It was hard not to frown up and kick myself as the three of us were heading back down those stairs into my basement to finish off the movie. I mean, I felt like Chris and I were really having a moment up there in the kitchen. I can't tell for sure, but...I just feel like I was probably closer to him than I've ever been before. Not physically, of course. It was just this emotional connection that I never felt before.
Sure...he probably was just being friendly to me as I was being a good host and pouring him a glass full of lemonade to quench his thirst...but I don't think he realized how much having him come upstairs to smile at me and talk to me like a friend was able to quench my thirst as well. I took it to heart. I don't think I had much choice.
It made me realize how great the opportunity was for me to actually have Chris Margo, possibly, become a part of my every day life. You know...beyond my fantasy cravings and the naughty stories that I write about him in secret. So many little moments that Chris and I could share...but they're all so quick. So fleeting. I blink or hesitate for one split second...and the moment is lost forever. But if I charge forward like some kind of wild rhino, and I might end up ruining any future chances of ever sharing a quiet moment with him ever again. Ugh!!! It's so frustrating to be this confused about something that should be so simple. You know?
We all took our places on the couch again, and Johnny started the movie up again. The popcorn was almost gone by this time, and there were only crumbs and some hard, un-popped, kernels in the bottom of the bowl now. So much for being able to reach into Chris Margo's lap for more. I was already having withdrawal symptoms from the lack of the thrill.
Shit, I missed my chance, didn't I?
He came up to talk to me. I gave him lemonade. He invited me over to his house. He may, or may not, have noticed a hard bulge in my pants at the sink. I feel like I did everything wrong. Like....everything! It's like, when I write my 'Andris' fanfics...I always know what to say. I always jump on every opportunity that I get to tell Chris how much I love him, and how long I've been waiting to hold him in my arms. And he always returns the affection and wants the same. He's always interested. He's always horny. Everything seems so easy when you write it or read it in a story. Unfortunately...real life is so much different. Especially in high school...where everything seems to be magnified a trillion times more than it would be for most people. Or so I would assume.
Even sitting on the couch next to him, I was tempted to let my legs spread slightly so my knee would lightly press itself against his. But...I felt a bit more nervous about it now than I did before. It's like...some weird level of added pressure and tension had been introduced into the mix. Touching him in any way, whatsoever, had suddenly become the most frightening act of blatant affection that my mixed up brain could possibly imagine at the moment. And yet...I was compelled to lightly brush up against his leg every few minutes, regardless. Sure, I tried to make it seem accidental, but the electric jolt that I got from being in contact with him at all was enough to make me breathless, almost triggering another involuntary erection that I could only combat by pulling from Chris Margo's addictive presence completely.
An act that nearly broke my heart every time I was forced to shy away from him.
I was forced to wonder if he noticed me at all. If he liked what he saw. Nothing makes you more vigilant than the idea that someone you admire and worship fro head to toe might be watching. Does he, like...'see' me? Would he think about me after tonight? On a scale of 1 to 100...how much do I matter to him outside of being a pal to sit down and watch movies with? You know? This is the kind of annoying mental 'noise' that I've got going through my mind the entire time that he's sitting here next to me. And when my need to be close to him gets to be too much for me to bear...I spread my legs a bit wider...and I bump my leg against his leg again. And it's almost like getting a narcotic fix. A quick feeling of relief and euphoria...followed by the inevitable symptoms of his absence in my system only seconds later. I swear...it's the most entertaining form of torture.
We did make it to the end of the movie, feeling a bit emotional, to be honest. Hehehe! Not something you usually get from a zombie horror flick on a bullet train, but it was pretty damn good. So Chris Margo had definitely passed the 'horror fanboy' test on his first try. So much so, that Johnny and I both applauded the flick as soon as we saw the end credits starting to roll. Hehehe, Chris stood up from the couch, and turned to us to take a bow. He was SO proud. Hell, I think I was too.
Johnny asked, "You got time for one more?" Holding up the small selection of movies that he brought over to match whatever Chris was bringing to the table.
Chris said, "Sure! I've got another hour or two. I can't stay out too late though. My dad will start calling around to find out what I'm up to if I don't get in contact with him."
Johnny hopped up from the couch, and he's like, "You've GOT to check out 'No One Lives', dude! You'll love it!" I knew that it was one of Johnny's favorites, and one of mine too, to be honest. But I wasn't sure what Chris would think about it. He seems to share a similar taste in horror flicks, so I'm thinking that he'll be into it. I'll keep my fingers crossed.
"Hehehe, ok! I'm down." He said. God, he's so cute when he giggles! Look at his dimples! Ahhhhh!!! "It's really that cool, huh?"
"It's dope! You'll see!" Johnny said, already setting up the player to start the next feature.
Chris smiled at me again, and I felt my heart flutter as he came back to sit next to me again. He's so close. I can smell his boyish aroma. It makes me want to bury my nose and lips in the side of his neck so I can inhale it all. It's so hot!
Johnny started the movie, and we've both seen it before a bunch of times, but there's something about watching it with someone who hasn't that just renews the excitement of it all. It's like seeing it for the first time all over again. Wow...I'm sharing another special moment with Chris Margo again! How AWESOME is this? Hehehe!
I kept peeking over at him during the second movie. Seeing his eyes focused on the TV screen, his hazel orbs taking on a new brilliance from the glow in front of him. I was scared of getting caught staring at him, but I don't think that I could really help myself. His cheeks are so smooth. His eyes so bright. His lips so soft and perfectly shaped. It, literally, felt as though my heart was trying to dig its way out of my chest so it could reach out for him and snuggle up next to him...since I was too much of a coward to do it myself.
Thoughts of kissing him were always present. They never left me. And I was paying such close attention to hi that I could actually hear him breathing. Gentle and quiet...but I could hear it. Jesus...even his breathing patterns are sexy! What the hell have I gotten myself tangled up in?
Feeling a bit more brave than before, I allowed my leg to touch his again. But this time...I let it stay connected to him. Our legs were touching, and every second that I allowed it to happen, my breath got shorter and shorter. My heart beat harder and harder. It was almost a game with me, trying to see just how long I could let the contact linger before it became too much for me to take and I had to snatch myself away before I lost consciousness from the breathtaking hype of it all. WOW...touching him is so damn cool!!!
Then...without warning, Chris noticed the contact, and he turned his head to look directly at me. This shocked me! It was just...unexpected, you know?
I pulled my legs together immediately, and while trying to control a massive blush on my part...I whispered, "....Sorry...."
"Huh?" He said. Does that mean that he didn't understand me? Or that he didn't hear me? I don't know...I did say it pretty softly.
"Ahem...sorry." I said, a bit louder.
"Hehehe, for what?" He asked.
"Nothing." Good cover, right? Don't draw any attention to the fact that I was practically committing an act of sexual assault by rubbing my leg up against him like some sort of horny puppy in need of a good neutering! "I'm hogging up too much room on the couch." I added, just to make things seem more 'normal'.
Chris giggled to himself, saying, "Yeah! I could totally use some more room over here. Geez!" And, all of a sudden, Chris not only spread his legs as wide as he possibly could to touch us both on the couch, but he leaned over to me and mashed his body up against me, playfully crushing me up against the arm of the couch. "Yeah...I definitely wanna spread out! I'm a sucker for comfort! Scoot over! Hehehe!"
Ohhhhhhhh...my...GOD!!! Chris' hot boy body was all over me, and I started to laugh out loud as he pushed himself against me. Oh WOW! I'm *SO* in LOVE!!! Ahhhh, please, don't EVER stop humping yourself against me, Chris Margo! Not ever!!!
"Hahaha! Get off!" I don't know why I said it. I think it was an insecure, closeted boy, reaction that just sort of happens without reason. Damn you, social brainwashing! Chris scooted back over to the middle of the couch again, and I tried to relish the lingering fragrance of having him smother me the way he did. Goosebumps. Total goosebumps. All over. Yikes...I feel dizzy again.
"Here it comes!" Johnny said, nudging Chris in the arm to get his focus back on the movie. "Check this out!"
Chris went back to watching the movie, and...once again...I couldn't help but to feel a certain emptiness inside from losing Chris' undivided attention. I know it's selfish, but...it just felt like another cherished moment in my life that passed me by all too quickly for me to truly appreciate and enjoy it. Another opportunity missed. I wish that I could be engaged in so much more, you know? No amount of Chris Margo is ever enough.
We were watching the movie, and this is when Chris' eyebrows went up, and his jaw dropped as his eyes widened. "DUDE!!! Omigod! Is he...? Wait...!!! Did he just...???" Chris was so shocked by what was going on. And now it was our turn to be proud of the movie we were showing him. "Ewww! Oh GOD!!! HAHAHA!!! Ok...so, I did NOT see that coming! He's covered in so much blood! Holy shit! This guy is my new favorite guy EVER! That guy's a friggin' badass!!!" Chris said, and he was so happy that I almost felt as though I was having a full body orgasm, just from knowing that he was so pleased.
He LIKES it! Oh man...he really likes it! GREAT pick, Johnny! I owe you one, dude!
We all watched the movie to the end, and I have to admit to being a bit envious of the movie itself for captivating Chris so much, when all I wanted was to have him gaze into my eyes for an hour or two instead of watching a TV screen at all. I also found myself being jealous of Johnny's ability to be so calm and natural around him, all while I was sitting there, scrutinizing every word that I managed to mumble under my breath, every awkward movement of my hands, every blink, every gasp, every trembling sensation that ran through me...worried that Chris or Johnny would be able to see it for what it was and call me out on it. Trying to hide it was an exhausting task in itself...but what else could I do?
Being discovered would be the ultimate embarrassment. I just had to bite my tongue and hope that Chris Margo didn't feel the creepy vibes that come with my hungry eyes gliding over the flawless surface of his porcelain skin.
And once the movie was over...Chris returned the favor by applauding us for providing him with a great movie. Giggling the whole way. I joined him in clapping, but only Johnny got up to mimic his bow from before. I was pretty much semi hard throughout the whole movie, and having Chris look me in the eye only made my hardness spring up in a display that I could only describe as being...obscene.
We did talk for a bit, but it wasn't long before Chris got a text from his dad, asking him where he was. And Chris sent him a quick answer, saying, "Hey...it's been fun, you guys, but I think I've gotta run back home before my dad starts getting weird on me."
Disappointment set in immediately. "Awww...ok." I said. "Yeah, this was...this was super cool."
Johnny added, "Hell yeah! What else have you got? I've got more too! We've gotta burn through them all eventually. You definitely know your shit! "Train To Busan" was incredible! I'm gonna make sure to pick that up, myself. I've got some cousins that'll dig that one, super heavy!"
"Awesome." Chris grinned. Then he turned to me, "What about you, Andrew? Did you like it too?"
Almost frozen in my tracks, I stumbled with, "I thought it was...amazing. One of the best I've ever seen. I'm glad you brought it over. I would have missed out."
Chris smiled, and then he did that really cute thing where he runs his fingers through his hair and sighs out loud. Is he blushing too??? Omigod! I think he is! "Cool. I'm glad you enjoyed it. I liked your movie too. We should trade more stuff." He said.
"...Yeah..." I breathed, dreamily.
"...Yeah..." He replied. "Soon?"
"Sure. Soon." I giggled.
I think Johnny was feeling a bit 'out of the loop' for a moment, because he seemed to give us a bit of an awkward look. Was I being that obvious? I wasn't trying to be. We were just talking. Besides, Johnny is the one who invited Chris over here in the first place! So what's HE got to be suspicious about? Geez!
When Chris actually walked up the basement steps, with Johnny and I right behind him, I couldn't help but to feel a wave of sadness washing over me. Why did my sweetheart have to leave? Why didn't I pounce on him when I had the chance? It just felt like I was never going to get a chance like this ever again!
I still can't believe that I had Chris Margo in my house. That defies all reason. It really does.
"Well, I've still got your numbers, so we'll get together again some time soon. K?" Chris said.
Johnny was like, "Damn straight! Have you seen "End Of The Line" yet?"
"Hmmm...I don't think so. That's a new one on me." Chris answered. "Have you ever seen "Don't Breathe"?"
"Oooh! No! But I've been wanting to check that one out, though! Iheard it was good!" Johnny said.
"Oh man, that movie is crazy! If you liked "No One Lives", that movie is just right for you!"
"SWEET!!! I'm down! We both are!" Johnny looked over at me, and I saw Chris' hazel eyes glide over to meet my infatuated stare, and my knees got so weak that I nearly had to reach out for a nearby wall to keep from falling over.
Quit being a dork, Andrew! SAY SOMETHING!!!
"Ummm..." Think think think..."Yeah. I've never...seen that one either. That might be...like...fun, and stuff."
Chris was definitely blushing now! I thought that I had imagined it at first, but now it was clearly visible, and it was driving me insane.
"Yeah. Fun..." I said.
And Johnny looked at us as though there was something severely 'off' about our behavior. I guess it was just a few random horror movies to him. But to Chris and me? It felt like this...pact, you know? A covenant. And the sensual promise to maybe gain access to something more than just a few missed opportunities and the seemingly innocent of one boy's leg rubbing against another's for a few timid seconds at a time.
I don't know...maybe I'm imagining all of this. But I can't deny that I'm having fun doing so! Hehehe! Chris Margo...mqaking plans to see me again. The whole concept of it is bonkers!
I took a few shameless peeks at Chris' ass again as he walked to the door and put his sneakers back on to leave. He's so cute. I can't BELIEVE how cute he is! He looked up and said, "Thanks for having me over, you guys. I'll call you up soon. K?"
"M'kay..." I sighed.
"Alright. We'll get together for more blood and gore as soon as possible." Johnny giggled, but Chris' eyes seemed to be focused on me instead.
"See ya later, Andrew..." He said, softly.
"Bye!" Johnny replied. Ugh! Really, dude? Just...'bye'? That seems so rude in comparison to the sonnets of romantic poetry that i was trying to put together in my head before he answered him first.
And with that, I had to experience the depressing sight of watching the absolute love of my entire teenage life walk out to the end of my driveway and turn on the sidewalk to head home. It was like I could feel the pound of his every footstep in the center of my heart as he stepped further and further away from me. I couldfeel the distance increasing between us. It had only been ninety seconds, and I was already anticipating the moment that we'd be able to meet, face to face, again. Even though I was still buzzing like crazy over the amount of time we spent together tonight.
Oh man...I just realized...
This was the longest amount of time that I ever spent talking to Chris Margo in my life! Like..we say hi, and pass each other in the hallway, and...well, I tried to get a good peek at his junk in the boy's bathroom...but this is a new precedent as far as us actually having an interaction outside of the type of conversation that I could have with any random stranger at the bus stop. That's a milestone!
I'm sooooo anxious to write this down! I'm going to have to find a way to get Johnny out of here soon while this tingly sensation of swoon-worthy feelings are surging through me so I can start the next 'Andris' fanfic! I've got so many ideas brewing already! Ugh! My brain is working overtime right now!
Go home, Johnny! Go HOME! Hehehehe! Sorry, but I've got a fantasy to build, dude!
And I feel like I've got a lot more to work with this time in terms of making it feel so so SO very real!
Sighhhh...Chris Margo was in my house....wow...