Is he still walking behind me?
Omigod...he's actually still walking behind me! Ricky Sweeten is following me over to my HOUSE!!! I don't even know if my room is clean! Oh PLEASE let my room be clean! I'll distract him by having him sit in the living room for a bit while I go back to check and see if my bed is made up and I don't have, like...underwear and dirty socks on the floor or something. I can't let him see me living in filth. Ugh! No warning! Shit!
I can't believe that I'm doing this right now. How long have I been gone? How long has my mom been gone? I don't want her to come home. Not yet. Not NOW!
I reached into my pocket for my house keys, and immediately felt my erection jumping to attention. Fuck! No no no no no! False alarm! Abort! Go back down! Jesus, my penis has such a sensitive hair trigger these days. Something as simple as a set of dimples and me reaching my hand into my own pocket is, like...an emergency call to action. I really need to get a better handle on that.
My hands were trembling slightly as I searched for the lock on the door, and I finally opened it up, stepping inside and letting the graceful presence of Ricky's captivating beauty enter my official living space. I don't know why, but I started giggling out loud to myself. Just...I don't know...having him here made me happy. Too happy to hold it inside. I had to relieve the pressure in my infatuated heart somehow, right? "Well, this is it..." I said. "This is home."
Ricky stepped down on his heels to kick off his shoes and leave them by the front door. Awwww, that's so considerate and cute of him. Wow, his socks are really white. And his feet have, like...perfect arches in them. He wiggled his toes a little bit, and I felt like I was getting even weaker in the middle than I was before.
Alright, Jamie...straighten up. Let's not get too GOOFY over this. At least not until he leaves and I get a chance to call Silas and tell him about all the hot stuff he missed. Oh man, he's going to be SO jealous! Hahaha!
I made sure to stop him in the living room and offer him a seat on the sofa. I turned the TV on and let it play as a distraction for a few minutes. "I'll be right back, k?" I said, and he nodded, taking a seat. Oh wow...Ricky Sweeten's sexy butt is touching my sofa cushions! When he leaves, I'm going to put that cushion over my face and inhale deeply while I try to get a sense of what it would be like to indulge in the ultimate gay boy fantasy! Hehehe, but more on that later.
Right now...I've got to make sure my bedroom is clean.
I rushed in, and saw a few clothes on the floor, as well as a bit of a mess on my desk next to my laptop. I had to do a quick, panicked, scan of the whole area...and then I dove right in and started snatching stuff up as quickly as I could. My clothes hamper was only half full, so I just shoved everything in there...including the books and papers that were strewn all over my desk. My bed wasn't made. I just sort of pulled the covers up, and they looked all wrinkled and disheveled, my pillows were all over the place. So I rushed to get that whole situation straightened out too. Pillows fluffed and put in order, blankets smoothed out...ok, so far so good. What else do I need to do? I'll plug in an air freshener! Yeah, that should be cool, right? Nothing too flowery, just...
I, suddenly, heard a light knock on my door, and Ricky peeked his head inside. "Hey..."
I gasped, now realizing that I was out of time when it came to making a first impression. "Ummm...hey..." I replied.
"Sorry. You were gone for a bit. I just wanted to make sure that everything was ok." He said.
"Sure. Everything's great. Really great." I smiled awkwardly.
Ricky opened the door a bit more, and I was silently praying to the stars above that I hadn't left anything embarrassing out in the open for him to see. Maybe Lady Luck will be on my side for once. "Oh man...are those real?" He asked.
He was looking at my bedroom walls, and I looked back over my shoulder to see my collection of comic books pinned up and on display. "The comics? Oh...yeah. I mean, I'm not big into posters and stuff, but I had to decorate my walls with something, you know?" I felt myself starting to blush, hoping that he wouldn't think that I was too much of a geek for having comic books plastered all over my walls. Thankfully, that wasn't the case.
Ricky smiled just enough for his dimples to collapse into his cute FACE again! Ahhhh! He's almost too adorable to stare at directly without passing out!
"Wow...actual, like...physical comic books. That's so retro. I like it." He said, walking further into my room to examine my walls a bit more. "Equal parts Marvel and DC...some Image comics too. Nice." He said. "Did you buy all of these?"
Still reveling in the idea of Ricky being impressed by anything having to do with me as a person, I struggled to keep talking to him as though he was an average person. "Me? No. Ummm...my dad was a big comic book fan when he was growing up. He kept them in the basement in a bunch of boxes, and once I was old enough to grasp the concept of the stories and the characters and stuff...he told me that I could have them. He even told me where to start and what his favorite storylines were. So..."
Ricky looked back at me, and his smile widened. God, he's so pretty! He's like...having a unicorn in your house.
"Way cool." He said, and I sighed so hard that my voice actually released a tiny whimper from the pressure. I immediately cleared my throat to cover it up and keep from having him noticing, though. Don't worry, I caught it in time.
"I guess you've got, like...better stuff on your walls at home, huh?" I said. I felt a little insecure about my personal tastes sometimes, but...I can't really help it.
"Better stuff? Nah, not really. I don't have much on my walls at all. Ever since we moved in, they've been pretty much a blank canvas. I'm not even sure that I know what to put up there." He said. "But, if I had actual, real life, comic books like these, they'd be at the top of my list of cool decorations."
"Really? You think so?" I asked.
"Sure! Dude, this is crazy. I'm impressed." He said, and I felt myself swoon to the point of having to hold on to my dresser for support. He likes my comics! Omigod, he's so amazing!
How am I going to ever keep myself from falling head over heels in love with him if he keeps being this amazing?
"I just...I figured you would probably have your walls covered in, like...sports posters and...I don't know...Selena Gomez or Zendaya or something." I snickered.
"Nah. I'm not really big on the celebrity fanboy thing. Besides, it would be hard to sleep with a wall full of hot girls staring at me all night." He giggled, but the term 'hot girls' kind of reminded me of how pointless my growing infatuation with Ricky really was. It was a bit of a sucker punch to my golden moment, but it's not like I was in denial about my chances here. I should have expected it. I had almost forgotten to restrain myself.
"Yeah. I guess I can see that." I said, quietly. Hiding my inner 'pout'.
"It's not that I don't like sports. I do. Just, don't really need to put any of my idols on my wall." He shrugged. "I played on the baseball team at my last school..."
"Yeah. I heard about that." I said.
"Hehehe, you did?"
Oops! God, I'm such a passive stalker. "I...well, I mean..." Just stop trying to look cool, Jamie. You ruined that a long time ago. "...People talk. That's all."
"Ah, I see." He said, turning his attention back to my comic book covered walls. "I might try out for the team at your school too. I've got some free weights and stuff in my attic. I might try to get in shape over the next few weeks so I have a decent chance on making the cut."
Was he serious? "Hehehe, trust me, Ricky...you'll make the cut the second you step into the gym to sign up."
"The team's that bad, huh?" He smirked.
"I don't know what you've heard, but...we're probably worse. Trust me."
I glanced down at his butt again, but my eyes shot back up as soon as he turned around to look me in the eye. "You know, if you ever want to come over and work out with me or anything, you're more than welcome. I don't have a lot of big weights, or anything. I'm not looking to get all bulky and thick, but I've got some great stuff for muscle definition and all that."
I looked down at the carpet, trying to hold in a grin. "I don't know. I highly doubt that any level of me lifting weights will ever get the girls to scream for me the same way that they do for you. But thanks."
"Hehehe, scream for you?"
"Yeah. I'm pretty sure that you can tell...I'm not much of a chick magnet."
Ricky gave me a sideways look, and he said, "But...wait...you're gay right?"
Was I displaying the kind of sudden shock and horror on my face that I felt in my heart when he asked me that? What the...omigod! I'm feeling SO humiliated right now! "I...I mean, like...I'm just...sorta..." I began to fidget and tremble uncontrollably at the startling realization that the one boy on the whole planet that I might NOT want to know about my sexuality before telling him myself had been secretly given spoilers before I even got the chance! Arrrrgh! "I'm...you know..." I stuttered.
Ricky's eyes widened, and he quickly responded, "Oh, wow, I'm sorry. Was that insensitive? I didn't mean to just blurt it out like that. I swear, I wasn't trying to be rude."
I immediately let him off the hook, even as I was turning several different shades of purple in the face. "Nah. It's ok."
"Honestly. I didn't mean anything by it, ok?" He said.
"It's ok. Totally." I told him, now trembling nervously over the pressure to maybe...I don't know...'explain' myself? "I guess somebody told you about me, then?"
Ricky gave me a little smirk. "Well, like you said...people talk. Heh..."
"They talk a bit too much, if you ask me." It's getting harder and harder to look him in the eye now. But he did attempt to put me at ease.
"It's totally cool, you know?" He said. "It doesn't bother me in the least. Does it bother you?"
"Well, I can't do anything to change it. So it would suck if it did." I said, working up enough of a smile to peek up into those brown eyes again and try to keep myself from getting sucked into the fantasy all over again. The pull was soooo strong sometimes. "It's just...sometimes, I just wish it wasn't an issue at all."
"You think it's an issue?" He asked. "I don't."
"Yeah, but...it's different, you know? I feel like I have to 'come out' to people over and over and over again. It just gets tiresome. It's not like being gay is all I think about all the time. But, apparently...everybody else does. So I've got to keep putting on the same one man show for every last one of them. It can be frustrating." Then I looked up at Ricky's pretty face again and realized that I was probably whining. "Sorry. No offense. I didn't mean that you were frustrating, I'm just...rambling."
"It's alright. I get it."
"I mean, it would be weird if you had to tell everybody you met for the first time, 'Oh, by the way, I like girls', wouldn't it?" In the back of my mind, I was kind of hoping that he'd say something like, I don't know...'I'm not into girls'. But I wasn't that lucky.
Instead, he answered, "Yeah. I imagine that would be kind of awkward. Especially if you had to do it a hundred times or more." Shit. Ah well...he's still hot as fuck! Straight or not. "Say, would you mind if I took some of these comics out of the bag and looked at 'em?"
"Oh! Sure. Go ahead. They're far from being in mint condition or anything. Have at it." I said, and he took the pushpins out of the plastic of a few select issues, and then he walked over to carry them to my bed where he sat down and laid them next to his leg. I don't know why my heart got such an intense rush out of that, but it did. Now his cute and sexy ass is being smashed down on my BED! Oh God, that's even hotter than the sofa cushion thing!
My eyes roamed freely all over him when his back was turned to me, but I was scared stiff when he was able to actually look back at me. I, cautiously, took a seat next to him, and I instantly felt the crushing pressure of being within touching distance. Ugh...this is such a weird feeling. I'm so giddy and happy, but defensive and withdrawn at the same time. I wasn't quite sure what to do, so I attempted to just go back to a much more casual, less personal, conversation. I figured that I could keep my emotions at bay if our 'easy to talk to' banter remained at arm's length.
It was difficult to figure out if it was working or not.
He's soooooo beautiful...
"What's with this one? There's two Captain Americas?" He asked, catching me off guard while I was getting lost in my faux, wet dream, reality.
"Huh? Two...?" I looked at the comic book in his hand. "Oh. No...this one is Captain America. The other one is the U.S. Agent."
"What's the difference?"
"The U.S. Agent, is like...totally insane. He's...yeah, unstable as hell." I started to explain, but Ricky scooted closer to me, opening the book and leaning over until I could practically smell the boyish fragrance of his studly essence right next to me. My breath got short, and I found it hard to speak. "He's...ummm...well, this is issue number 350, and...and I guess they set up this big battle...for ummm..." My chest started to heave, and I felt a little light headed. Ricky Sweeten isn't supposed to be this close to me. Why can't I stop shaking like this? This doesn't even make any SENSE! STOP IT!!!
"Are you ok?" He asked.
"I'll be right back." I said, and I shot up from my seated position to hurry downstairs and find some oxygen that hadn't been shared with the most beautiful boy ever.
I'm messing this up, aren't I? I've got to be. I can't even remember the last time I was so paranoid and insecure about everything I did and every word I said out loud. I wish I could dettach myself from his beauty. I wish I didn't feel like this. It hurts to love him like I do. It hurts NOT to love him...like I wish I could. What the hell am I supposed to do?
I tried to straighten myself up, I teased my hair some more, and I found the courage to go back up to my bedroom. Where he was surely waiting for me.
When I walked back in, he was reading through some of the other comic books, being very careful as he turned the pages. It was almost like he was afraid to rip them or something. Hehehe, he's such a cutie pie. Sorry, I can't help but notice. I'll stop now.
This time, I made sure to pull out the chair from my desk and sit in it, instead of braving the small area at the foot of my bed right next to him. This felt better. A bit less stressful, you know?
But...after about five minutes of us just talking...just as I was getting comfortable being around him again...Ricky said something that caused me to tighten up all over again.
"Hey, Jamie? If I asked you a question...like, a personal question...you wouldn't take offense to it or anything, right?"
What the...? What does that mean? What's he talking about? What is...like...what does that mean???
Feeling my chest tremble, and my stomach wiggle with anticipation, I said, "I don't...think I would. No. What, like...what is it?"
Ricky bit his bottom lip for a second, blushing slightly as he put the comic book down beside him on the bed. Then he asked me, "You like boys, right?"
"I was just kinda wondering, I mean...what is that like? Being with another guy?"
At a loss for words, I sort of stumbled over the random thoughts of a cohesive answer. "Ummm, you'd probably think it was gross, so..."
"No. Seriously. I want to know." He said, scooting forward to show some interest in my answer. "I take it that you and your friend, Silas, are like...? Well, I mean, are you two...?"
Catching on, I gasped. "NO!!!" Then I giggled a bit. "No way. Silas and I are just really good friends. We're buds, you know?"
Ricky smiled. "Buds with 'benefits'?"
I told him, "Not unless you count a few coupons for free ice cream sundaes as a legit benefit. Outside of that, no. Nothing naughtier than a few dirty conversations. Promise."
He seemed surprised by that. "Wow. Ok. I just assumed that you two were, like...together or something." Then he waited for a brief moment, and asked, "So, what about other boys? Is it like...? Well, I don't know how to say it. Just wondering what it's like."
Blushing deeply, I looked down at my shoes, swiveling back and forth in my chair a few times while trying not to seem too timid with my answer. "Well...to be honest...I wouldn't really know."
"Seriously?" He asked. It was almost as if he was surprised.
"Yeah. I mean, I fooled around a couple of times. One or two sleepovers...maybe a camping trip or two. I hit a few 'doubles' in my day, but never got close to crossing 'home plate'." I said.
"Ah, ok." Ricky said. "You're really cute. I'd never think you would have made it this far without...you know..." Then he giggled in the cutest way. "...Nevermind..."
A sensual tremor rippled through me and I had to fight to sit still. He said I was cute! He actually said it out loud! And I didn't have it on camera! DAMMIT!!!
"I almost made it to third base once with this boy, Lucas, once. Hehehe, we were in his uncle's garage, and things got pretty heavy for a while. We were super horny that day, and we were sort of stalling over which one of us was going to get naked first. I was, totally, ready to go first too! Hehehe! Lucas was really cute. But his uncle came home earlier than expected and kind of ruined everything. So, unfortunately, it never happened."
Ricky asked, "You never went back to try again?"
"I thought about it. But sometimes you just lose the spontaneity of the moment, you know? It's really hard to recreate it once it's gone. Especially when you're only 13 and have a hard time finding a place to be alone."
"Aw, man. That sucks." Ricky said, and I giggled again. I couldn't believe that I had just told him that. He really IS easy to talk to! This is so weird. "Maybe next time."
"Well, not with Lucas. But maybe with somebody else. I'm counting on it." I said.
Ricky nodded with a suspicious grin, and then there was another brief pause between us. One that I had to fill with some kind of 'noise' before it became uncomfortable.
"So, like...what about...you know? Girls?"
"Yeah. I mean, what's that like?"
Ricky said, "It's cool. I really like the kissing part. I think that's my favorite...just making out with somebody. It's nice." I won't pretend that I wasn't instantly jealous of the fact that some random girl got to kiss those soft, sweet, lips of his, when I couldn't even get close enough to even steal a smooch or two from him. Still, I pretended to want to hear more. Ugh, my heart! I TOLD it not to get all wrapped up in him! It's my own fault for being stupid. "Well, I'm not a 'pro' or anything, but I did make it to third base once or twice. I guess I got lucky."
"Heh...I'm sure you did." I said.
"Not 'lucky'! Hehehe, not all the way or anything. But close though."
"And...?" I asked. "Was it everything you dreamed it would be so far?"
"It was cool." Ricky said, without much enthusiasm.
"Just...cool?" I grinned.
"What? I liked it. It was just...really sweet. Comfortable, you know?"
I snickered out loud. "You are really bad at selling me on the awe and wonder of the heterosexual experience. You know that, right?"
"Hahaha! Am I? I didn't know that I had much to do in the way of sales."
"You do for me. Girls aren't my thing. I was expecting you to convince me that they might be worth a second look." I teased.
"Sorry. I didn't know I was pimping off a whole gender to someone who wasn't supposed to be interested." He giggled. "Girls are awesome. They are. As far as I know, anyway."
"So, you have a girlfriend then?" I asked.
He shook his head. "No. Not for a while now. We broke up. I don't miss her though. She was kinda clingy. Plus, I think she was more interested in showing me off to her friends than she was in anything else. I just felt 'used' after a while."
"Yeah, but you were getting some good kissing time in right? That's gotta be awesome. Her being a legitimate 'girl' and all." I grinned. "That's a good selling point right there, right?"
"I guess so." Ricky replied. "I can't say that I have anything to compare it to yet."
Without thinking, still pretty much in my teasing mode, I said, "Yet? Hehehe!"
Ricky suddenly stopped talking.
A comment that I meant to be playfully glib had, apparently, given my words a bit more impact than I had expected.
Ricky's smile faded a little bit. Not that he looked sad or angry or anything, but there was a definite dimming of his youthful aura as he bashfully looked away from me. I saw him reach for the comic book next to him and open it up again. He did flash me a smile, but it was far less genuine than the one that he had before. It was as if the air in the room had changed somehow.
What did I do? What did I say?
It's amazing how CLUMSY a perfectly natural interaction between two people can get in the span of just a few seconds.
Worried that I might have offended Ricky or made him uncomfortable, I started to apologize. "Hey...if I said something that sounded strange or out of place..."
"Say, do you mind if I use your bathroom?" He said, interrupting me.
"Oh yeah. It's cool. It's down the hall, first door on the right." I said.
"Awesome. Thanks." Ricky put the comic book down and walked out of the room, leaving me completely lost as to what just happened here.
Ugh! The cutest boys are always the most confusing!