of myself. So, after taking a deep breath, I was like, “Blake? Can I ask you something?”
“Sure. Go ahead.” He said with a simple shrug of his shoulders. I don’t think he was expecting anything heavy, and that was a bit intimidating for me. Because we had such a comfortable vibe going on...I didn’t want to ruin it.
“Are you...I mean, like...are you ok?”
He looked at me. “Ok, like how?”
Getting more nervous, I said, “Like...everything is alright with you, right?”
“Alright, like how? Don’t I seem alright?”
Should I just come out and say it? I mean...whether Blake is temporarily homeless or not, he could still find it offensive that I would even ask him such a thing. I can’t say that I’ve ever had any experience with this sort of thing. I’m fourteen years old. I’ve never even been HOME by myself for more than a couple of hours at a time. How am I supposed to know how to handle a situation of this magnitude?
“Yeah. I was just wondering...” I said, my heart beating hard in my chest as I scooted a few inches away from him and tried to look down at the living room carpet instead of falling prey to those glowing neon blue eyes of his. “I mean, you’re always at...the strip mall and stuff...” Stop, Aric! Stop talking! “...You said you haven’t been sleeping...” Shut up! Shut up! SHUT UP!!! “...I mean, are your parents, like...around, or…?” Goddammit, Aric! No wonder you can’t get yourself a boyfriend!
You just HAD to ask, didn’t you?
The silence that suddenly entered the space between us was about as thick and as tense as anything that I had ever experienced before. It felt like it was physically choking the very life out of me as I found the air too toxic to breathe in the few seconds that it took Blake to answer me. I, honestly, wanted to CRY for being so stupid.
“My...parents...” He started, now looking away from me as well. “...My parents and I are having a bit of a disagreement right now. That’s all. So, it’s best that I stay away from them for now. If that makes sense.”
“So you’re not at home.” I said.
“No. At least not for now.” He answered softly, turning his attention to the flashing lights of my Christmas tree to avoid my eyes. Not that I had the courage to look over at him for more than a few seconds anyway. “It’s no big deal.”
“It’s Christmas.” I said.
“Yeah, I know. But some things are more important than some widely celebrated holiday. Sometimes...it’s more about what the holiday stands for, you know? I can do without the flashy lights and jingling bells and presents under the tree...just so long as the ‘spirit’ of giving and loving the people around you remains in tact.” Blake said, almost sadly. “Everything else is just...useless shiny ornaments. What’s the point of pretending that those things have any meaning when you don’t mean it?”
“Yeah.” I said. “Definitely.”
We were both quiet for a minute or two, and then Blake got a bit fidgety. “Sorry. I don’t mean to be a downer.”
“No. It’s cool.” I said. Then added, “I mean...not being a downer. Wait, that came out wrong. You’re not being a downer. I totally get it. You know what I’m saying, right?”
“I think so.” He smiled at me, and my heart melted all over again. “So….what about you? What the hell are you doing in this big, awesome, house all by yourself during Christmas? You’re not throwing a party or something?”
“Hehehe! I AM throwing a party, actually. You just happen to be my only guest. That’s all.” I snickered. “Woo hoo! Aren’t you having a blast?”
“I am.” He replied, but kept looking into my eyes, expecting a full answer from me. A part of me didn’t think that it should be a big deal, and that I should just be able to say the words out loud the same way that I did to my mom and dad when they made the decision to go out of town and bless me with the choice to stay here if it made me uncomfortable to go with them...but I hesitated. I mean, Blake knows that he’s fucking knockout gorgeous, right? He’s GOT to know. There’s no way that this boy can look into a reflective surface and not realize that he’s one of the prettiest Christmas angels that God has ever sent to Earth. It’s just not fathomable. And because of that fact...that selfish predator vibe that I felt buzzing just beneath the surface of my skin began to rise up and make me feel like a creep all over again. If I tell him why, he’ll know why I’ve been practically stalking him at the strip mall over the past few weeks. Why I invited him over. And why I might be expecting some sick ‘favors’ from him in order to pay me back for bringing him into my house and getting him out of the snow and ice cold winds outside.
I really don’t want him to think that about me. It wasn’t my intention. Ugh! Why am I locked in such a conflict with myself right now?
“Look...if you don’t want to talk about it, Aric...I get it. I was just being curious.” He told me.
I blurted it out without thinking. Thank God, because I’d never find the strength to put the words together ahead of time. “My parents went to visit my grandparents for Christmas...but I chose not to go with them because...well, because...”
He seemed a bit confused at first, his forehead wrinkled up under his bright blond locks of gold. “Because why?” He asked.
“Because they haven’t really accepted the fact that I’m...different...” I said. But after struggling for so long with the fact that I had to hide in the closet for so long, I figured that I had come this far...I might as well just say something. “...Because I’m gay.”
I felt myself cringe from saying the words out loud. I didn’t mean to, it just sort of happened. I was dreading the moment when I might have to make the confession in front of a boy this hot, because his first thought is going to be, ‘Oh God! Does that mean he wants to fuck me in the ass?’ And it’s kind of difficult to continue a casual conversation with somebody once that’s been tossed out on the table.
But, just in case you wanted to know...the answer is YES! A resounding YES! I definitely want to...wait….I should calm down. Let me not finish that sentence. Not even in my own head.
“Really?” Blake said, his eyebrows raised with a bit of a jaw drop. Was that a good thing, or a bad thing? I probably should have prolonged the fantasy of possibly being his boyfriend for a little bit longer. It might have been fun. Now I’m going to spend the rest of the night pouting and feeling rejected.
“Yeah. Really.” I said, guiding my eyes away from his again.
“That sucks, dude. But I get it. I wouldn’t want to be anywhere around people like that either.” He said. Which got my immediate attention.
“So, like...I mean, you heard what I said, right?” I asked, wondering if maybe I hadn’t made my extremely intimate and sexual love for other boys clear to him.
“Yeah. I heard you. And it’s not fair for them to treat you any different just because of your sexual preference. Can’t they just push that bullshit aside for a while? At least during a simple Christmas weekend?”
Now it was my turn to be confused. Was this...I mean...well...what WAS this???
Trying to not seem awkward, I kept myself talking. “My mom and dad are cool with it. I came out to them, and they totally accepted me for it and told me that I was free to love whoever I wanted to love, as long as I was safe and honest with my feelings about it all. They even said that it would be ok if I needed to come to them for help whenever I needed to figure things out.”
“Wow. Your parents sound like a classy duo, Aric. You’re lucky.” He said, and I felt myself getting excited as I noticed that he didn’t recoil in horror from the knowledge that he was all alone in an empty house with a boy that would give anything to get down on his knees in front of his spread legs and suck him off until he filled my mouth with the heaviest load of warm nectar that his sexy body could produce in one sitting!
Ahem...not that I was thinking too much about that. Nope. Not me.
“Yeah...I guess I am.” I said, giving Blake a sideways look that he may or may not have noticed.
“Me? I’m not so lucky.” He said, causing my heart to race even faster. “To be honest, the first time I ever said the words out loud...they were to my mom. And the first thing she did was call my dad into the room to ‘straighten me out’. I tried to tell them that I wasn’t trying to hurt or disappoint them...and that I was just trying to be honest with myself, and with them. But...that conversation didn’t go as well as I hoped it would.” Wait...was this wishful thinking on my part? Was I hearing him right? Or was I just twisting his words around to mean what I desperately wanted them to mean??? “I don’t think I can go home anymore, Aric. Not after the way they treated me. I’ve got to find other options from here on out. Even if it means losing a bit of sleep every now and then on an ice cold park bench.”
“So...where have you been sleeping?” I asked.
“Ummmm...wherever I can find a place. You know, where I don’t stand out. If I get enough change saved up for train fare, I can ride it all the way out to the South side on 95th, and then switch platforms and ride it back up North to Howard street again. That can buy me about two or three hours worth of sleep. Plus, I’m out of the snow and cold, so that’s a plus.” He said. “And sometimes I can catch some z’s in the library around the colleges. They just think I’m another one of those overworked students, so it’s casual.”
I was trying to hide the look on my face, but it was clearly one of true empathy for what he was going through. Still, just so there wasn’t any misunderstandings, I tried to ask the one question on my mind that was burning a hole right through me at that moment. I saw the changing dance of Christmas lights on Blake’s angelic face, getting that fluttery butterfly sensation in the center of my stomach...and I said, “So...your parents kicked you out for being...you know...like me?”
A slight grin spread out on his lips, accompanied with a rather stunningly boyish blush. “Uhhh, well...yeah. I guess.” He hesitated to say anything more at first, running his fingers back through his blond hair and only peeking back at me while trying to hold back a flurry of bashful giggles. “BUT...for the record...they didn’t really kick me out. I think I kinda just...left on my own. I guess that you could say that we really haven’t had a serious conversation about it. They just sort of sat there in shocked silence, ad I already know what that means.” His smile faded a bit as he looked down at his feet. “It means that I’m weird. And that I’m probably not going to be welcome there anymore.”
Trying to give him a bit of a boost, I told him, “You never know, Blake. I mean, maybe the surprise of it all will wear off and they’ll be able to talk about it, or whatever. You know?”
“We shouldn’t have to talk about it. I hate that there’s anything to talk about. I’m gay. Period. Why should I have to explain or defend it? It’s who I am.” He said, his smile almost completely gone now. “I mean, I like pizza. Does it make any sense for somebody to ask me why?”
“Yeah. I know what you mean.” I said. “It’s like...I’m a whole person. I’m allowed to be more than what you want me to be.”
“EXACTLY!” Blake said, getting a bit more comfortable talking about it. “I shouldn’t have to defend myself or ask for permission to be who I am. And I shouldn’t be made to feel uncomfortable just because they don’t understand it. Who asked them to?”
“I KNOW, right?!?!” I said.
“Yeah….right...” I smiled, hoping that he didn’t pay any attention to the fact that I sighed out loud when I said it. Jesus...his eyes are SO blue!
I think that we actually had a moment going there, where our eye contact lasted a bit longer than your average casual glance. And just as I was about ready to approach the idea of us maybe, ummm...making use of this big empty house and at least engaging in a seriously erotic make out session...my phone rang.
I entertained the idea of not answering it, but my mom’s number came up. I guess their plane landed. And I didn’t want her to freak out and call Ms. Chapley over here to spy on me for the rst of the weekend. So I picked it up, telling Blake to hold on for a second, hoping that I’d be able to recapture that golden moment as soon as I let her know that I was ok.