To say that the next twenty minutes or so were ‘awkward' between us would be an understatement.
Not that any of it was Rory's fault. I just...I was being a total punk in all this, and I felt a certain level of shame over having him just gloss over it all and embracing me with understanding and forgiveness anyway. I mean, like...I didn't deserve the second or third chance that he was giving me right now. Not in my mind. He should totally HATE me for what I tried to do to him! For what I said to him!
And the shame only increased as I realized that he wasn't actively searching for any retribution for how I made him feel. Yes, Rory was extremely hot. I mean...he's, literally, one of the hottest boys that I've ever been in direct contact with. The fact that I'm even able to SPEAK to him without drooling all over myself is a miracle in itself! But...all that aside…he's really REALLY sweet! I mean, I can't even imagine what it's like to be so ‘model-boy' gorgeous and have people fall in love with you, left and right...and still want to be appreciated on a level that doesn't involve his heartbreaking good looks.
Am I a part of the problem? Is my obsession and immediate infatuation created by the kind of beauty that he can't ever hope to hide or control? It's not his fault that he's so attractive, he just...ugh! It's really difficult for me to get used to this kind of thing.
"You're awfully quiet..." Rory said. His voice almost sounded a little sad when he said it.
"Am I? Sorry. I guess I don't have a whole lot to say today." I replied, looking down at the ground.
"I shouldn't have turned into a drama queen on you. I'm sorry." He sulked.
"No! Dude...you had every right to say what you said. Every word. I was a total bastard to you..."
"Kevin...come on, I said it's ok. You weren't being a bastard. I never thought that about you." He said. "I wasn't trying to hurt your feelings or anything..."
"I deserve to have my feelings hurt. Trust me." I told him. "I'm really lucky that you didn't just get up and walk away forever. God, I'm so embarrassed..."
"DON'T BE, Kevin! Please?" He begged. "Why are we even still talking about this? Let's just forget about it."
"I'll...I'll try." I said, unconvincingly. "Sorry."
"Hehehe, STOP apologizing already!"
"Right. Sorry..." I said again, getting Rory to lean over and butt me gently with his shoulder.
We took a moment to smile at one another and enjoy the setting sun, darkening the sky slightly as our little ‘day date' was coming to an end. That's Rory lightly took a hold of my hand and flashed me a flirtatious grin.
"Kevin...I think about it too, you know?" He said.
"Think about what?" I asked, and he leaned over to butt my shoulder again, a bashful blush creeping into his cheeks as he tried to hide his boyish smile from me.
"Oh!" I said, a little shocked by the admission. "Wait...you do???"
"Of course, I do. I've got hormones and fantasies just like anybody else." He giggled.
"Like...who do you think about?" I asked, genuinely fascinated.
He seemed confused. "Who do I…? Hahaha! I think about YOU, ya goofball!!! What the…?"
Ok, now THAT kind of caught me off guard! "Wait...what? ME??? Why ME???"
"Well, you're my boyfriend, aren't you? Who else would I be thinking about?"
"Hehehe, well I dunno! Some celebrity. An actor. A pop star. A boy model. A super hot Youtuber or something, maybe?" I said, blushing furiously myself.
"You are so weird, sometimes." He grinned. "That stuff doesn't matter to me. I prefer sitting here with you, watching the sunset and having a few awesome slices of pizza with my sweetie over any of that other stuff." He gave my hand a little squeeze, and he says, "Why don't you ever think that I see you the same way you see me? You're so beautiful. I'm just as nervous and overwhelmed as you are. You're sexy to me. I wish I had a way to make you believe me."
I shrugged my shoulders. "I don't think I know how to be sexy, to be honest. I don't feel very sexy. I don't even know how to flirt with my own boyfriend without being extremely offensive." It was a joking shot at myself, but I still felt a bit guilty about it.
"Maybe that's what makes you sexy. Did you ever think of that?" He smirked. "I like being able to talk to you. I like to have my mind stimulated, my emotions appreciated, my soul inspired. Anybody can be pretty and get ‘attention', but that doesn't really do anything for my spirit, you know? You engage me in a way that nobody else ever has before. I think that's the most beautiful thing about you. Boys like you are a lot harder to find than most people ever want to admit."
"I don't know if all this is making me feel better or worse. Heh..." I said. "...But thanks."
At that moment, Rory sort of peeked around at the rest of the park. People were pretty much wandering around, not paying us any attention at all. Not even at the act that we were holding hands and had exchanged a few kisses out in the open. Then, with a mischievous smirk...he told me to scoot a little bit closer. Which I thought was a bit weird, since we were already sitting close enough for our shoulders to touch.
Not that being closer to Rory could ever be seen as a bad thing.
Now our thighs were touching, and Rory leaned over to cup his hand and whisper in my ear, "You wanna know what I think about when I've got you on my mind?" I gasped a little bit, and Rory giggled in the cutest way at my reaction. Not to mention that the warmth of his whispered breath on my ear and cheek was already enough to drive me crazy!
"Hehehe...Rory..." I blushed.
"No, come here...I'll be quiet. Promise. Lean over..." I began to giggle uncontrollably for little to no reason at all, but I did what my sweetie told me to do. He cupped his hand over my ear again, and he seemed to be whispering into it even more closely than he was before. "I always picture things starting out with you coming over to my house one night when my parents are gone...and I take you by the hand...and I lead you to my bedroom and shut the door behind us." Oh wow. Is Rory really doing this right now? "Then I smile at you while I close the blinds and the curtains so we can have some privacy, and I stand in front of you, and we hold hands again. Then you kiss me on the lips. Softly at first...and then with a little bit more passion. I try to slow myself down, but I can't help it. Your lips are so sweet. So amazing. I can't help but to yearn for more. And that's when I feel the increasing tightness in my pants, my erection growing to full hardness as I revel in the taste of your tongue entering my mouth..."
"Omigod!" I said, involuntarily leaning away from him. I don't know why I did that. A knee-jerk reaction, I suppose.
Rory playfully grabbed me by the shirt collar. "Hehehe! Where are you going? Come back here!"
"We're just kissing. Of COURSE there's more! Come here..." God, he was so cute, and so close, and this...this whispering thing is turning me on WAY more than I ever thought it would. "...Ok, so...we're tongue kissing like crazy, right?" Oh God! There really WAS more! "I bring my arms up to rest on your shoulders, and I run my fingers through the soft strands of your hair, and your hand slide downward. First, you rest them on my hips...then move them to the small of my back...and then you slide them down further until you grip the globes of my ass, and use them to pull me closer, crushing my hardness against yours." Ok, so…I was physically trembling at this point, making sure to cross my arms over my lap to suppress one of the most painfully rock hard boners that I've ever had in my life! "But soon...it's not enough. And I reluctantly break our kiss to back up to my bed, and I scoot back on the mattress, pulling you down on top of me. I spread my legs wide, allowing you to slide in between them...getting goosebumps as I relish the erotic grinding of your hips into me, whimpering out loud as you mover your sensual kiss to the exposed nape of my neck...leaving my lips free to gently moan your name."
"Wow..." I whispered, my eyes darting around us to see if anybody in the public eye was watching or hearing this. But...nope. They didn't seem to notice. And if they noticed, they didn't care. So I just let myself surrender to Rory's fantasy and see where it goes from here.
Rory's voice became breathy and deep as he added, "It feels soooo good to have you on top of me. To suck on my neck. To push your manhood against me until we both feel like we're ready to explode. And even though it feels like my heart can barely stand the virgin rush of emotions that are pumping through it, unrestricted...it still doesn't feel like enough. You sense this. You know me so well. You can feel my hips pushing up into you as your humping works to push me back down to the mattress. And then you get up on your knees, and you reach for the bottom of my shirt to pull it up over my head. My nipples getting hard instantly as the fabric passes over their sensitive tips. Then I watch as you pull your shirt up to, exposing more of your skin to me than I've ever seen before. And you're flawless. Beautiful beyond words."
"Well, I don't know if I'm flawless or anything. It's not like I've got a six pack or anything..."
"Shhhh!" He said. "Hehehe! Is this your fantasy or mine?"
"Oops. Hehehe, sorry! Ahem...'flawless' chest, gorgeous face, 12 inch penis...continue."
"Let's not get carried away here." He giggled. "I said it was a fantasy, not a delusion."
"Ouch!" I grinned.
"Hush!" He pulled me back over to whisper some more. I am LOVING this! "You reach for the button and zipper on my pants...and I have a brief moment of hesitation. Am I going to really do this? Is this the moment? But as I look at your cute face, those pretty eyes practically sparkling as I see my love for you reflected in their cherished gaze...all of my questions melt away. And this is the time. I know it is. And I embrace it with my whole heart. So I lift my butt up and let you slide my pants, and then my black boxer briefs, all the way down my legs and dropping them on the floor at the foot of the bed. I feel my erection jump in anticipation as you stand up and begin to take your pants off as well. I've been waiting sooooo very long for this. And our eyes stay locked on one another as you crawl back on the bed and move between my legs again, your lips reaching out for me as we engage in another...breathless...kiss." I swear, if Rory's not careful, I'm going to end up making a mess in the pants I'm wearing NOW! "I've never kissed another boy while we were naked before. I find it to be a totally different experience. The warm slide of your bare skin against mine...it's so intoxicating. We get so excited that our moans get louder, your thrusting gets more aggressive, and I realize that I LIKEthat! We hump and twist and grind and wiggle against one another, until...before either one of us can stop or hold it back any longer...we erupt with blast upon blast of heated seed. It squirts up between us, making our tangled embrace slippery and wet...the sensations of my first shared orgasm shooting through me like little bolts of lightning. I hold onto you with both arms, both legs, and I kiss you with a level of craving that exhausts me….my body giving you all the energy that it could produce as my throbbing erection does it's best to calm down and begin the process of recharging for another romp. Hopefully, in just another few minutes. Just enough time for me to catch my breath...and whisper, ‘I love you', in your ear before letting you roll over beside me."
I sat there completely silent for a moment.
I actually felt like Rory and I had just had sex in the park! Honestly! I don't think I've ever heard anything so hot in all my life! What the…?
That's when Rory leans away from me, and casually says, "So, yeah. There's that." Hahaha! Is he friggin KIDDING me???
"RORY! Dude!" I said, my eyes wide. My jaw almost dropped down to my chest. "Where the heck did you learn how to do that???"
"Hehehe, do what?"
"THAT!!! Whisper a whole, super hot, fantasy in my ear like that! Jesus Christ!"
Rory's easy blush deepened a bit as he brushed some of his bright blond hair out of his eyes. "Online erotic stories. I guess you could say that I've read enough of them to pretty much figure out how these things work." He said. "There was this one writer that I really liked, but I don't think he's writing stuff anymore. Or, at least he hasn't in a really long time, so...I dunno, I guess I'll have to find myself a new favorite. Hehehe!" Then he's like, "So...did you like it?"
"LIKE it??? I'm surprised that I made it all the way to the end! Omigod!"
"Wow! Ok. Good. I'm glad!" He said. "I've got more. And it goes a LOT further. Hehehe, but I'll leave you with that little taste for now."
I was really speechless. Hearing him talk like that just...I don't know...it kind of put Rory in a whole new category all of a sudden. Not in a bad way, of course. I just...I think I've been treating Rory like this delicate little flower that was meant to be viewed from a certain distance. Which is probably why I let Kyle and Jason talk me into doing something so STUPID earlier! But...wow...he really does think about this stuff the same way that I do. I'm not taking that to mean that I can jump his bones now, or make rude and lustful comments whenever I feel like it, I just...I don't know. It makes me feel like less of a pervert for wanting him as badly as I do. For picturing him totally naked when we talk. Or...you know...for having a few fantasies of my own before I go to bed every night. And, yes...I do mean EVERY night! Holy cow!
Clearing my throat, I said, "I have to admit...I'm surprised. Impressed, but surprised."
"Yeah, well...like I said...I think about this stuff too."
"And you still have never...you know? Because I'm sure you could have, LONG before I came along." I said.
Rory was still holding my hand, but I noticed him sort of looking down at his shoes when he answered me. "I don't know. Maybe. I think about it a lot. I read about it a lot. But that's different. I guess the whole idea worries me a little bit. Is that weird? I don't know. Maybe I have some kind of strange hang up or something."
"I don't think it's a hang up." I said. "If you're one of those guys that wants to wait for something like that to be special and meaningful...I don't see anything wrong with that. I mean, I'm anxious about it myself. I feel like...I really want to...but it's out of my reach right now. Like...it's waaaaaay up on this super high shelf at astore, and the only way for me to grab it would be if I stood on a really really tall, old, rickety, ladder in a high wind to get it! Hehehe, if that makes any sense!"
"Omigod, YES! Exactly! It's a bit scary." He said. "Well...not scary, so much, just...you know what I mean." I nodded, and he was like, "I can't help but to wonder what it'll really be like. My first time. I can't really talk to anybody about it. Not with any real details, anyway. And porn is no real help. It all seems so exaggerated to me. I'm not sure how I would react if I really committed to something for real. Not just fantasies. I have no idea what to expect."
"Yeah. That kind of makes sense." One would think that I would be disappointed in Rory's feelings about actually being able to touch him the way I've always dreamed about. But I wasn't. In fact, hearing him say the words out loud, I began to realize that I felt pretty much the same way. That might be why I never pressured him into anything naughtier than a trip to the movies and a date at a sandwich place up until this point. Why flirting with him was so incredibly awkward, when I had no way to make him any hot sexual promises that I wasn't sure that I'd be able to keep or not. I'm still a novice trying to fly a passenger plane in all this. Rushing it only makes me nervous.
Hearing that Rory was willing to wait until he was more comfortable with all this, extremely hot whispered teases and all...didn't disappoint me at all. If anything...I felt...'relieved'.
I told him, "I keep thinking that I'm ready. My body and my mind isn't quite in sync just yet, though. When I imagine...you know...us, I only think of the sexy parts. Hehehe, I mean...I have no idea how to GET to the sexy parts, or what to do AFTER the sexy parts...but the sexy parts themselves are pretty, ummm...'entertaining'." I blushed.
"Yeah. Me too." Rory said, flashing me a loving smile. I could feel his thumb rubbing back and forth over the back of my knuckles, and I can't imagine anything being more soothing. "I don't want you to think that I'm never gonna be...available or anything..."
"No! No way." I said. "It's totally cool. I swear."
"I just can't help but to think about all of this extra stuff when I try to psyche myself up to be ready. And then I end up talking myself out of it." Rory has this really beautiful way of staring off into space when he digs deep into his emotions and tries to explain them in words. It looks even more amazing in the light of the setting sun. "I keep thinking...what if I'm not ready? What if I don't like it? What if it hurts? What if I'm just...no good at it, you know?"
I giggled out loud. "I highly doubt you on that last one. Hehehe, especially after what you just whispered into my ear."
"That's fiction though. That's the easy part." He smiled. "It's just...Kevin, you're really special to me. And I want this part of us being together to be special too. Something that I can keep close to my heart for the rest of my life, and know that everything was right when it happened."
Giving his hand a tender squeeze, I looked him in the eye. Infatuation levels reaching critical mass. And I said, "I do too. So no rush, ok? I just want to be with you. Anyway that I can be. Just so long as I can see your face, and remember how truly beautiful my very first boyfriend really is." Rory seemed to get a little bit misty eyed, and I added, "That's all I need."
"Thank you, Kevin. You're incredible." He said.
"I'd wait a million years for you. I swear, I would."
He secretly wiped his eyes and giggled, "Well, I'm not gonna make you wait THAT long! Hehehe!"
"But I'd wait. Regardless."
"You won't have to." He said, giving me a quick kiss on the lips. "Let's just say...I think I'm warming up to you pretty quick. And I'll leave it at that."
A flirtatious smile from me.
A flirtatious smile from him.
Sighhhh….being in love is SO cool!