With every step, I felt as though I was becoming more and more enchanted with his very presence. Dallas could do no wrong in my eyes. I found myself trying to put up some sort of invisible wall between us, simply because the emotional connection to his personality was too strong for me to consider my actions being anywhere NEAR predictable. I mean, I felt so lost. So out of control. The only thing that I had to hold on to for some sort of stable foundation in my life was this pretend facade that I wasn't falling head over heels in love with this boy! Dallas was almost too good to be true. But every time I actively searched for a reason to distance myself from his bewitching charms and breathtaking beauty...I came up empty handed. He was just...so snuggle-worthy, you know?
And can he PLEASE stop with the habit of running his fingers through his feathery, dark blond, hair???? Gah!!! It's too cute for me to bear! And he does it ever few minutes and it drives me crazy! I swear...I'm going to tackle him to the ground and shove my tongue down his throat if he keeps doing that!
Godammitt! He's sooooo CUTE!!!
We kept walking and talking for another few blocks, his natural charisma warming my heart with every word that escaped that perfect set of delicious pink lips. But we eventually reached the point on Wade street where we were going to have to part ways for the rest of the day. We both stopped for a moment, I assumed, so we could say goodbye. Already, I was feeling a bit jittery about giving him another casual 'bro hug' before letting him go home. The idea of touching him made me so nervous. Feeling his body heat mixing with mine. Inhaling his signature aroma of boyish flavor. Feeling the tender squish of his lithe body against my own. It caused me to tense up something fierce, but I was lucky enough to get an extra minute or two as Dallas just wanted to stand on the corner and talk for another miute or two.
"I really would love to play in an actual game some time soon. We've got about a week or two until we get some competition, right?" He asked.
"Yeah. I think so. Ummm...North Ridge is our next game, I think."
"Cool!" He smiled. "I'll definitely get my footwork together by then. I'm still gonna be looking out for you to be my wingman out there though. So, you'd better impress me."
I giggled, "Look at you, jumping into the team dynamic and telling me what I need to do! Slow down, there, Superstar! Hehehe!"
"Hey, as long as we win big...I'm a happy camper." He smiled. "Just don't disappoint me out there. Because, you know...the openly 'gay' kid has to look good on the field. It's the only way I've got to prove myself worthy." Dallas was joking when he said it, but it made me wonder how much of that was an actual issue for him in his last school. I mean, when people are expecting you to be anything other than normal just because of who you're attracted to...how can you feel worthy of anything unless you work twice as hard as anybody else to prove it to the judgemental eyes watching you?
I said, "Don't worry. I've got your back, dude. Always. And you won't have to worry about me being one of those 'butt ugly, biohazard ass bitches' that parents complain about! Hahaha! I promise!"
Dallas wrinkled up his forehead for a moment, followed by a soft snicker that caused him to turn away from me for a moment. When I asked him what he was laughing at, he just...he blushed in the cutest way imaginable. "You're not...I mean, like...hehehe, yeah, you're not one of those boys, Trey. Trust me."
What? Wait...am I...? Did he just...? "What do you mean?" I asked.
"Don't sweat it. Just...you're not. K?" He said.
Feeling a series of goosebumps being raised on both arms, I said, "So I'm cute to you? Or, you know...at least average? Less than ugly?" I made it seem like a big joke, but I was genuinely curious now.
"You are FAR from ugly, Trey. I mean, seriously, dude?" He grinned. "Quit looking at me like that. I'm not trying to be creepy or anything here. Just...you're way above average in the looks and personality departments. So...no issues there, dude."
The excitement that was rising up within me began to make me shiver with delight. But I tried to downplay my reaction to his flattery, all while seeing what else I could get him to say, now that I had his attention focused on this particular part of his life. "Really?"
"Yes. Really." He blushed even deeper now.
"Are you blushing?"
"NO! Hehehe!" Then he tried to straighten up a bit, and contain his smile. "Look over there or something. Quit mad dogging me!"
"Am I hot?" I asked.
"I didn't say that." He smirked. "Don't you have to go home or something? Homework and stuff?"
"In a minute." I said. "So...if you had to rate me, on a scale of 1 to 10...10 being one of those 'Steven Luke' boys that you were willing to throw a championship game away for..."
"I was NOT gonna throw away the game for him!"
"Whatever. Hehehe! Where would I rank on your list?"
Dallas gave me a sideways look. "Do you really want to know?"
"I really want to know. Yes. I mean...everybody wants to know how they rank in terms of being boyfriend material, right?" I said.
"Seriously?" Dallas asked. "And no weirdness? Strictly off the record?"
Omigod...he's going to actually tell me! Oh wow! "Yeah! No weirdness. Off the record. I won't tell a soul."
Dallas hesitated for a second, then rolled his eyes a bit, threading his fingers through his golden locks again and driving me CRAZY with his sexy gesture! "Well...honestly...in terms of you being my boyfriend? Like, if I could wish for that and make that happen? You'd be...like...a 9.5 on the list. So....yeah..." Then his face turned really REALLY red as I felt myself getting hard from just hearing him say that. "Are you happy now?"
"...Whoah..." I said softly.
"But DON'T be weird about it ok. I just...it doesn't mean anything. I think you're...you know...you're cute. And you're cool. But I SWEAR that I'm not hitting on you, ok? I'm just saying..." I was quiet for a moment, but it was mostly because I was so...shocked and dazed and confused all at the same time. "I'm sorry, man. Forget I said that. That was crossing the line..." He said.
"Huh?" I didn't even really recognize the length of the pause in our conversation until he started to feel uncomfortable about it. "Oh! No! Dude...it's totally ok. Honestly."
"No, I mean...that was weird. I don't usually say stuff like that out loud, you know? It makes people uncomfortable."
"I'm not uncomfortable." I said. And it was at that very moment that I was wondering if maybe I should say something. I mean, this would be the perfect opportunity to just blurt out the fact that he's the hottest boy that I've ever seen and that I would be PROUD to be his 9.5 worthy boyfriend material boy! Like...right? Just...just say it. He's right there! He'd probably end up feeling bad if I DIDN'T say it, right? Just....just say it! Say something! Tell him! Dammit, Trey...TELL HIM!!! "You're...pretty awesome...too."
Omigod, I wanted to CRY over how lame and nervous I was in that moment! I'm so verbally clumsy sometimes!
"Hehehe, thanks." Dallas said. Then, after another brief pause, he said, "Ok, this is just getting awkward now. I should go. But it was cool talking with you, Trey. See you soon, ok?"
"Oh...yeah. Ok. I'll...I'll catch up with you later." I said as he began to walk away from me, already kicking myself for not taking advantage of the one chance to scream about how badly I wanted to kiss him when I should have. "Ummm...seeya!"
He smiled and said, "Later."
Then, with a tremble in my chest, I called out to him and said, "A 9.5, huh? That's pretty high up."
He gave me the cutest smile EVER, and said, "You're easily charming you way up to a perfect 10. Not that you had all that far to go in my eyes." Then he winked at me and said, "Take care, Trey."
Why didn't I say what I really wanted to say? I don't even know what I was afraid of. He's GAY, you dumbass! He likes boys! He likes ME specifically! He was even willing to tell me that I was one of the boys that he looks at when he's boy watching! Like...I'm totally on his radar. What am I doing? How did I screw this up? That's so fucking STUPID of me!
I don't know what happened. I just...I froze, you know? I got lost in my own 'hetero' identity, and couldn't force my way past it in time for him to see it clearly. I've spent so much time being terrified of having my personal closet door flung open for the world to see what was inside, that even when I want to peek out and take a shot at being happy with a dreamy boy like Dallas for the first time ever...I can't do it! Like...I can't!
It's not FAIR, I tell you! Boys and girls get to have open crushes and stuff all the time. Why cant I? Why can't I just appreciate the beauty and grace of another boy without feeling like some kind of pervert? It's just a harmless infatuation with the potential of growing into something truly amazing in the future once we're both on the same page. What is society so afraid of? Fuck!
It bothered me the whole rest of the way home. I just kept thinking about how that whole interaction with Dallas could have gone a whole other way if I had done things differently. Does he really rate me that high on his list of boys that he'd like to...you know...'be' with? Does he think that I'm straight? He probably thinks I only like girls. Ugh...the look on his face when I got quiet. It wasn't like a painful look. But I could tell that he regretted saying what he said. And I gave him not one moment of relief by letting him know that he shouldn't regret it at all. I should have sucked it all in and validated hs feelings by letting him know that I felt the same way. I mean...if I'm this torn up over not being able to express my love for someone that I find stunningly beautiful...just imagine how he feels. Because there are already boys who are paranoid and suspicious of how he looks at them already. Paranoid and suspicious enough to make him want to change clothes and shower in different parts of the locker room from the rest of us. I just...I wish that I had the courage to be on his side of this madness, you know? I really do.
But...as I walked home alone that day, I couldn't let go of the realization of what a coward I had been. I should have said something! ANYTHING! It's not like I expected Dallas to be madly in love with me or anything, but I could have placed a few breadcrumbs that might lead him in that direction, if he knew that I was interested in him. I mean, like...I love you too! Right? I could have, at the very least, opened the door to us spending some quality time together. Maybe feel one another out, figure out if we're both feeling the same way? I missed my opportunity, didn't I? I totally missed it. I'm so fucking stupid! I'm gonna hate myself for this later. Watch.
I went to my room and just sort of tossed myself back on the back to stare at the ceiling for a while. There were so many things that I wanted to say to him. So many ways that I could have expressed myself. Why didn't I do it? I know that I'm a big teenage virgin with no experience with this type of thing, but...I mean...this is how I'm supposed to learn this stuff, right? By taking a few risks? A few challenges? A little trial and error that might be embarrassing but will ultimately teach me whatever lessons that I need to learn when it comes to...talking to some of the cutest boys on Earth.
Wow...a 9.5, he said. A 9.5! And I could charm my way towards a perfect 10? Just...wow.
Dallas Nicolero...a total blond hottie, and gay, and available...thinks that highly of me. I have NO reason to not go for it. Even if I'm only gay in secret...if he's willing to be gay in secret with me, I could totally do this. I could be, like...his boyfriend. And he could be mine. Oh my God...can you imagine what it would be like to kiss him? To hug him close enough for our bodies to touch and hump each other. I got hard immediately just thinking about it.
I got up and locked my bedroom door, just to be safe...then I grabbed a few tissues from the box on my desk, and pulled my pants and boxers off before laying back on my bed again. Legs spread wide...it only took a few wet licks of my palm before I reached down to grab a hold of my erection and feel the relief of giving my lustful thoughts some attention after struggling with the meaningless task of holding them at bay since seeing him after practice. I just...I needed some self abuse for a few minutes, ok? I'm fourteen...give me a break.
My thoughts always start with me kissing his sweet lips. Dallas has really cute lips. I didn't even know that lips could be cute until I saw his. They're just so perfect when added to the rest of his stunning face, you know? And those dark golden locks of his. As my initial strokes cause my legs to splay themselves even wider, my ass clenching its muscles as I gently thrust my hips up, my clenched fist holding me tight as I slid it up and down with growing urgency.
I edge myself a few times...almost reaching the point of no return, but pulling it back just seconds before so as not to waste a perfectly good orgasm on a 'quickie'. I thought about Dallas' legs in those soccer shorts, and how sexy the looked as he stretched and flexed them...running up and down that field with ease. I thought about his voice as he smiled at me and basically told me that he thought I was really cute to my face. I thought about what I might see if I ever walked over to his side of the locker room when he took that towel away from his waist. His delicious body on display for my hungry eyes to devour to my heart's content. I thought about those deep, dark brown, eyes of his staring into mine as I leaned in to let our tongues mingle in the most intimate way.
Oh God...I'm so close...and I haven't even really thought about the sex stuff yet.
The idea of dragging my tongue over the smooth surface of those long legs always leaves me breathless when I masturbate. It's like...emotional candy for me. But, even more than that...I imagine licking the soft wrinkles of his tender sack, and hearing him whimper with sexual bliss as he wriggled helplessly from the sensation. Sucking his balls into my mouth and tasting the sweet flavor of the dreamiest boy ever. And then moving up to suck his hardness into my mouth, pleasuring him to extremes that he never though possible until he couldn't contain his lustful passions any longer. I imagine his hands on my head, pushing me down further, and trembling with a series of pre-orgasmic spasms as he prepared himself for the downward dip of the sensual roller coaster that was he was riding on. My hand sped up, and I had to take a hold of the tissues beside me as I knew that I wasn't going to be able to edge myself any further. Oh God...it feels so good. Soooooooo damn good!
As my fantasy had Dallas pushing himself into my mouth, his eyes closed, breathing in deep gasps...I imagined him finally letting himself unload in my mouth. Just...blasts of heated seed splashing over the surface of my tongue, whining in a high pitched voice as those tasty legs of his closed themselves on either side of my face...rubbing and sliding against my cheeks as I ravenously swallowed his offering like the flavorful ambrosia that it was. Slick, and sticky...thick with a volume that only a horny teen ejaculation can bring. Oh God...I would leave that boy so breathless if I had the chance! I SWEAR I would!
It was then that I came HARD into the tissues that I had in my hand. I had to look down and wrap my hand around my shaft at the last possible second...and when the throbbing pulse of my intense climax took control of me...there was so much liquid that the tissues actually began to leak. Rivers of cum slid down both sides of my shaft, and my fingers were soaked with the excessive offering that my shivering shaft had to offer this afternoon. I mean, I had to wait for a full minute or two before even thinking of cleaning myself up. I had to catch my breath, after all. But when I opened my eyes and saw the big mess that I had made all over myself, I started working to get it under control. Geez! Only Dallas can make me cum with that level of ferocious craving. Ugh! It was all between my fingers...it's in my pubes...wait, did some get on my bed sheets? I must have needed that much more than I thought I did.
What can I say? Dallas excites me. Like...in a major way.
He's gay. He's cute. He thinks I'm fun to be around. I need to stop being such a chicken and just, like...talk to him, you know? He doesn't have a boyfriend or anything. So, why not take a shot, right? Before he gets interested in somebody else. I'm going to totally STAB myself in the gut if Dallas goes off and starts dating some other asshole simply because I waited too long to throw my hat in the ring. You know?
I'll do it. I'll be 'careful' about it...because I don't think I'm as comfortable being all open and 'living out loud' as he is just yet...but I don't want to lose this opportunity. He's perfect for me. He's SO perfect!
It's time I let him know that!