On The Outside

Chapter 14

My passionate little activity with Drew on the phone last night had me feeling soooo close to my sweetheart that I actually woke up this morning expecting him to be lying right beside me in bed. Hopefully waiting for another loving kiss as we wrapped our arms and legs around each other for another go at it.

There was something so sexy about it. The sound of the sexual haze in his voice on the line, the heavy breathing, increasing in pace as he pleasured himself to thoughts of me. We really connected while doing that. I don't have the words to even come close to explaining how, or why. But it made me miss him more than ever. If only he was here. If only I could reach out and touch him.

Oh wow...imagine how awesome that would be. To simply roll over every morning, still all warm and snuggly under the covers...with the boy I love more than anything in the world...and being able to give him an adorable little 'good morning' kiss on those unbelievably soft lips of his. Having him lazily open his eyes, and greet me with a smile so bright that it could shame the most arrogant rays of sunlight as they streamed in through our bedroom window. Imagine being able to snuggle my face into the side of his neck, hearing him giggle as I inhaled his sweetened scent with a sigh. Embracing one another, allowing our naked skin to slide against each other until goose bumps of sensual excitement rose proudly to provide us an enhanced feeling of sensual friction. Mmmm...thoughts of snaking my arms around his slim waist, holding him tight...laying on our sides in the morning warmth...holding his soft, round, ass cheek in my palm as his leg slid up onto my hip...rising until I held it steady against my abdomen...leaving his virgin hole completely exposed. Ready and twitching eagerly in anticipation of my finger's loving touch.

I sighed out loud in my bed, curling up a bit as the most intense feelings of puppy love threatened to crush me from the inside. I just wanted to hold him, you know? I wanted him here. It hurt to not have him close. He's sooooo far away. Sighhhh.....arrrgh! This almost HURTS! You know that? I just....I wanna look into his eyes, and lightly play with that chaotic mess of curly brown silk on his head....just bathing in the light of his boyish grin. My hand tracing the soft curve of his bottom...his warm, spongy, flesh in my hands...my middle fingertip slowly circling the bright pink reward just inches away from its downward journey.

Oh God....WOW! Why couldn't he be here? Why couldn't we be together? I need him soooo much right now....

Those first few thoughts of Drew and I together, all alone and just...'free to be' like that...Jesus! It just, like...overwhelmed me to the point of involuntary tremors. I rolled over with a slight giggle, and hugged my pillow as tightly to my chest as my young arms would allow. I swear I can feel Drew swimming around in my veins. Like an extra dose of high powered adrenaline, carrying me beyond the threshold of a normal existence and pushing me into an endless abyss of joy and pride. There's no feeling in the world that can come close to it. And I LOVE that! I mean, what is love if you don't do it recklessly?

Today is the day. And I already KNOW that I'm gonna remember it for the rest of my life no matter what, but my main concern now was just making sure that Drew felt twice as much magic from it as I did. I wanna make it so good for him. So special. Something that we can really look back on and cherish someday, when we're both old and gray and still in each other's arms. Hehehe!

I'm not exactly sure how I'm gonna do that, since I've never done anything like this before...but...I'm sure I'll figure it out somehow.

I got into the shower and got myself as sweet smelling and squeaky clean as I possibly could. I made sure my hair was perfect. My teeth were sparkling bright enough to blind me through my own reflection. The exact outfit that I wanted to wear had been carefully picked out the night before, and laid out over the back of my chair to keep fresh and aired out. I got out a brand new pair of socks, just out of the bag, never worn before. I even took a damp rag to my sneakers this morning. Today had to be just right, you know? If I'm gonna be his Prince Charming, I'm gonna look the part.

I was putting my notebook and a few folders of homework into my backpack when the phone rang. I almost didn't pay it any attention, as I can't imagine anybody calling the house this early outside of bill collectors and the school computer. But when I walked past the phone, I saw Drew's number on the ID, and excitedly yanked it up to my ear. "Hello???"

"Um...hey, hehehe!" He sounded so cute over the phone. I could always tell how bashful his smile was by the tone of his voice alone. It was one of those little things that I really loved about that boy.

"You'd better not be calling to give me bad news today." I smiled.

Drew sighed a bit, and he said, "No. No bad news. Promise." Then he added, "I kinda overslept this morning. My dad thought I was awake and getting ready. Hehehe, I think I was dreaming that I was, but I wasn't. Anyway, I'm gonna be late. But I WILL be in class. I didn't want you to freak out on me or anything. K?"

"K...." I said, a shaky feeling in my stomach as I leaned back against the wall for support.

Then he softly added, "Plus...I kinda....wanted to hear your voice. I uh...couldn't wait....heh..."

I melted instantly. "...K..." I didn't know what else to say. "So we're, like...still on for today, right?"

"Hehehe, uhhh, as far as I know. Yeah..." He said. I could almost feel his heated blush through the receiver. It was shy little moments like this when Drew would probably be biting his bottom lip, and lightly twirling one of his light brown curls around his index finger. I can envision it now.

"Cool." I said, and there was a silence between us, where we just grinned to ourselves and tried to think of something else to talk about. We just wanted the moment to last for a little bit longer. Trust me, if I could have kept talking to him on the phone nonstop until we were face to face, I would have.

"Well..." He said, and then nearly whispered, "...I've gotta go. I'm sorry. But I'll, um...I'll see you soon, Ethan."

Was he shaking like I was shaking? It sounded like he was. "Ok. See you soon." Then...without being able to help myself, I said, "Hey Drew? Are you ready?"

"Ready for what?"

"I love you...." I said breathlessly, and a little gasp and a whimper escaped his sweet lips before he was able to stop it.

"Hehehe, that was sneaky." He giggled. "Ummm...hehehe...I can't umm...'talk' right now, if you know what I mean. But...you know....me too. Ok?"

"K. Bye."

"Bye..." He, very quietly, gave me an angelic little kiss, then hung up the phone before his dad suspected anything weird. My baby. Oh wow...I think I'm going to be floating around on cloud nine for the next four hours or so. I don't know how I'm gonna make it that long. I'll be daydreaming myself into a full blown stupor by the end of first period. I just know it.

I grabbed some toast for breakfast, and took a small bag of grapes with me to eat on the way to school. Nothing heavy. I doubt that I could stand being full with my stomach turning back flips like this anyway. I just remember trying to keep myself from thinking about Drew the whole time, and having to keep switching my mind to something weird just to keep from tenting out the front of my pants over and over again. What the hell? I just KEPT getting hard! AWKWARD! Drew's kiss crossed my mind every ten seconds, at least. And once I thought about it, it was soooo hard to let go of the image. I kept getting this major rush of warm tingles that made my insides wiggle with excitement. It would start in my lower back, and gradually slide up my spine to my shoulders. Then it would crawl up the back of my neck, tickling me behind the ears as the muscles in my cheeks pulled my lips back in a big goofy smile. I just couldn't STOP it. I must have looked like some kind of axe murdering psycho to the other people on the bus. Not that it mattered. I was too far gone to care. And it stayed with me, even as I walked across the school lawn. The rest of reality had never been so invisible before.

When Drew got to class, about 15 minutes late, he took his seat next to me, and the second our eyes met...a furious attack of the giggles took us over. I noticed some of the other kids in the room looking at us. Confused over what the heck was happening here. But Drew and I just continued to hush each other and tried to keep ourselves from getting into trouble once the bell rang. I don't know how he stayed conscious, blushing that hard for that long. Hehehe! But it was cute. Everything Drew does is cute.

He was soooo beautiful today. It was impossible not to stare. I think I spent a good five minutes just staring at his fingers alone, watching him nervously twirling a pen back and forth, occasionally tapping it on the desktop. Sometimes Drew licks his lips in the cutest way while he's taking notes. He does it just a little bit. Just a thin application of moisture to their lush, dark pink, surface. So kissable. So alluring. Gosh. He's playing with his curls again. I love to see him fiddle with his hair. He does it in a way that makes you want to reach out and play with it too. The curls are so soft. Like big warm noodles. If I rub them just right, Drew closes his eyes, and it's like his whole body relaxes in my arms. It's adorable. Hehehe...oh and sometimes, he bounces on the balls of his feet while sitting at his desk. Just for a few seconds, and then he stops. I don't think he realizes that he's doing it. But yeah...I thought that was cute too.

If I don't get to mash my lips up against his again soon...I'm gonna scream. Right here in the middle of class. This is driving me crazy right now. I can't stand it! Sighhh....this was SO not a part of the plan, Ethan. You're losing it, bro.

And STOP sighing so much before people think you're having some sort of respiratory attack! Geez!

By the end of class, I was trying to restrain myself from reaching out to touch the fabric of Drew's shirt. It made my fingertips itch. Seriously. When the bell rang, Drew peeked over at me briefly, and he buried his head in his backpack to keep from bursting out laughing. It was adorable! He was just being so...happy. He's so CUTE when he's happy. Why is it so hard to keep from gushing over him at this point? I mean, I'm seriously getting 'sloppy' here. And yet...the deeper I fall in love with Drew....the deeper I want to fall in love with Drew. The thrill was endless.

We left that classroom together, and walked side by side in the hall for a few seconds without saying anything at all. Him, because he was too shy to really think of anything. And me, because I was so enchanted by his gentle beauty that I could hardly catch my breath. The pull was so strong. As much as I loved Drew before...I don't think the feeling had ever been this serious before. All that time I wasted, fighting off a feeling like this. And now that I'm getting a full dose of it firsthand...it just feels right. Deep down, I guess it always felt right. Of course...it ALSO feels like it's about to knock me right off of my feet and back on my ass at any moment. But even that feels good.

Omigod...this is it. This is really it. The kind of love that people write songs about. Poetry. Movies. The kind of feeling that people go to war over. It all seemed so overdone to me before. Some theatrical exaggeration of a very simple concept. But it was soooo much more than I ever thought it would be. It was more than 'sex plus friendship equals love'. Drew wasn't somebody that I just wanted to live with. He had become someone that I couldn't live without. I never knew that there was such a huge difference between the two.

"You're making me feel funny..." Drew giggled, finally being the first one to speak.

"I am? I'm sorry, hehehe, what did I do?"

"You're just..." He hid his smile from me by looking the other way, and gently shrugged his shoulders. "...You make me feel....'clumsy'." He listened to what he was saying, and rolled his eyes at his own comment. "You know what I mean."

"No. Not really. Hehehe!"

"Well, you just...you make every minute that I'm in this place...'fun'. And...nothing feels real anymore, you know?"

"It doesn't feel real?" I asked.

"Well....I mean, it's...complicated. Hehehe! I guess I just can't seem to pull you out of the 'too good to be true' category."

I smiled. "That's too bad. You'll just have to keep trying."

"You don't make it easy." He smirked, then looked around briefly before whispering, "Nobody has ever looked at me the way you look at me. I kinda...don't know what to do with the feeling. But I like it."

My breath got caught in my throat for a moment, and there was that intense rush again. I found myself caught in the middle of a heavy swoon, and moved my books in front of me to hide myself as my hardness began to react accordingly. I think I've developed a serious 'hair-trigger' these days. I couldn't even suppress it before it was almost fully hard. It made walking...um...difficult. I had to stop for a second and pretended to look in my backpack for something. Drew stopped walking and looked back to see what I was doing. I think the position of my bag along with a deep red blush on my face had clued him in as to what was going on. I didn't dare look him in the eye, but even with my head down, his girlish giggles were contagious. This feeling just gets better and better by the second.

I finally was able to finish walking Drew to his classroom. Every now and then, I would catch a few remarks being quietly mumbled behind his back. A few lingering looks from the other students. But as long as I was with him, the worst of the bullying had died down drastically. Funny how people tend to back off when their target isn't completely alone and helpless to defend himself. I barely gave it any attention anymore. But if someone walked past us and gave Drew a dirty look, I made sure to stare them right in the eyes, daring them to try something. I almost wanted them to. I'm just WAITING to make an 'example' out of one of these self righteous assholes so the rest of their brain-dead goons can see what the deal is going to be from now on. Drew's heart is too rare, and too precious, to be broken by the likes of those worthless degenerates. And I'm going to protect it at all costs from now on. I have to. That's my job now.

"Just a couple more hours to go..." I said, and Drew bit corner of his bottom lip. SEE??? Cute!

"Umm...yeah." He looked into my eyes and smiled warmly. "I can...meet you in the park or something. I mean, if you want. Everybody will be crowding the halls and all...so...I'd understand if you wanna..."

"I'll meet you at your locker." I grinned. "I'm not going anywhere without you. Got it?" I think he still worries about who sees us together, but I'm too goofy over him to care at this point. "Ok?" I asked, and he nodded. He seemed a little misty eyed, but he was trying really hard to fight it. So I let him go. No need for us both to get all weepy and weird before our next class.

I was picking up the pace so I wouldn't be late to second period, but did a double take as I came across Billy and Joey at their lockers down the hall. They were engaging each other with a little small talk, and I felt really bad about what I said to them the other day. I figured that this was hardly the time for me to be worried about foolish pride. They're my friends. They have been for a long time. I never really meant to ditch them for Drew's company. I guess I just got a bit carried away with everything all at once. It's hard to explain to them without coming clean about being gay...but I figured that I could at least make the effort. If for no other reason that I miss those guys. Jermaine too. I just wish they could understand my need for a little space and privacy right now. That's all. Just for now. Maybe when things mellow out again, I'll find my balance again. I'll be able to have a boyfriend and my best friends too. It just takes practice, I suppose.

I might be a minute or two late for class, but this was kinda important. The sooner I do this, the better.

I walked over to start off by saying hello, and thought that maybe I could move into an apology from there. But as soon as Joey saw me heading in their direction, he nudged Billy in the side with his elbow. They didn't seem too happy.

"Hey, guys...." I said, but they pretty much ignored me.

Billy closed his locker, and then turned to Joey. "C'mon, man. Let's get outta here. Before we end up being 'pests' again." And they left me. They just...walked away and left me.

I called out, "Oh, come on, you guys! I said I was sorry. Can't you at least talk to me?" But Joey just sneered at me over his shoulder, and they kept walking. What the hell? Since when did THEY get to be so freaking sensitive? If I treated them like that, they would have called me every emo sissy name in the book. Fine. Whatever. Let them pout like a couple of babies. Jermaine too. When they stop being so silly about this I'll try again. For now...maybe we just need a break. Maybe that's for the best after all. Can't say that I didn't try.

The next two periods felt like an eternity squared. I kept looking at the clock, and there were times when I could have sworn that there were extra 'numbers' added to it, just for the sake of making the hour take longer. I was thinking, 'Who the hell put TAR in my hour glass??? This is ridiculous!!!!' But just when I was tense and frustrated enough to snap the end of my desk off and toss it across the room like Captain America...the midday bell rang! And that meant freedom! Glorious freedom! And SEX! I couldn't have bolted out of that room fast enough. Had I been moving through those hallways any faster, I might have actually caused a rip in the fabric of time. I raced to my locker, my smile already widening to the point of being painful, my trembling hands wrestling with the combination lock on my locker.

It was then that I noticed it. I mean it was pretty obvious, actually...but I hadn't paid it much attention until my wits were about me. It was just a long, thick, black mark on the door of my locker. Just a random vertical line. I figured some kid had probably been wandering the halls, trying to put his little graffiti tag on whatever blank space he could find and got caught before he was able to finish. I just wish that it wasn't MY locker. Ugh! Whatever.

I tried to rub it off a little bit with my thumb. Even used a little spit on it. But it was black permanent marker, so it wasn't going anywhere. Great. I guess I should consider it a new design for the rest of the semester. Just so long as I don't get blamed for doing it, I couldn't care less.

I got my stuff out, locked it back, and started practically skipping my way towards Drew's locker. Almost there. It's almost time. If I can just make it through one little bus trip to his house...we can be together again. Really together. Alone. It might only be for a few hours, but it'll last us a lifetime.

GOD...I hope I can make it!

I was floating on air and so involved with my own all consuming joy...that I almost tripped over my own feet....when I saw Patrick standing at Drew's locker.

Why.....why was Patrick standing at Drew's locker? What for? I mean...I certainly didn't invite him. What is he doing? Why is he over there?

I had gotten too close to turn around and pretend to have been going in the other direction. He had already seen me. He even gave me a wave. "Hey, Ethan. Sup, dude?" I think it took every muscle in my face working overtime to not frown up as I shuffled my way over to him. I didn't know what was going on or where this was going, but I already didn't like it.

"Hey, 'Patrick'..." I grunted. God, am I being super obvious about being unhappy to see him or what? "What's going on?"

"Nothing much. I just wanna get out of here. I don't even have anything to do but I'd rather 'not be doing it' at home, you know?"

"Yeah...I guess..." Was I gritting my teeth? I didn't mean to.

"Anyway, have you seen Drew around? I'm kinda looking for him." Why is he looking for Drew? Why is this pretty boy looking for MY pretty boy?

"I...I saw him this morning. But that's about it. Why?" I asked.

"It's nothing major. We were talking about some good ebooks in study hall the other day. I told him I'd make him a short list of some of my favorites. I think he'd like them a lot..."

I practically cut him off, "Oh is that all. Well, if you're in a hurry to leave or something, you can just give 'em to me. I'll make sure that he gets them." Patrick gave me a bit of a weird look at first. I guess my reaction was a bit crazy, but I didn't need Mr Sweetface here wrecking the curve for my sex appeal by being around when Drew got here.

Patrick was like, "Well...yeah. That would be ok, I guess."

"Sure. When I see him, I'll give it to him. You know, not that I'm just waiting around for him or anything, I just...I talk to him...sometimes..." I should just shut up now. I'm only making things worse.

"That's cool. Well, here..." He said, and he handed me a folded up sheet of paper. "My top three are highlighted. Tell him to let me know what he thinks. I'd be interested to see which ones he likes too." Then he said he'd see me later and started to leave. I don't know what it was, but something tightened up in my stomach, and as soon as I thought he was far enough away from me, I swiftly turned around to open up the piece of paper he handed me. I don't know...I just wanted to see what he 'said', you know? Since him and Drew are so friendly and familiar these days. I mean, if it's just a few ebook suggestions...it's not like his note would have to be private, right? I wouldn't think so. It's not like he has anything to worry about. I'm just gonna take a little peek. No biggie. "Hey, Ethan...?" Patrick's voice came from right behind me, and I nearly jumped out of my skin, crumpling the paper closed as fast as I could and hiding it behind my back.

"Huh? What??? What is it?" I said.

He hesitated for a second, and then said, "Listen...can I ask you something? You don't have to answer this if you don't want to, I just hope you're not, like...offended or anything."

Offended by what? "Umm...I guess so. Yeah."

And Patrick asks me, right there in the hallway, "Are you Drew's boyfriend?"

What the...??? Why the fuck would he ask me a question like THAT??? Who told him that I...that we...? "Am I....am I what?" I stuttered, TOTALLY unprepared for that question.

"I was just kinda wondering. I mean, you guys are so close and all. Drew talks about you all the time. I just kinda figured...well, you know. I hope this isn't awkward. I mean, it's ok if you are. I just had this feeling..."

"What feeling? You had a feeling? What kind of feeling? I...Drew and me....that is..." I honestly don't know why that moment had literally terrified me out of my ability to put words together all of a sudden...but it did. I was seriously stuck. Frozen like a deer in headlights. I had NOTHING to stall him with.

I don't know what I was feeling. Part panic, part confusion, part shame. Yeah...shame. All those glorious thoughts about the tenderness and beauty of love...and I tossed it all out the window the second somebody actually asked me about it. Some 'Romeo' I turned out to be.

It was then that I saw Drew walking up to his locker, and peeking his head out from behind Patrick's shoulder. "Hey, you guys. Is this a party? What's going on?" He grinned.

I kept my mouth shut, and my eyes wide, practically hyperventilating at the threat of being asked to speak again.

Patrick gave Drew a playful smirk and said, "I was just asking Ethan here if maybe he was this mystery dream boy of yours. But he hasn't answered me yet."

Drew looked shocked at first, and I have to admit that I took some comfort in knowing that his boyfriend was still a 'mystery' to the people he talked to about me. I'd be SO uncomfortable if I knew that he was telling someone else without at least asking me first.

Drew giggled nervously, looking back and forth between us, and he said, "WHAT? Ethan? NO!!! No...Patrick, Ethan's my friend. He's just...really cool to me. Like you are. You know that." And I watched Drew blush and laugh a bit more, but...I was still a bit lost as to how to feel about all this. It was a majorly weird situation. That's all. Drew gave Patrick a playful push on the shoulder, and I watched closely as I noticed that their friendship wasn't just...some near faceless acquaintance from a random row in a study hall any longer. Did it bother me? I don't know. I've been so overprotective and territorial about Drew these days, it's hard to know what I feel when it comes to him interaction with anyone else but me.

Patrick grinned and said, "Well...I wanna know who he is, already. The way you've been acting lately, he's gotta be a stud. You know I won't say anything. Why don't you just tell me who he is?"

"Why don't you stop being nosey? How about that?" Drew said. "It's none of you beeswax anyway."

"Alright, fine. But I'm gonna find out eventually, you know? I can just tell that you wanna talk about him right now. You're getting all fidgety and red in the face again. Hehehe, it's only a matter of time before you crack." Patrick told him.

Drew said, "I thought you were so anxious to go home today? So go."

"Not as anxious as you, evidently. You practically knocked your desk over when the half day bell rang. You got 'plans' or something? Hehehe!"

"Go away! Hehehe! Omigod, leave me alone! You're so naughty." Drew pushed him a bit, his wiry little arms hardly having much effect on Patrick at all. Patrick was a bit waifish himself, but he was big enough to stand up to Drew's meager attempts to move him against his will.

"I'm going, I'm going. But I'm gonna know what you did by the tilt of your smile tomorrow. Trust me. Hehehe! See you later." Patrick backed up a step or two, and then turned that charm onto me without warning. "Hey, no hard feelings, k? Sorry about the mix up, Ethan. I didn't mean anything by it. But I honestly thought it might be you. Drew talks about you like you're Santa Claus or something. No offense."

"Ummm...none taken...I guess?" I said under my breath.

"I wouldn't be surprised though. Just saying."

"I....I uhh...." I couldn't put any thoughts together that were at all relevant to the moment at hand. But the fact that it was enough to get him to back up from us and start walking in the other direction...that was something, right? I mean...like....right?

Drew's blush deepened as he glanced over at me briefly, and worked to open up his locker. Hiding his face with the door when it opened. It was done with the cutest level of bashful grace....but despite the little green monster clawing at my emotions from the inside, I tried to make a joke out of it anyway. "Sooooo....Patrick's coming to meet you at your locker after school now, huh?"

Drew's jaw dropped, his sweet smile still in place. "Ethan! Hehehe! STOP that! Patrick's just my friend..."

I faked a shock of my own, letting my jaw drop down as well. "Wait a second! You just told him the same thing about me!"

"Yeah well, it was a bold faced LIE when I said it to him." He said.

"Are you sure? I'd hate to think you were running around with a harem of blond boys when I wasn't looking."

"I can't." He said. "My heart's full already. No more room." It was sweet. Probably sweeter than he thought it would sound to my love struck ears. When our eyes connect, and he recognized the impact of it, he turned away again. Burying himself back in his locker. So shy about his own smile. I can't imagine why.

As Drew was digging around through his papers and books, I noticed a couple of boys walking past us...and they were all carrying the same wicked grin on their faces. I tensed up a little bit, attempting to give them a somewhat intimidating glare in return. Just in case they were thinking about trying to start something. But they didn't say a word. Just looked me in the eyes and kept walking. I was glad that Drew hadn't seen it. He worries so much about bringing his 'curse' to my life.

"Ok, I think I've got everything." He said, his cute little butt wagging for a few seconds before standing up straight and closing his locker door. I kept my eyes on the boys walking down the hall in the other direction, and noticed two of them looking back over their shoulder at me before rounding the corner. "What? What are you looking at?" Drew asked me, and I turned my attention to him.

"Nothing. Doesn't matter." We stood there for a moment, and smiled. "So...are we ready?"

"Yeah. Definitely." He said. And we both left for the bus stop.

I'm not exactly sure what those jerks in the hall were up to, but I'm not gonna let it get to me. Not today. Today is just for me and Drew. I'll be damned if they ruin it by having me think about them for one more minute that I should have to.

It's our time to experience paradise. Heaven on Earth, with an angel of my choosing. What else matters?