Friday - Omigod, I had a close call today!!! Jesus, I've REALLY gotta be more careful! See...I had completely forgotten about talking to Simon about coming over today after school to hang out. So when he asked me during class today, I figured, what the hell? You know? It would be cool to have him over again. It's been a while. And it won't be some mentally exhausting tutoring session like last time either. So I was kinda looking forward to it.
Well, he came over, and we just kinda slipped right back into being friends like we were before. I mean there were no awkward moments, no weird apologies or explanations for why we stopped...we just...had a good time. And you wanna know something else? He's TOTALLY cool with me talking about gay stuff too! Which, I was kinda hoping he would be, but I didn't know for sure just yet. I think he kinda opened the floodgates with that one, because I sorta...ummm...spilled out a lot more than I had planned to! I even told him that Brandon was my boyfriend. And he was like, "Brandon? Really. Cool. I kinda figured that. You guys got really close, really fast. Brandon doesn't talk to anybody else much except for you." I couldn't believe that he was being so awesome about all of this. And then he asked me if I liked anybody else. He said, "I mean, besides Brandon. And Jamie Cross, obviously." He giggled when he saw me blush. So he was like, "Ooh...this must be good! Tell me, tell me, tell me!!!"
Ok, so I was totally not ready to start indulging in 'homo-gossip' with another boy just yet. ESPECIALLY a straight boy like Simon! But I took a chance anyway. So I was totally like, "Well...I kinda had a big thing for my best friend, Sam." A big smile broke out on Simon's face, and he told me to go on. "And...there's this guy, Lee...who I think is REALLY cute."
He wrinkled up his forehead for a moment, and said, "Lee? Hmmm...I don't think I know him."
I told him, "He goes to a different school. But, trust me, he's extremely hot." God, I couldn't believe that I was actually DOING this! "Oh, and I think that Bobby...Jinette...is, you know...kinda....sorta...cute. Kinda." I didn't want to overplay that one too much. After all, that's still a bit of a 'crime' as far as my attractions are concerned.
He said, "I KNEW it! I could totally tell that you liked Bobby! You are so busted!" Arrrgh! I it really that obvious! I've seriously gotta stay away from Bobby when we're in school and around other people. So Simon's like, "Who else? I know there's gotta be more!"
Now...this was really embarrassing to say, but....things were going so great, and he was being so cool about everything, So...I told him. "Well..I kinda had a crush...and JUST for a little while...like, maybe a week or two...or three...whatever...on...uhhh..." And he wanted to know, but I couldn't say it out loud, so I just kinda nodded in his direction. I don't think he got it, so I nodded again, and he STILL didn't get it. So finally, I just came out and said, "On YOU, doofus!"
If only I had a picture of the look on his face! Hahaha! It seriously took him a minute to process it all. And Simon is the smart one, so it never takes him more than a few seconds to process much of anything. Then he's all like, "Get outta here. Dude, be serious!"
And I said, "Dude, I AM serious! Honest! I thought you were...really cute. I always thought you were cute."
I don't think he believed me at first, but after looking in my eyes, he eventually stopped trying to laugh it off. He was like, "Wow...you really are serious, aren't you?" And I nodded, and he sat back for a moment and just....I don't know...'absorbed the concept' or something. I was almost ready to start worrying that he'd freak out on me or something before he smiled. He said, "I don't think I ever had somebody have a crush on me before. Are you for real? Like, FOR REAL, for real???"
And I asked him, "Is it that hard to believe?"
And he said, "Fuck yeah, it's hard to believe! I mean, I'm not...pretty."
I said, "It's not all about being 'pretty', Simon. Sometimes, you just love the person who means the most to you." Then I said, "Besides, you're a LOT prettier than you think you are."
He giggled for a second, looking up at the ceiling. I think he was REALLY flattered! He said, "I just...wow. Thanks Billy." And he looked at me and said, "Dude, I am totally playing for the wrong team if I can get somebody like you to want me. Hehehe!" I think I could have gone a bit further with my confession, and told him about why I had invited him over to be alone with him those first few times...and how I tried to get him into the idea of getting...well...fucked silly! Hehehe! But I decided to leave that part alone. Not that he couldn't figure it out all on his own if he really thought about it, but at least that way I could deny it when he asked me about it. Or maybe it would just stay an unspoken topic between us that didn't need any further explanation. I'd rather have the latter.
Anyway, my mom came home a bit later, and saw Simon there...and this is where I SERIOUSLY need to lay down some ground rules for 'boy who knows I'm gay'/parent conversation!!! My mom is like, "Simon, I haven't seen you around in a while, how ARE you?"
And he says, "I'm great, Mrs. Chase. Thanks. Just came to hang out for a while."
So SHE says, "I never got a chance to thank you for helping Billy with his studies. He got an amazing grade on his test." And he kinda shrugged off the compliment. But THEN..."So what are you guys up to today?"
And SIMON, damn him, actually said, "We were discussing Billy's taste in boys. Which needs some serious work, if you ask me!" WHAT?!?!?!?! What the...where the FUCK did THAT come from??? What the FUCK is he DOING???
My eyes widened, and I kicked him as hard as I could in the leg to shut him the fuck up! But Simon, having a low threshold for pain, screamed out and nearly collapsed to the floor. My mom was appalled. "Billy...my goodness! What are you doing?"
I totally didn't expect Simon to get so...hurt. But I managed to say, "I'm sorry, just a stupid game we were playing earlier. That's all. Just talking about...you know...what boys we could beat up if we had to...and...yeah." I knelt down to try to get Simon off of the floor and drag him back into my room for instant 'reprogramming'! "It's no biggie, Mom. We'll play nice." And I started pulling him towards my room again. Once I closed the door, I whispered, "What the fuck are you DOING???"
He said, "What the hell did you KICK me for?"
But I was like, "Shhhhh!!!! She'll HEAR you!" And then he gave me this weird look while he limped over to my bed and started rubbing his sore leg. I was like, "Aww, man...ugh....why did you SAY that? Now she's gonna think...FUCK!" I started pacing back and forth a bit, trying to come up with excuses as to why he would say I had a taste in BOYS! He said taste in BOYS!!! Jesus!
Then Simon asked me, "What's the big deal?"
I said, "Now she's gonna think I'm GAY! THAT'S the big deal!"
And Simon said, "But...um...you are gay. Right?"
Does he NOT see a problem with this??? I lowered my voice even more, and said, "Well...YEAH, but SHE doesn't know that!"
I was surprised that he didn't expect that. He said, "She doesn't KNOW? Really?"
And I'm like, "FUCK NO!!! I can't tell her something like that! And you'd better not EVER fucking mention it again either!"
He immediately told me, "Oh man...shit, I'm sorry. I just...I automatically assumed that she knew. I mean...you told ME..."
I was like, "That was different!"
And he's all, "But you have a boyfriend. How can you...like...'hide' that?"
I said, "Well, for ONE thing, I don't have friends shooting their mouth off about it in front of my fucking *MOM*! That kinda helps!"
Simon, at first, was just saying, "Sorry, sorry, sorry...shit, you should have TOLD me! I'm sorry, dude!" But then, he saw me freaking out, and he started to laugh at me! LAUGH!!! And he's like, "Dude...hehehe, the look on your FACE, hahaha! I'm sorry, but...but...hahaha!" He was literally cracking up at my expense, and I swear, if he wasn't so cute about it, I wouldn't have started laughing myself. So...I GUESS everything turned out alright, and my mom didn't ask me about tonight. So, maybe it just came off like some strange offbeat comment to her that wasn't supposed to make much sense. At least, that's what I'm hoping for. As long as she doesn't start mulling it over and putting a collection of evidence against me the way Simon did...I should be ok. Besides, she's got her own shit to deal with at the moment. Why bother with something so...'not about her', right? GOD I hope she didn't hear that!
So, yeah, me and Simon set up some ground rules concerning him and ever...EVER...speaking about my 'gayness' around anybody else! He asked if it was ok to even talk about it around Brandon, but I didn't even want him doing that much just yet. Maybe someday soon, but not yet. When he left, I was joking around like, "I'm so mad at you."
And he says, "No you're not. You think I'm hot. So you better be nice to me, or I'll never let you touch me in inappropriate ways." Which made us both laugh at the time, but when I think about it....mmmmm
Hehehe, ok, ok, I'll stop! As though I don't ALREADY have one boy toy too many as it is!
Which reminds me...you know, I thought that my big romp with Bobby yesterday would make things really awkward and weird for me today. But it didn't. Not at all. I had no problem smiling in Brandon's face today, and having lunch with him so that we could make plans to get together tomorrow for more hot sex. He's REALLY anxious for us to be together again. I mean, it's like he's just ITCHING to do me again! Hehehe, and that's cool! I can handle that!
Ok, so...yeah, there's a small part of me that's still kinda guilty about lying to him and sleeping with another guy behind his back. But..I've got TWO hot boys that wanna sleep with me! And they just...totally worship me! Dude, I mean...a couple of months ago, I NEVER thought that I would ever be in this position! What am I gonna do? Just look the greatest gift horse EVER in the mouth and say no? That's STUPID! No way! I love Brandon, and he loves me back! And Bobby gives me the most explosive, most mindblowing, sex that I could ever HOPE for! Hell, if only I could Lee to let me suck him off every once in a while, and maybe a hand job for Simon, and I'd be the happiest gay teen on the planet! So...I'm just enjoying this right now. You can hate me, you can spit in my face, but...shit...this is awesome!
Besides, it's not like it's forever. I'm gonna stop. Another few times with Bobby, and we'll be able to just break it off clan. Hell...he might find himself a boyfriend before I even get the chance to tell him I have to stop. Any boy would be LUCKY to have Bobby Jinette to fuck and suck on a regular basis. And by then, Brandon and I will have a place of our own to be alone...and everything will work out great. What could possibly go wrong. As long as they don't know, and I don't tell them, then I'm fine. So...yeah. It's party time.
I've gotta go. I wanna get to bed so I can wake up extra early and get my body all clean and sweet for Brandon tomorrow! This is going to be SO fucking cool! I'll see ya soon! I'll be sure to tell ya what happened!