On The Outside

Chapter 13

Where had I slipped?

How did I suddenly become so 'exposed'?

I went to my next class...but I could feel myself shaking inside. My stomach getting queasy and sick. I didn't know whether I was gonna burst into tears or throw up all over my textbook.

The gossip was growing. The whispers were getting louder by the minute. And I began to feel my whole life unraveling at a speed that was too fast for me to be even REMOTELY comfortable with. It was like a giant AXE had just been lodged into my once heavily guarded closet door. Threatening to shatter it to splinters. Threatening to destroy the whole of my public identity and expose me in front of EVERYBODY I knew in the world. The school, my friends, my PARENTS, my family, strangers on the street. Kids will point and laugh. Bullies will push me and Drew face down into the mud. People will see us walking side by side and instantly frown up with disgust. EVERYONE will figure us out. They'll stare, and they'll judge, and they'll HATE! My whole LIFE is over now, isn't it??? My whole WORLD is coming to an end!

I think I nearly had a panic attack right there in the middle of my Physics class. I could hardly breathe. The fear was much worse than before. Every time I so much as made eye contact with someone else, I felt like they had found out, and were staring at me like some kind of a freakshow oddity. How did I get myself into this? What happened to the 'rules' I made for myself in the beginning? This wasn't ever supposed to happen. Not ever. I was supposed to be avoiding this and keeping myself quietly hidden behind the smoke and mirrors of appearing somewhat normal. This is bad. I got weak. I got soooooo weak.

I was nervously tapping my fingers on the desk from the paranoia flooding my thoughts at the moment. The tapping made other kids in the class look at me crazy due to the distraction. And having their eyes on me like that only made me MORE paranoid. Which only made the tapping more frantic. It was a vicious cycle. And it was practically causing me to break down right in front of everybody.

My brain was desperately trying to think of ways to avoid this disastrous turn of events. To escape the inevitable tragedy, and just vanish from the high school spotlight altogether. Like....like, what if Drew and I both ran away from home and just went to some hidden little house in the woods where NOBODY would ever see us again? Ever! Then I could be totally happy keeping Drew's love and beauty close to me for the rest of my life...but I wouldn't have to...you know...completely destroy the rest of my life beyond repair. No coming out to my parents. No confirming the suspicions of my friends. No having the word of my 'gayness' travel to the rest of my family over Facebook. No having to have walk the school hallways as an outcast. None of that. Just....just me and Drew. Nobody else. I don't want them involved. I don't want them to know. It's not their business, right? I could hide. We could BOTH hide, together. We could just...I mean...I *LOVE* him! God, I love him soooo much! I can honestly admit that to myself now, without guilt or regret. I just...I don't know if I can actually go through with...with...oh God....oh God...I feel sick. Everybody's gonna find out what we're doing with each other. Everyone's gonna know that we're getting together and kissing in the park!

The walls are closing in.

I can't breathe.

I seriously can't BREATHE!

Being dragged out of the closet is about as terrifying as having a group of people trying to push you out of a burning airplane. And you KNOW that it's about to crash into the side of a mountain or something terrible and burn you alive...but you just CAN'T get yourself to jump! You freeze. Your legs are paralyzed. You see the ground a zillion miles below you. And for a few fleeting moments...you wonder if the quick and sudden crash would be preferable to being forced to jump by 'choice'.

My mind was going insane with the idea. I mean, really...what was I gonna do? Never talk to my friends again? Never talk to my parents? Never hang out with Drew in public? Go the rest of my life telling the world that Drew is my 'friend' and my 'roommate' and my 'lab partner'...and that I just haven't found the right girl yet? I mean...honestly...what am I REALLY gonna do when people start asking questions that I can't truthfully answer? Sometimes I wish I had come out when I was 11 years old when I first started realizing it myself. I wish that I had gotten it over with before now so that I could be totally free of the shame of having people not know by now. I could have come to terms with it. I could have been in Drew's place where people were aware of it, and adjusted to it, our relationship wouldn't mean the destruction of my entire life as I knew it. If only I had dealt with this sooner. If only.

I began to tear up in class, and tried to stop myself from thinking about it so hard. But the emotion wouldn't let go of me. It covered me like a second skin, clinging to me with claws dug deep as I trembled uncontrollably at my desk. The bell rang. Probably louder than I had ever heard it ring before. And the fear in my heart cramped up, refusing to let me get up from my chair. My feet were struck still as everybody else got their stuff together and began to file out of the classroom. I can't go out there. I...I can't.

I swallowed hard as the room emptied out into the hallway. That evil, 'open', hallway, where all of those invasive eyes were waiting for me to emerge from the protection of my little academic foxhole so they could devour me alive. I couldn't move. God help me...I just couldn't move. "Ethan?" My teacher asked, wondering why I was still sitting in her classroom...tapping away even worse than I was before. Does SHE know about me and Drew? Will she ASK me if I don't get up and leave??? I think the fear of looking odd enough in front of her to interrogate me was the only thing that was able to help me budge from my position. So I took a deep gasp of air, snatched my stuff up quickly, and bolted out the door without saying another word.

And then...there I was. Vulnerable. With the whole world bearing down on me from every angle.

I started to walk briskly with my head down. Attempting to pass by hundreds of other students 'undetected'. Pretending, pointlessly, that I was invisible. Every giggle, every laugh, every hushed whisper, that my ears caught from any given direction seemed to be directed at me specifically. Every pair of eyes...a set of twin lasers, cutting me to pieces every time they glanced over at me. I held my backpack close to my chest. So tightly that it made my elbows ache. I picked up the pace, walking as fast as I could while keeping my eyes down at the floor. Only seeing the hall a few steps ahead of me at a time, and using that to navigate as best as I could.

I could almost see myself from the outside. An observer to a predictable train wreck in the making. Is this what it felt like? Is this what it was like for Drew, day after day after day...walking with his head down, clutching desperately to his books, trying to magically vanish from the sight of the whole world? I remember seeing him sneak through the halls of this place before, and feeling really sorry for what he had to go through. But now? Now, I realize that I really had no IDEA how terrifying it really was for him to have to live with this level of CONSTANT pressure. It was a suffocating experience.

I needed to get out of here. I needed to hide. This was too much. I can't breathe. I'm going outside for some air. That's it...some air. My chest hurts. My heart won't slow down....I need...need air...

My hands were literally shaking as I stepped out into the school courtyard. I don't know how I had gone from being so blissfully happy and excited about us being together to a sense of unbelievable hysteria after just one event. But at least I could breathe again. I just...I guess that this situation was MUCH easier to figure out when I was honestly convinced that nobody would ever find out about us. I could gather up some confidence when it was just random rumors and deniable hearsay. But that was all over now, wasn't it? Those boys that had bumped my shoulder in the hall today after lunch...they really triggered something in me. This wasn't just some paranoid fantasy that was warping my mind and altering reality. This wasn't something that I could misinterpret or ignore. No. This was a direct confrontation with people who had easily figured out that Drew and I were more than just a few school-bound play dates. Jermaine, I could understand seeing it. He's my best friend. He supposed to know me better than anyone else, so there's no way that he wouldn't be able to see something 'off' about my behavior over a certain period of time. But these other boys were strangers. Complete and total strangers. And if they know...then other people know too. They've noticed. And they're probably spreading the word right now to everybody that will listen. Drew told me that things would get a LOT worse, and VERY fast...but I didn't count on it being THIS fast. I just wanted it to stop. I NEEDED it to stop. I want...I want this to just be 'our secret' again. The lightning had to be put back in the bottle. I'm not ready. I'm just not READY....and I might NEVER be ready. I may suck for it, but that's the honest truth.

I have a life, and I have a love. But it never crossed my mind that I'd have to choose between them in order to be happy.

It was difficult, attempting to balance myself out and get my 'game face' on before the final bell rang for the day. Those last few hours of the school day were the worst of my life. Thank Godtomorrow is a half day! AND a Friday on top of it! Maybe the weekend will take people's minds off of stuff, and they'll 'forget'. Maybe they won't care when Monday comes around. Yeah. That's like two and a half days for them to find something else to talk about. They could leave us alone...and Drew and I could go back to being...you know...careful.

I always walk to the bus stop with Drew every day after school, and I realized that I needed to be there. He can be really sensitive about that kind of thing. Fear or no fear...I don't want to hurt his feelings or make him feel responsible. Not after how he reacted earlier this morning. If I ditched him today, he'd be destroyed. He seriously worries about bringing some of that dark social storm cloud he adopted over my head too...just from being seen with me. He'd think I was avoiding him or something. And I can't have that happen.

It's ok, Ethan..just...calm down. Nobody knows anything. It's not like somebody had walked in on me naked while I was sucking Drew off in the teacher's lounge or something. They're just being a bunch of buttheads. What do they know? Whispers don't mean shit without proof. So what am I worried about? Right?

I teased my hair with my hands a bit, and stood up straight...shoulders back...and forced a somewhat 'normal' smile to cross my face. I made my way through the halls as stealthily as I could, and got to Drew's locker, where he was already picking and choosing what books he needed to take home for his Friday homework. Those wiry arms couldn't carry them all, so he always left half of them at school if he could. He looked so cute to me, even from a distance. Thos chaotic light brown curls could be so alluring sometimes. Despite the horror going on in the back of my mind...it was good to see him.

"Hey..." I said, still looking over my shoulder.

Drew peeked out from behind his locker door, and when his eyes met mine..it was like his whole spirit was suddenly exposed to me. He lit up instantly, and smiled. "You're early."

"I was...um...walking fast."

"Hehehe, well...ok." He said, and zipped up his backpack. He had to bend over slightly, and I couldn't help but look at how sweet his perfectly shaped ass looked in the soft fabric of his cargo pants. It was an entirely different 'panic' rushing through me now...fighting for attention. I think he caught me staring, because he blushed and bit his bottom lips. "Stop, hehehe...not yet. Tomorrow." He said. "It'll be more special that way."

He was so SHY about it. God, it was cute! If I wasn't so busy worrying about who might be watching, I might have allowed myself to submerge myself in the adorable expression of love that he was giving me at the moment. "So...you, um...ready to go?" I asked, hoping to hurry him along. The halls were filling up quick, and I just wanted to get out of that building and get Drew on the bus before more people came by to gawk at us. I'm TRYING to be strong for you, Drew...I swear I am.

"Um...just a second. I think I need my History book. Let me see..." He took out a folder to look at his homework notes, and all I could do was look around the hall at all the students passing by. A few of them looked at us, and I noticed some of the upperclassmen giving me a 'smirk'. It was like this really...obnoxiously tilted grin as they looked at Drew and I at his locker. And all I wanted was to just...ugh...get the FUCK out of there!!!! Stop LOOKING at us!!! Get away from me! Me and Drew just wanna be happy! Just like everybody else! What is so strange about that? Why does that create a commotion??? There's nothing WRONG with it! Just...fucking leave us ALONE!!! "You alright?" Drew asked as he saw the look on my face.

"Yeah. I'm..I'm fine. Just..." I stopped myself. "Did you find what you were looking for?"

Drew wrinkled up his forehead a bit. "Yeah. I've gotta take this big clunky book home too. Go figure."

"I can carry it for you." I said.

"Ethan...you don't have to..."

"No, it's ok. Here, give it to me..." I nearly snatched the book from him and held it in my arm. "...C'mon, let's go. I've had enough of this place today."

Again, Drew gave me a strange look. "Are you sure you're ok, Ethan? You're like...turning red all over."

Just then, I saw two girls walk by with a raised eyebrow and a giggle. It was humiliating, but I tried to hold my ground regardless. "I'm ok..." I said softly, as my futile attempts to ignore the stares started to feel more and more fake with every tick of the clock. "Can we just...go?" The way Drew paused, those shiny hazel eyes looking up at me with a slight pout of their own, I almost thought that he was on to me. So I stood up straight, and gathered enough courage to appear...you know...oblivious.

"Um...k." He said, and locked his locker. Thank goodness. PLEASE get me out of here. I wanna be alone with my baby. The stress of this place is killing me.

The moment that I got outside, I started feeling better. Even though there were still people around, they seemed more concerned with going home or catching a ride than watching us. A part of me felt guilty about being so worried about this. I love Drew with my whole heart, and it's a feeling that should be cherished and admired...not hidden in the back of some dusty old closet. I just don't know how to cross that barrier. I don't know how to enjoy the love more than I cower from the hate. I can't wait until we're alone. It's so much better when we're alone.

"Hehehe, Ethan, c'mon. What's wrong? You're being weird?" Drew asked me as we waited for his bus to come.

"Nothing. Honest." Something about that boy's smile could always get me to blush. "And quit calling me weird. You'll hurt my feelings." I teased.

"Awww, my poor baby." Yikes! Did somebody hear that? I looked around again. I think...I think we were safe. "What?"

"I just...ummm...hey, there's your bus." Saved! "I'll see you tomorrow?"

Drew blushed sweetly. "Uh huh...tomorrow." And as the bus came to a stop, he slung his backpack over one of his slim shoulders and giggled. "Ummmmm...bye, Ethan." It was said with such an infatuated gaze. Such an enamored grin. His love for me bubbling over to the point where it glowed behind his eyes. It made me weak in the knees, just knowing that he appreciated me sooo much. Ugh! I suck for being such a coward.

I went home and tossed around every idea that I could to be...more....um, well more...aw fuck, I don't know! Just 'MORE', you know? I mean, maybe this thing is all just a temporary flare up that will just go away. Yeah...that's what it is. It'll go away, and Drew and I can get our privacy back. We can be...together...below the radar like we were before. I'm not a total punk for thinking that, am I?

I mean....am I?

I maintained my everything-is-fine mask around my parents that night. Fairly well, I might add. I can't even guess how they would react if they found out. God forbid if my 'gayness' suddenly got back to them somehow. Kids talk...and parents overhear EVERYTHING. And then the parents talk and the kids overhear everything. So the last thing I need is for some gossiping asshole to bring the info home and have their parents approach my unsuspecting guardians with the awful news. It would be like smashing them in the face with a sack of bricks.

Yeah, the paranoia was putting a stranglehold on everything that I am, inside and out. And yet...whenever I thought about me and Drew being away from it all, just the two of us...it felt like we could take on the whole world. No matter what. It was the only thing that made me feel warm inside, and keep the cold feelings of sheer terror at bay. I don't think I've ever felt so conflicted before in my life. I'm like...two totally different people right now.

And both sides...needed to hear Drew's voice tonight.

I waited until a bit later in the evening, where my mom was busying herself with cleaning the oven, and my dad was dozing off in front of the television. It wasn't really 'privacy', but it gave me enough cover to talk to my boyfriend without much interruption. I called his number, anxiously waiting for that sweet voice to greet me with a smile.


"Hey, Drew." I smiled. "Can you talk?"

"Omigod...hi. Hehehe...yeah, I can talk. My dad's trying to scrape the pans in the kitchen. He burned up dinner pretty bad tonight."

"Hehehe, did he?"

"Yeah, but I'm used to it though. It really wasn't all that bad...um...whatever it was." Drew giggled sweetly. "I think the charred skin masked the fact that the rest of it probably tasted pretty awful. My dad is Mr. Microwave and take out pizza. My mom's the cook."

We shared a few grins over it, but more than anything...it was just good to have his voice vibrating softly in my ear. He was a bit hazy tonight, so I asked him, "Are you sleepy? You sound kinda tired."

"Oh...no, not really. I finished my homework early, so I was just kinda laying here...listening to some music."

"Are you naked?" I giggled, and he moaned a little bit.

"Hehehe, I don't know. Should I be?"

"You should ALWAYS be naked. I'm gonna make it a law in this town."

Drew groaned a bit again. I could practically imagine the lazy smile crossing his face as he bit his bottom lip with a collection of naughty thoughts rushing through his mind. You know how...you just kinda 'connect' with somebody for a moment...and it feels like they're sitting right beside you? It was like that, but times a hundred million. He made me feel sooooo good inside.

The fact that my nerves had settled soooo much, now that our relationship was 'ours' again, really soothed me. To the point of being able to just relax and enjoy it like I was supposed to. I felt really guilty about that. Why am I so 'cool' with this when it's in secret, but I can't be the same guy in front of total strangers on the street? What is Drew doing that I can't do? Doesn't it bother him? Isn't he scared?

"I'm glad you called, Ethan. I missed you." He said softly, after a slight pause. "I...worry sometimes."

"Worry about what?"

"Well...I mean...you really are too good to be true, Ethan. You know that? I'm so scared that I'm gonna do something to mess this up. I can't even sleep some nights, just thinking about it." He said. "You're the best thing that's ever happened to me, Ethan. All I ever want to do is make you happy. I just wanna be good enough. I wanna deserve it."

I practically melted into the carpet, and with a deep sigh, I said, "I love you, Drew. With every last piece of my heart...I really really love you. And you don't have anything to worry about. You're more than just good enough. You deserve better, to be honest."

He sighed quietly. "So...I didn't screw up?"

"Screw up? HOW? God, Drew...no."

"Ok. Good. Because...I don't know how my heart would beat without you." He said it with such passion. I was moved.

I heard him breathing, and for a moment, I just...closed my eyes and enjoyed his presence. I could practically smell the alluring fragrance of his tousled light brown locks. It excited me like you wouldn't believe. I remembered his touch...and his taste..and the way he moved...and the way he moaned. I began to ache for him all over again. "I wish I was there with you right now." I said.

There was this sweet and softened silence from his end of the phone...and then he whispered, "I wish you were too." I heard a bit of rustling, and it might have just been my mixed up imagination...but I think he took his pants off. Just from the increasingly husky sound of his light voice alone...I could almost feel his hardness in my hand. "Ethan...?"


"Would you think I was 'icky' if I told you that being with you is all I've been thinking about the last few days? Over and over again. With you...like...inside me?" Omigod! My pants were straining so much that I had to unbutton them and roll over onto my stomach to remain comfortable. Drew listened to my breathing increase, and he spoke some more. "It leaves me so breathless to think that...you would want me like that. That you would let me please you that way. Because I really want to more than anything. I want to feel it. I wanna know that my boyfriend is getting the ultimate rush from my body...and I want him to know that he can 'have me' anytime he wants me. Like...ANYTIME, you know?" His voice had this really sexual tone to it...and it tickled my eardrums to hear it. Oh wow...Drew could be soooo damn HOT when he wanted to be. "Baby? I can't wait for you to take me all the way. You know that, right? Really. It like...'itches' for you sometimes."

"Mmmm...does it?" I said, now reaching into my boxers to take a few slow strokes of myself.

"Yeah. All the time." There was another moment of slightly heavy breathing between us, and I looked over my shoulder to see my bedroom door slightly ajar. It felt soooo good, but I didn't want my parents walking by. I don't think this is gonna just be a few strokes for relief here. I was gonna have to take this all the way to orgasm. I was WAY too excited to stop now.

"Hold on a sec, ok? I wanna close my door." I told him, and Drew whimpered in the cutest way. He said that it was 'hot' that I was closing my door. It really heightened things for him, and I heard more rustling over the phone. I got up, my heart beating fast, my erection soooo unbelievably stiff that I nearly banged it on every hard obstacle in front of me. I slowly closed the door until it clicked, and locked it from the inside. Then I hurried back over and sat on the floor on the other side of my bed to reclaim a hold of myself.

"You still there?" Drew asked.

"Definitely." I whispered. "So....you said you had an 'itch' for me?"

He must have blushed so hard. I know how Drew sounds when he's blushing that hard. Slightly different. Subtle. But with practice, you can always notice it. "Yeah. I think about it a lot. I can't stop. Sometimes I dream about it too."

The wet spot at the tip of my shaft began to grow, and with a slight tremble, I pulled the hole in the front open, and exposed myself to the air. "I dream about you too. It's so painful to want you soooo bad."

"Mmmmm..." Drew squirmed a bit more, and attempted to speak as quietly as he could. "...See? When you say things like that...it makes the itch worse. Sighhh...it makes me...'do' things, sometimes. You know, like...when I'm home alone?"

"Do things like what?" I began to pick up rhythm on my hardness, feeling the warm dribblings as it ran down to my slowly pounding fist.

He bit his bottom lip and he said, "Do things like...practice. You know....with other stuff in my room."

My hardness seemed to grow a whole other inch when I heard him say that! "Ohhhhh God..." I whispered. My freshly sprung leak was pushing out even more juice now...and the sound of my stroking got louder. The slick and sticky nectar now creating an audible slapping sound that I was afraid my parents would hear if they walked past my bedroom door. So I reached for some tissues, and wiped away some of the excess, while leaving some to keep it well lubricated. "Keep going..." I whispered.

Some more wiggling from Drew's end, and some restrained panting, followed by another soft whimper. "I look for things...that look like 'you'...and I lay down on my bed...on my back....naked." I sped up my stroking hand, hearing the sticky noises starting again as my semen flooded over and forced me to use the same tissue to wipe some of it away. "I do that, Ethan, and I stick it in me....really slow. And then..." Drew lowered his voice to a breathless whisper. "...I imagine that it's you. And I push it in and out of my hole until I cum all over my chest..."

"Mmmm, Jesus!" I gasped, feeling both of my balls drawing up tightly against my shaft. My legs began to quake as visions of any inanimate object being given access to Drew's tight hole, flooded my mind. That pretty ass of his. That sweet....sweet, heart shaped ass. My hand sped up even faster, and at this point, the slapping sounds were lost in the back of my sexed up hormonally fluttered mind. I slid down a bit further, my breathing, now just a serious of soft moans. It was building up fast. "God, Drew...I love you..."

Drew was equally winded. "You wanna know something, Ethan?" He said.

"Mmmm...yeah....what is it...?"

"I'm 'practicing' right now...with my fingers..." Wow! Oh God...oh God...this is it, I can't hold out much longer. "Ungghh...it's such a tight fit, Ethan. But I think...it'll be even tighter for you. We'll find out...mmmmm...we'll find out when you get here...tomorrow." It was then that I heard Drew whimper a few more times...his wiggles getting more intense, and soon, he couldn't be as quiet with his breathing as he was before. He was reaching a peak...and so was I. "Ethan...tell me you love me.." He gulped between breaths.

"Ohhhhh Drew...I love you..."

"Baby, say it again..."

"I LOVE you!" I said, now feeling the tip of my shaft expanding with that erotic moment of sensitive soreness that happens right before a major orgasm. I tightened my grip, hoping to hold it off for just a little bit longer. But when Drew began to desperately finger himself faster, the springs in his mattress squeaking slightly as he began to bounce his smooth pale globes up and down on the invading digits...I found myself unable to resist the need for release.

Drew whimpered first, and I heard the bouncing stop...along with his breathing...as his entire body went stiff. The fragile, almost 'girlish' frame, lost in a powerful climax that rampaged through him so ruthlessly that he dropped the phone from his ear and down to the bed beneath him.

It was the trigger for me, and in no time, my helmet swelled up, and I opened my mouth in a silent scream as the throbbing pulses of my shaft began 'thump' as hard as the young sex muscles would allow. One thump, then another, and then the third brought with is a healthy eruption of seed, jumping up to the collar of my shirt, and leaving a long stream down the front of my t-shirt. Then the climax continued, with more long hot strings of nectar decorating my chest and stomach, and soon reducing to a thick creamy ooze that slid over my hand and fingers like warm lava. Puddling around the base of my hardness, and soaking into the material of my boxers...my hand completely smothered with the taste of my sex. Had my heart been beating any louder, it would have sent my parents running in to see what was wrong.

Almost a full minute passes. Both Drew and I trying to catch our breaths. I'm sitting there, just holding my erection, covered completely and still twitching as though it had more fluids to spare. I noticed a single bead of sweat as it crawled down the side of my neck, and it made me sigh as I came down from my sexual high. I feel an electrified tingle all over my body, and as I give myself one long upstroke, from the bottom to the tip...the hypersensitive reaction is enough to nearly double me over and shiver with a seizure of pure delight. Wow...I think that was one of the five best orgasms I've ever had in my life. And I hadn't even touched him!

I heard giggle softly, still breathing hard. "Omigod, Ethan...I don't think it's ever been that good."

"Oh wow, I was JUST thinking that too!" I said, a bit louder than I expected. I had to shush myself.

"Mmmm, you know...after tomorrow...you're never getting rid of me."

"Dude, if tomorrow is ANYTHING like the last ten minutes...you'll never get me to leave." I said, and he gave me a kiss over the phone.

"Oh no, my dad is walking around out there. Shhhh...I've gotta go. Ok?" He said. I was a little disappointed, but Drew's voice was so panicked over it, I didn't really persist. He really is afraid of his father something awful. I don't even know the man, and I already like Drew's mom much better.

"Umm...yeah. Ok?" I said.

"Are you mad?"

"Hehehe, go already. You know I'm not mad." I said, and it thankfully put a smile on his face.

"I have to sneak to the bathroom and clean up. I'll talk to you tomorrow, ok?"

"No talking tomorrow. Just more...'practice'. Hehehe!"

Drew stifled a cute and bashful fit of laughter. "ETHAN??? Hehehe, quit it! You're making me hard again." Then he gave me another kiss, and whispered, "I love you soooo much. I've got the hottest boyfriend EVER! Love you! Love you! Love you! But I've gotta go! But I LOVE you!"

"Hahaha...go clean up already before you glue your hand to your pecker!" I said, and it caused him to laugh out loud that time. "I love you, k?"

"Sighhhh...I love you too, Ethan."


"G'night." I heard a soft click, and even though I was sticky and it was getting a bit...um...'cold' in my lap, all I could do was lean my head back and just snuggle into an afterglow that lasted me almost another half hour.

It may have only been a few minutes...but for that short amount of time...I 'forgot'. I forgot about gossip, I forgot about students, I forgot about prying eyes, I forgot about coming out to my parents...it all went away. None of it mattered at all. Just me...and the love I shared with the most gorgeous, more amazing, boyfriend that anyone could ever HOPE to have.

If only I could keep the amnesia, lose the paranoia, and gain a future worth having...with someone worth loving.

God help me if I screw this up somehow...