Wednesday - So I did it today....sorta.
I spilled the beans on AJ. I talked to Jimmy tonight, and I told him that he was no good and that he was asking for trouble getting mixed up with a boy like that. Of course...I told him all of this 'online' in a private chat sorta thing...but I DID tell him though!
He was going on and on about how wonderful 'Alex' is and how much fun he has with him and how the sex with him this weekend is going to be soooo HOT! And I had to stop him. AJ is going to end up pulverizing that boy's heart! And two heartbreaks in a row is a bit much for anybody to take.
Well...as you might imagine...that didn't go over so well.
It started with me saying the simple words, "Jimmy...dude, I have to tell you something, ok?"
And he's like, "What's up?"
I HATED to do it, because he's so happy and so damn...'adorable' when he's head over heels in love. But it had to be said, right? So I tell him, "Don't you think that he's moving things kinda fast. I mean, what do you really know about this guy? Don't you wanna wait and see if he's good for you?"
So there's this awkward pause, you know? And Jimmy was like, "What are you talking about? Me and Alex have been dating for a couple of weeks now. Where have YOU been?"
But I ask him, "What if he wasn't just 'dating', you know? I mean, what if he was just trying to get you into bed? What happens after you sleep with him? Are things gonna be the same?"
Another pause. Then he goes, "Billy...why are you doing this?" I didn't know what to say at first. The last thing I wanted to do was START OFF by hurting his feelings. He then writes back to say, "Alex and I are boyfriends, Billy. He LIKES me. And I like him back. We kiss and hug and laugh and hang out ALL the time! What makes you think he's such a bad guy?"
Well, I can't really tell him that part, but I say, "Just believe me on this one, Jimmy. I know what I'm talking about, ok? AJ is bad news!"
That set something off in Jimmy, and he writes back instantly and he's like, "How do you know his nickname is AJ??? Huh? What the hell IS this?" Shit. Did NOT mean to make that mistake. He's all, "Just how often do you find time to talk to my boyfriend, Billy?"
I'm like, "WHAT??? I'm not talking to your boyfriend, Jimmy! I'm just trying to give you some advice! I don't want to see you hurt again."
He's like, "Hurt 'again'? AGAIN? What's that supposed to mean?"
I kinda blurted it out on the keyboard, and now that I look back on it, I guess it WAS kinda harsh. I said, "Well...I mean, you gave your virginity to Lee, and you see how that turned out. I just didn't want you to make another big mistake by being too infatuated to know what you're doing."
Yeah, I actually said it. Just like that.
This time the pause was an angry one. I don't know how I could tell just from a few seconds of silence on a computer screen...but I could tell. He said, "I can't believe you just fucking brought that up! You know what? What happened with me and Lee is none of your business! And neither is my relationship with Alex! So do me a favor and stay the fuck out of it!"
Like I said...the conversation didn't go too well.
I tried to calm him down a bit and said, "Jimmy..listen to me, ok? I'm not just saying this to fuck up things between you and 'Alex'. I would NEVER do that. You KNOW that!"
Jimmy wrote back and said, "I don't understand...I thought you were happy for me, Billy."
I'm like, "I AM happy for you, dude! I just don't want to see you get your feelings shredded by some asshole who's just looking for a piece of ass."
So Jimmy's all like, "How can you SAY that? You don't know ANYTHING about him!" And that pretty much puts me in a corner. Because if I start telling him exactly how I know him and what he's planning...then this conversation is going to be a LOT more painful than I wanted it to be. I was going to have to 'out' myself, tell Jimmy I'm gay but not interested in him specifically, AND that my virgin experience just so happened to be with the boy of his dreams. Talk about a triple threat. He'd come after me with a hunting knife if I dropped all of that on him at once.
So what did I do? I said, "Please, Jimmy....please....just trust me. Don't do this until you find out what kind of person he really is. It's not worth having your heart broken."
There was a silence, and then he sent back a sad face emoticon that said, "My heart's already broken. And it's not Alex that's doing it." Sighhh....what else could I say? I mean, what was I supposed to do? Jimmy didn't wait for another response from me. Instead, he just wrote to say, "I can't believe you would try to ruin the only good thing in my life. I can't believe you would try to hurt me this way. I don't wanna talk to you anymore tonight. You're seriously fucking up every positive thing I ever thought about you right now. And that's pretty hard to do, considering how much I liked you."
After that, he signed off. And refused to talk to me any more tonight. Not even when I called his house phone. He's either really hurt or really pissed or both And despite it all, I still wanna do something to help him. I just have to find another way to expose AJ for who he really is before it's too late. He's done enough damage as it is.
So, that was definitely a low point of my day. Also...it seems that Simon is grounded for the rest of the week. The goofy son of a bitch TOLD his parents that he was in detention on Thursday, Friday, and Monday! Not only that...but he told them WHY!!! What the fuck did he go and do THAT for? He could have gotten off scott free without any punishment at all. That boy definitely has to learn how to LE to his parents! What kind of teenager tells their parents the truth about ANYTHING? That's gotta be against some kind of high school code or something! He says he felt guilty about deceiving them. You see? This is what happens when you don't have a bunch of caring friends to totally corrupt your sense of morality from an early age.
Oh yeah...I sorta talked to Bobby Jinette today. It seems that he kinda 'knows' about the Brandon and Stevie situation. Which is SO unfair! He says Brandon told him about the relationship himself Why is Brandon talking to Bobby Jinette and not to me? I mean...he's just as fucking guilty in all this as I am! I mean....isn't he? How did they just 'mend' ways and go back to being 'buddy buddy' with each other when I can't even look at him without him rolling his eyes and turning away from me?
Well, Bobby says, "Actually...he seems kinda happy about moving on, Billy. In fact, he wanted me to tell you that maybe in time, you guys could just go back to being friends. I don't think he wants you to feel hurt or anything..."
And I'm like, "Yeah. Whatever. He kinda said that." But he's not supposed to MEAN it! And he's not supposed to 'move on' either! What the fuck is HAPPENING here? I really didn't want to talk to Bobby about what Brandon was doing with another cute boy, but from what I can tell, they haven't even made out yet. They're just taking things slow for now. I wish I could take some comfort in that, but I don't. That's just the difference between a slow, painful, agonizing death...and having your head smashed in with a cinder block to make it quick. Neither one is helping me to feel any better.
If Brandon thinks I'm just gonna sit back and watch some other boy come along and snatch the love of my life right out from under my nose...he's crazy. I don't wanna go back to being 'friends', is he sick in the head? I want my LOVER back! And I'm sick of leaving it up to 'destiny' to patch things up. I've gotta find a way to fix this before it's too late. I've got enough regrets as it is right now, and I'm not about to let the prettiest boy in school become another strike in the 'loss' column.
Shit...gotta take out the trash. Tomorrow is trash day. How my mom keeps that in her mind at all times is beyond me. I'll write more soon. Later.
Ps- To Jimmy LaPlane...for what it's worth...I'm sorry.