I could hear the sound of my heartbeat thumping wildly about in my ears. I could feel my pulse racing at light speed. Was it hot in here? I feel hot. Really hot.
There was a romantic part of me that was wondering if this was a day that I should be remembering for the rest of my life. If this one magical moment was but the first in a series of falling dominoes...all leading to the true boy of my dreams. The love of a lifetime.
I nervously showed Austin one of the glass counters and some of the accessories inside. He grinned happily and seemed to really love checking out this Halloween stuff with me. You have no idea how good it made me feel to see him take such an interest. The fact that his bright blue eyes kept sweeping up to meet my own every time I looked at his face was the only thing that kept me from visibly swooning into a full blown faint in front of him. I had never been so captivated,so spellbound, by another boy this quickly before. He just...he seemed so complete to me. Sweet and sexy and caring to a fault of himself. Maybe his intimidating looks were just blinding me from anything and everything that I could possibly find wrong with him, but....it was just soooooo hard to look past it.
I directed him to a set of vampire teeth in the hopes of getting that aqua blue spotlight off of me before I got hard enough to break cinder blocks with my penis. "Here. These fangs look expensive, but actually it's only the adhesive that costs all the money. You can buy the teeth separate, and get a cheaper adhesive at the counter. They look pretty real when you put them in. Much better than the plastic ones do. So...." I trailed off, desperately hoping that he'd like my idea.
"Cool. So what do you do? You just put one on each tooth. Like here and here?" He said, his fingers lightly touching the outer corners of his lips. Sighhh...I wanna touch his lips too. Just think....he gets to touch them all day long. Any time he feels like it. Without me there to watch.
"Yeah...." I said, still gazing at him with my lips slightly parted. I was stuck for words at first, and then shook myself back into reality. "...And you can get some trick candy over there by the register, that dyes your whole mouth the color of the gumball or whatever. So...if you get all red ones...it kinda looks like blood...and....you know...."
"Ooh! That's a cool idea. Thanks!" He said.
"Anytime." I was so hopelessly lost in my own infatuated haze. But decided to 'straighten' that comment up a little. Just in case it sounded too much like I was hitting on him. "I mean, it's no problem. I've been Mr. Budget Halloween for three or four years in a row now."
"Yeah, well you know your shit. Thanks, Donnie. Say...maybe I'll see you at the party?"
"Sure. Maybe.” I smiled so wide that my cheeks hurt. “I'll definitely be there."
"K. Well, cool. I guess I'll see you later then." Austin walked away, and I balled my fists up at my sides, trying hard not to dance right there in the middle of the damn store. He's going to see me there? Did you hear it? I heard it! He's going to be there. He's going to LOOK for me. And then...we're going to see each other. At a party. You know....together.
I sighed wistfully to myself and attempted to dull the wattage of my sunlight bright smile....but as soon as I turned around, I saw all three of my best friends standing there against the wall, a safe distance away, shaking their heads at me for being so blatantly obvious about my instantaneous crush.
With a mellow blush, I walked over to them and was hoping that they didn't tease me too badly about it.
No such luck. As soon as I got there, April took my picture to remember the awkward moment. Then she turned to the others and said, "Well gentlemen, seeing as I've just been dumped by my date for the party, it looks like I'm going with one of you instead." She smiled. "What do you say? Jeff? Bax?"
Baxter told her, "Only if you're planning to put out at the end of the night."
"Jeff it is, then." April moved to take Jeff by the arm and lead him back towards the racks. "Now...what costume would appropriately compliment a princess?" Looks like Jeff was stuck. And....it also looks like I'm going to get to talk to Austin again. SOON! I'm going to have to if he's looking for me at this party! Shit! I need something to say! Arrrgh! I need something to WEAR!!! Now!
We did take inventory of some of the leftovers available to us in the store that afternoon, but none of us bought anything. At least not yet. I think I was more concerned with making sure that Austin got some of my vampire costume ideas so I could find a way to wear something that might complement it. The problem is...I wasn't quite sure what that compliment idea would be.
I have to admit, I can't really say that I've ever really pursued a boy before. I had this idea in my head that I'd just come out of the closet, and somehow the cuties would come running. Quite the contrary. I think I suddenly lost contact with more boys than ever before. Seems the only thing worse than being gay is being straight but having people think you're gay anyway. All due to the 'company' you keep. Lucky for me, Baxter doesn't much care. Not that anyone would ever mistake him for being gay, even for a second. There are very few breasts that pass him on the street without getting a few mental gropes from him. Figures.
But seeing as this may be my first time out trying to get in on some action...I couldn't help but to grin to myself at the high expectations and infinite possibilities. I wonder what I'm going to say to him. I wonder what he's going to say back to me. And long do I have to settle for idle chit chat before I take the plunge and smash my lips against his while tackling him to the ground. God DAMN, I want that boy so bad it makes my stomach ache!
Later on that night, getting ready for bed and turning off the light, I felt myself getting excited all over again. But for an entirely different reason this time. I didn't even know if I'd be able to fall asleep at that point. After talking to Austin in the shop, and the experience I had with my dreamweaving exercises last night, I couldn't get my heart to calm down. Thank goodness for natural fatigue, or I never would have gotten my eyes to close for much longer than a blink or two.
A slow but steady drift. A loss of focus, interrupted by a spontaneous yawn, and then quickly lost again. I felt myself sink into the mattress, the sheets wrapping me in their soothing embrace. It's so easy to fall.
So very easy to fall.
It wasn't all that hard at all to wake myself up inside the dream this time around. In fact, it was easier than ever. With just a few simple thoughts and a shift in my attention, I found myself slowly walking barefoot on my own front lawn. However, for some reason...instead of having houses on the other side of the street from me, there was a dock. A dock and a giant lake that stretched out as far as I could see into the background before being obscured by the strange fog that surrounded the neighborhood.
That was certainly....'different'.
I began walking around, seeing what I could see. Trying to find all the things that appeared warped or out of place. The clouds were all rainbow colored from the looks of it, and the concrete sidewalks all over the block looked twisted and misshapen again. Rising and falling like small sand dunes. It was the same area that I had been in before, but everything was all different. Topsy turvy. I remember Chucky telling me once that my 'dream scenery' was liable to change depending on what kind of day I had, and how my mind interpreted it. But I didn't expect the difference to be quite this extreme. And what kind of day did I have to would put a big freakin' lake across the street from my house?
I swear, if I so much as HEAR Jeff's grandmother splish splashing in a bathtub, I'm clawing my eyes out until I wake up safe in bed again!
"Well, well, well, Mr. James. Tardy as usual." Came a voice from behind me. I turned around and saw my teacher, Mr. Lipton, sitting at his desk and grading papers in the middle of the street. "So happy you decided to be present today." I heard his voice slow down into a deep growl, as though his batteries had run out or something. Then his words reversed themselves as he said the same few sentences backwards. And then..."Sohappy you decided to be present today." Then it reversed again. And then...."So happy you decided to be present today."
"Stop it." I said, already annoyed. But he just kept repeating himself. Rewind. Repeat. Rewind. Repeat. "SHUT UP!!!" I shouted, and it finally stopped. Looking closely at his dream form, I noticed that his tie was much too long, hanging all the way down to his knees. His fingernails looked like claws, and his teeth were sharp. His eyes glanced up with me, giving me that same snobbish glare that I had grown so accostumed to seeing on an almost daily basis. I could feel the frustration burning inside of me, just from having to see his smug little rat face at all. I have to deal with him in school. The least he could do is leave me alone when I'm sleeping.
"You have to be more than < i>present to pass my class, Mr. James." He said, standing up from his desk and walking around it. "There are no free rides here. No free rides here. None. No free rides..."
To hell with this. I thought about the ground beneath his feet, and he immediately began to sink into it like a large puddle of quicksand. At first, he just crossed his arms and gave me a scowl. "Not 'creative' enough for ya?" I asked, and smiled as I caused the quicksand to heat up to a steady boil. At this point, he suddenly started to scream and flail his arms around like crazy. Something that I took great pleasure in seeing in person. Then, instead of quicksand, I turned half the street into lava, his desk plunging into the molten mess behind him and splashing the liquid rock over the back of his head and shoulders. He shrieked in terror! Howled in agony! And I just sat back and watched him burn. Hahaha! I think I like this game!
"Does it hurt? Do you need help, Mr. Lipton?" I walked over to the edge of the pit, and kicked a big splash of lava into his face...melting the flesh right off of his skull and watching him shout and twitch from the pain of my chosen torture. What do you know? Chucky was right...I can be a total psycho sometimes.
"Hehehehe..." I heard a giggle coming from over my right shoulder. A light and boyish giggle. One that wasn't my own. And I quickly spun around to see who it was.
Was I doing this? What's happening here?
Standing before me was a boy about my age. Maybe a year or two younger, but his eyes were so big and pure that he might have just had one of those late-bloomer baby faces. They were shining a bright shade of emerald green, and he had medium length blond hair curtaining the sides of his face, hanging just down to his cheekbones. He was extremely cute in the most exotic way. It was almost an unnatural beauty, one that went beyond your average teen heart throb good looks. Something more fitted to a magazine or a teen soap TV show. He was wearing a backwards cap, blue jeans, and a glaring white t-shirt. And a baseball glove. The baseball glove.
It took me a moment to regain my focus. "Hello?" I said to him.
The boy stopped laughing instantly. He looked up at my eyes and he seemed almost frightened by my very acknowledgment of him. I looked at him quizically for a moment as he wrinkled up his forehead and began to check me out. As if he thought that *I* was the one out of place here.
The boy slowly waved his hand in front of my face a few times, and I followed his movements with my eyes. "Hello...?" He said softly.
"Hi." I answered. Startled, he moved a step or two back from me.
"You can see me?" He asked.
"You can hear me?" He was so surprised.
"Hehehe! Of course I can." I replied. He stayed silent for a moment longer, while his mind tried to process this. And suddenly, with a sad pout appearing on his face as though I was trying to trick him, he lowered his head and simply faded away. Like a cloud of dissipating smoke. "Well...wait! Hello? Where'd you go? Don't leave." Gently, the boy's ghostly form reappeared behind me. Still puzzled as to how I even knew he was there and watching in he first place. He looked at me sideways for a second. It was the kind of look a hungry squirrel would give a stranger in the park when offered food. "What's your name?" I asked.
"Caleb..." He was really thin with a light voice that hadn't quite found a permanent pitch yet. A bit on the waifish side, but his slim shoulders and tight waist gave him a slightly erotic shape. And he had these sweet, rose colored, lips that thickened ever so slightly in the middle. He was maybe 2 or 3 inches taller than me, but looked like he weighed a bit less. And he had a slightly feminine way about him, that in such subtle doses gave his every movement a sensual quality that I found rather attractive. "What's yours?" He asked, still cautiously keeping his distance from me. “Your name, I mean.”
"Donnie." I told him. He paused. I couldn't understand why he seemed so freaked out by me. But I noticed that he kept doing little things to make sure that I wasn't just some figment of his imagination. Every now and then, his dream body seemed to go out of focus and become fuzzy, then snap back into place. Like the buzz of an old TV on the fritz. Nothing else in the dream was affected, just him. I didn't know what else to say to him. What do you talk about with a character in a dream, anyway? So I turned back towards the center of the street to see Mr. Lipton scorched collection of bones still wailing and spinning about in his lava pit...and I asked this 'Caleb' boy..."Do you wanna help me torture my teacher some more?"
It was then that I finally saw Caleb smile again, and he giggled sweetly at the idea. "I think he's pretty much dead already."
"I can always bring him back to life. Or I could just make a new one. We'll have a contest. Who can come up with the best way to make him scream." I smiled in his direction, and he loosened up a lot more once he stopped being so suspicious of my intentions.
For what literally felt like days and days...Caleb and I just walked back and forth up and down that twisted street, talking and joking and generally having a great time together. We'd go as far as we could in one direction, get to the edge of the fog where we couldn't see any further ahead of us, and then turn around and walk back again. I kept looking over at Caleb's smile, and wondered how I could even come up with someone like this. Cute and sweet, funny and talkative. What part of my mind was making this happen? It had to have been my conversation with Austin earlier that started all this. It just had to be, at least in some strangely indirect way. But as I listened to him speak...his whole presence just felt so foreign to me. Like...how was my brain keeping this boy so vivid and original from everything that I had ever dreamed of before? How?
At one point, he was actually telling me about an old vampire movie that he claimed to be one of his favorites. He went into such details. Storyline and characters and plot twists...he could even quote some of the lines from the movie for me. The thing is...I have never seen that movie before. I'd heard of it, sure. But I never actually sat down and watched it. So...if my mind is creating this entire world, Caleb included, where did all that information even come from?
Well, I technically never saw the movie, so it could all be made up for all I know. But the idea intrigued me.
We talked for what seemed like forever, until, eventually, I found myself worrying about how long it had been since I had started dreaming in the first place. Was I still asleep? For how long? It has really been a long time. Am I in a coma in real life, or what?
I instinctively looked down at my phone to check the time, but that didn't do me any good. I forgot...can't read in a dream. The digits swirled and slid back and forth across the display, and I shook my head as I realized what I was doing.
I stopped for a moment and took an extended look at the dream world around me. The trees seemed to be drooping a bit, the ground was slightly rippling up and down beneath my feet, and the clouds were never in the same place twice when I looked up at them. I couldn't judge by the light of day, because it was never a real day to begin with. The sun never moved. The shadows never changed length. Ugh...how the hell am I supposed to know what time it is in here?
"What's the matter?" Caleb asked, seeing the concentrated stare on my face.
"How long have we been here?" I looked around some more, and I noticed a few small rocks floating off of the street and heading out over the lake. Weird.
”Does it matter?” Caleb answered with a shrug.
"Well, I mean...shouldn't I have woken up by now? It feels like I've been here for an awfully long time."
Caleb just smiled warmly at me. "Hehehe, silly. Time isn't measured the same way in this place." He said.
I was confused. "So...how is it measured?"
He shrugged his slim shoulders again, "I dunno. However you want it to be measured, I guess. It all depends on you." He told me. "One minute can be a minute, or one minute can be an hour. It all depends on how you remember it tomorrow. It could be a whole year if you feel like you wanna spend that much time with me." He grinned bashfully, and it was so cute that it made me grin too. "Prolly not though, huh?"
"Nah, I'm in no hurry. I like being in here with you." I said, and his eyes seemed to glow with untold joy at the mere mention of me sticking around for a while longer.
"I like being in here with you too." He blushed, and believe it or not, I felt myself growing rather attached to this imaginary figure. I just wish he was out there with me in real life too so I could spend more time getting to know him better. I'd have a hardcore crush on him in the first few days for sure.
"So...what happens if I wanna wake up?" I asked.
"Well, you just wake up. Piece of cake." Suddenly, Caleb got the saddest look on his face. And before I could even ask him what was wrong, he said, “Oh. Oh well. I guess I'll see ya later then...” The second he said it, my eyes opened up and I was laying in bed again. It was already morning, and I was surprised that I had actually made it through an entire night of dreaming without waking up once. It was the most consistent and relaxing night of sleep that I could remember having over the past few weeks. In fact, I was almost too sluggish to move when I tried to sit up straight.
My body was humming with this really weird tingling sensation, and I had to do a few quick reality checks to make sure that I wasn't still dreaming. It was almost like my brain had a hard time letting go of the fantasy.
I put my feet on the floor, looking for solid ground...and I looked around my bedroom in complete silence. My mind was stuck on what had happened in the dream, and I was just...amazed. What was that? It wasn't even fading away like my other dreams usually do as soon as I wake up. It stayed with me. More of a long term memory than a waking dream.
Caleb was right. I looked at the clock, and I had only been asleep for seven hours. But...in the dream it felt like it was much much longer. As a matter of fact, it seriously felt like Caleb and I had been friends for weeks now. Even though I never experienced a single sunset or nightfall the entire time we were together. Even though I didn't notice a single day pass us by...my mind seemed to create this extensive history between us that stretched back a hell of a lot longer than the seven hours I spent with him. And what was even more confusing was the fact that I had already become emotionally attached to this incredible person, even though I knew, for a fact, that he wasn't real. He exists only in my head. Someone that I'd probably never even see again. And to be honest...I think Imissed him already.
I had to shake myself out of a lingering daydream and stand up straight to get my senses back n track. That was extremely weird. April was right, I need to free dream a bit more before I end up losing it.
I didn't really make an effort to talk to my friends about it that morning in the car. I joked around a bit and laughed as usual, but for some odd reason, Caleb seemed a bit too personal for me to talk to about. Like...he was meant just for me, you know? I don't know, maybe it makes me sound crazy to be so involved with a dream. If someone else told me something like that, I'd probably laugh at them too. So I pretty much kept my mouth shut about the whole thing. But I did want to find a subtle way to talk to Chucky about it though and see what he says. Chucky never laughs when it comes to one of his 'projects', so hopefully he'll spare me the humiliation of telling me that I need some serious therapy and just give me some helpful clues as to what the heck happened to me last night.
It was a long first two class periods that I suffered through at school that morning. My mind kept being sucked back into memories of the vivid recall I had gotten from talking to Caleb for so long. It was like I could still see his smile. Still feel the shiver I got from the gaze of his pretty green eyes. I could still hear the gentle tone of his comforting voice, and the flutter of his cheerful laugh. He really was...stunning. 'Caleb'. Geez, I had even given my character a name. I scanned my thoughts all morning long, trying to see if there was ever somebody in my life that even remotely resembled the boy I had been dreaming about. He had to come from somewhere, right? He has to be a real person. Somebody who was actually 'here' at some point in my life, and after being long forgotten, just happened to waltz his way into my subconscious last night on a whim. I kept thinking that Austin was the cause for me creating Caleb at all. But then...why didn't I just dream about Austin himself? Or at least give this strange dream boy the same name? I just couldn't seem to make a logical connection between the two. I certainly hope Chucky's got some decent answers for me today. This is driving me nuts.
I was on my way up to the chem lab, when I managed to catch sight of Austin heading my way. No doubt, on his usual trek to his next class. I instantly felt myself freeze up, but worked up a goofy smile and whispered hello to him anyway. "Heya, Donnie." He grinned, and kept walking. Damn he looked so good today. I had to bite my bottom lip, the sexual frustration radiating off of his slender, athletic, body being so near and yet so far...overwhelming me with urges I was too embarrassed to mention. He did smile and return the greeting, but said he was in a hurry, so we didn't get a chance to connect like I wanted to. But as soon as he passed, my naughty thoughts took over and I nearly ran myself right into an open locker while trying to look back and take a peek at his firm little buns. Mmmm....if only I could have just TEN minutes to do whatever I wanted to him. Just ten minutes. I'd make him want to stay with me for good.
Stupid locker. But I saw his booty anyway, so there. To hell with your awkward moment.
Thankfully, when I walked into the chem lab I realized that I had gotten to Chucky first before the others showed up. I needed some privacy to talk to somebody about this openly, and he was the only one who would take me serious. I tried to explain to him in detail what had happened, making sure that I was facing the door so I could see whenever somebody came in and would know when to clam up. I whispered to Chucky and told him everything that I could remember while he nibbled on a small bag of carrot sticks. It was like the whole dream just poured out of me to the point where even Chucky was amazed at how long and detailed my recall was. Then he asked me, "So who was he?"
"That's just it, Chucky. I don't know." I told him.
"You have to know, Donnie. He had to come from somewhere. Maybe he goes to school with us?"
"Nope. I thought about that too. But I've never once seen him in the hallways."
"Maybe somebody you remember from the Boy Scouts or something a few years ago?"
"Nope. None of them either.”
”It was a few years ago, dude. Maybe he was a Boy Scout and you just don't remember.”
I gave Chucky a sarcastic look. “Me...camping out in the middle of the woods with a bunch of cute boys for the weekend and no parents? Trust me...I'd remember.” I said. “Chucky, I'm telling you, I would have remembered this boy for the rest of my life. He was beyond beautiful. He was cool, and funny, and cute...but he doesn't match up with anybody that I've ever known before."
Chucky put down his carrots and opened up his notebook to take down a few notes. "Interesting development...." He saidunder his breath. I walked around the counter he was sitting on to see what he was writing, but he pulled his notebook back from me.
"Hey, Chucky...do you think that...maybe I could have just...'made him up' or something?" I asked.
"I don't think so. Dreams are usually a reflection of what you already know, what you've already seen. All they can do is sort out what your brain has absorbed, rearrange it, and show it back to you. Not to mention that the brain isn't capable of creating faces when you dream. Your description of what he looks like is pretty precise. So this boy, Caleb, must have crossed your path somewhere at some time in your life. Or maybe he's just a cute guy that you saw on TV or something."
"I don't know...maybe.” I said, hoping he would still keep guessing until he told me something that made more sense. “I've had weird dreams before, but this was really different. It was like he was somebody else entirely. I can't see myself being able to create that kind of random personality just off of the top of my head. I don't think I could even do that while I was awake. I'm telling you...this boy was never a part of my subconscious until last night."
"Well how many dreams did you have about him?" Chucky asked.
"Just one. And it lasted forever."
"One? That doesn't sound right. Maybe you had a couple of dreams about him and just naturally linked them all together or something."
"No, it was just one. And it never stopped. It felt like I was trapped in there for weeks. Maybe even longer."
"Ok, you see...that's not how it works. Donnie, the average person only dreams for a total of about two hours a night. You have a different one about every 90 minutes or so." He said. "The book says they start off being about ten minutes long, and get slightly longer as the night goes on and you enter a deeper state of REM sleep. The longest dream lasting about 45 minutes. So you must have had a bunch of little dreams last night and..."
"I'm telling you < i>EXACTLY how it happened, Chucky. It was all one dream, at one time. And I didn't wake up once the entire night. That's the truth."
"It's probably because you were so exhausted, Donnie."
Arrgh! He was trying to rationalize everything out according to that damn book and those recorded research notes of his instead of just listening to me. "I know what I saw. And I feel like it was so real that I can't stop thinking about it. I honestly feel...'attached' to this boy. He's like nobody I've ever met before. And I feel like...like he's somehow latched himself onto me."
"What's this? You're getting real life crushes on your imaginary boyfriends now?" I heard Baxter's grin from the doorway to the classroom, and cursed myself for not keeping a closer eye out. April and Jeff were right behind him, and I'm sure they heard the whole thing..
"Ah shit..." I moaned.
"You know, that is really sick, dude. That's gotta be like...chronic mental masturbation or something." Baxter laughed.
"It's not like that, Bax. It's just...it felt like somebody else was in the dream with me. Somebody else entirely."
"Maybe it was the dream police, coming to arrest you for the repeated molestation of Jesse McCartney and many other crimes against heterosexual pop stars worldwide."
Chucky closed his notebook and told me, "Look, just take a break from the project work plan for a day or two and relax. You're stressing yourself out. Enjoy the weekend, let your subconscious untangle itself a little bit, and you can start looking into it a bit more on Monday. I don't know what else to tell you."
"Yeah, I guess.” I sighed. “Maybe you're right. It just...it was so real, dude. I wish you guys could understand how powerful it wasto just...be there like that." Jeff gave me a slightly concerned look as I grabbed my backpack and got ready to go to my next class...defeated.
"I'll walk with you." Jeff said, and the others split up to go to their classes as well. Jeff asked me, "So spill. What happened to you? With the dream, I mean."
"I met this blond boy, he was really cute, he said his name was Caleb. We talked and hung out for weeks. We really just...got to know each other. And now it's like I can't stop thinking about him"
"You've been dreaming about him for weeks?"
"No. That's just it, I never dreamed about him before in my life."
"But...you just said..."
"I know what I said. And that's what makes it so damn weird. He even told me something like...time isn't measured the same way in a dream as it is in real life. It's...um...it's all in how I remember it the next morning. Or at least I think that's what he said." I looked him in the eye, and I said, “How would I know something like that? I never heard Chucky say anything about dream time before. It's not in any of his books either. Why would I come up with something like that for a dream character to tell me? Or for me to tell him. Or...you know...whatever...” Jeff mulled the concept over for a bit, but I could tell that he was still a bit lost. I asked, "Am I crazy, or what?"
"No. I don't think you're crazy. You're a few sandwiches short of a picnic, but I'd hardly put you in the category of full blown crazy. Not yet, anyway." He smirked.
"You'd be surprised at how much I find that comment comforting right now." I smiled.
"So, that aside..." Jeff asked, "...What's up with you and this 'Austin' guy? Is he taking you to the party, or what?"
"Taking me to the party? Hehehe! What the hell are you talking about? No! Where'd you get that idea? He's just going to see us there." I cringed as Jeff gave me a stare to apply a little peer pressure. "You can save your energy, dude. I'm not doing it.” He continued to stare. “Look at me, Jeff. Read my lips. I am NOT asking Austin to take me to Cory's party."
"Why not??? You guys talked, it was a cool vibe...he's hot as hell, you're...slightly above average...”
”Har dee har...”
”Seriously though, I thought you guys had a good thing going yesterday."
”A good thing going? We talked about Halloween costumes.”
”See? Right there, that shows a shared interest.” Jeff said.
”You can't really gauge a shared interest from that short conversation, considering that we were in a store that doesn't sell ANYTHING other than Halloween costumes!”
”Details. Details. You can work that out on your way to the party together.” He said. Ugh, why do I try?
"Jeff...dude, I don't even know if he's 'like that'. And besides, he was probably just being polite. I did practically stalk him the entire time."
"Did you tell him your name?" Jeff asked me.
"Did you tell him your name yesterday?"
"Of course I told him my name."
"Well...did he remember it today?"
I thought about it for a second. "Yeah, I think so. He said hello to me when I passed him in the hall."
"Bingo! So you're already past the 'unfamiliar face in the crowd' stage and have moved right into recent memory. So now...you ask him if he wants to...?" Jeff silently coaxed me to give him the answer he was looking for.
"...Let me give him a blowjob?" I giggled.
"NO, stupid! You ask him if he wants to come to the party. With us?" He said. I gave him a suspicious look. "With all of us. You know? April and Bax too. That way, you're technically going to the party together...but you're not really on a 'date' yet. You see what I mean? He's just hanging out with some friends on a Saturday night."
"What happens if he's straight and he figures the whole thing out once he catches me staring at his crotch for ten minutes straight?"
"By then he'll be so overwhelmed with your charms and your wit, he'll wanna fuck you anyway. See? It's flawless."
I patted Jeff lightly on the head. "You are definitely the poster boy for wishful thinking, Jeff."
"I like to think of myself as a connoisseur of possibilities."
"Is that French for 'bullshit'?"
"It might be. But it doesn't mean you don't want that blowjob to happen. So you want to be on reality's side or mine?"
”For once, Jeff...I'm with you all the way. Hehehe!” We laughed on our way to class, Jeff easily soothing my need to worry so much, as he always did. I think I needed the distraction. Even if lingering thoughts of Caleb continued to haunt me during every quiet moment that I had to myself.
I attempted to make it through the rest of the school day without letting this surreal obsession get to me too much. It was just a dream. A silly dream. What the heck ass wrong with me? Like I said...I'll probably never even see him again. It was a one time thing, and he's gone now. I need tostop fooling around with my brain before I damage something that can't be fixed.
I've just got to let him go. That's all there is to it. End of story.
Too bad though...Caleb was amazing.
That night, even my parents could tell that something was weighing heavily on my mind. For me to not be overjoyed for the simple fact that it was a Friday night and there was no school tomorrow, was a rare occurrence indeed. But even though I tried to keep my mind off of my chance meeting with Caleb, the emotional impact of it wouldn't go away. In fact, it loitered in the very air around me. As though I could breathe in his boyish scent just by letting the beauty of his playful grin cross my mind. The funny thing is, after all that time I spent talking to him in the dream world, I couldn't really remember a single thing that we talked about. Is that strange?
It was nonstop chit chat between us for days and days worth of dream time, and yet my mind could barely pick out or define most of the actual words spoken. I was just...sure that it happened. We had to have been talking about something, right? Or...or did we?
When I climbed into bed, I was haunted by the memory of his laughter. The glow of his green eyes. The untouched softness of his skin. And once I was inside my own bedroom, the sensation got stronger. Magnified a hundred times over. I half expected to see Caleb materialize right in front of my eyes any second, the way he did in the dream. But, like I said earlier, I was just being silly. I'm supposed to be recording and studying my dreams...not falling in love with them.
I need a break. Yes...tonight, I'm definitely taking a break.