Was I pacing? Like...physically pacing? I felt like I should be super thrilled about all of this, but I felt more nervous than ever. In fact, if I wasn’t careful about the way I was shaking and shivering in my own skin...I was going to make myself sick from the inner turbulence.
I was sooooo uncomfortable at that moment! I mean, I wanted Rory. Words can’t even express how much I craved being alone with him and being able to snuggle and kiss and caress one another with all of the passion that we’ve been holding back from one another since we first started talking to one another. I mean, I never would have thought that I’d ever even be able to talk to a boy this abnormally gorgeous in my life...much less DATE one! What is so special about me that would allow such a sudden tidal wave of magically beneficial karma to sweep me off my feet this way, and subject me to an experience that doesn’t feel like it could be anything other than some kind of cruel joke in the end?
I just couldn’t settle into the idea that such a thing was possible.
But...in the unlikely case that I wasn’t totally out of my fucking mind and might be able to make a go of this...I wanted to try to seal the deal before the opportunity passed me by. Ugh! I hope I didn’t come off like Kyle and Jason used to sound when hunting for ‘ten scores’ on those dating apps online. I mean, I’m not that guy. I don’t have it in me to target cute boys like that. There’s a part of me that wishes that I could...simply because it seems like it would be hot and sexy and a whole lot of fun. But my heart won’t let me. I’d take one shaky chance at getting my heart broken over a total angel like Rory over a thousand guaranteed hookups with a bunch of boys that I’d be fortunate to never see again later on when I’m in a real relationship later on.
What can I say? I’m more tempted by the long game than a variety of quickies.
Still...as I paced back and forth in my bedroom, looking at my phone on the bed, I felt this extreme conflict in the pit of my stomach...wondering if I should call Rory up and maybe take advantage of an empty house and an hour or two of total privacy. I feel like I’m going to regret it forever if I don’t suck it up and try to make some kind of move that will bring us even closer than we already are. But...
...I’ve already screwed this up before. TWICE, in fact! And as much as I crave his succulent beauty and the feel of his naked skin and heated embrace...I highly doubt that I’m going to get another chance to love him without making him feel like some kind of throwaway ‘boy whore’ with my awkward approach towards intimacy. I mean, I’m not really good at this kind of thing. I barely know how to hold myself together around him. I’m a teenager...and a virgin on top of it. It’s not like there’s an honors class for this kind of thing. And even if there was...I’d probably fail, because education and training gets thrown out the window when you’re actually lost in the MOMENT and you have the most beautiful boy you’ve ever seen standing right there and staring you right in the face! I mean...give me a fucking BREAK! Jesus! I’m totally lost here, and trying to apply rational thought to a totally irrational series of events! Anybody who tells you that they could do it better is either lying or delusional. So just, like...leave me alone.
I’m working things out as best as I can.
Should I call him?
I probably shouldn’t. No. This is an obvious booty call. Rory is going to sense that right away, and he’s going to ditch me for being a perv.
No. I’m not going to call him. I’ll just...ugh...I’ll...
Wait...what if I don’t call him and he’s, like...upset that I didn’t call him? It’s not like I’m not interested. Trust me...nothing would be hotter than having Rory in my bedroom, acting out some of those extremely sensual whispers that he shared with me in the park. God, I’m getting rock hard just thinking about it. Imagine if we could get something like that going while my mom was away...and we ended up being even closer because of it. Hell, I’d do it just to piss Jason off and shout, “We finally had sex!!! How you like me now, asshole???”
Wait, that’s a bad reason to have sex. I shouldn’t do that.
But I want to. I...I should call. Just to talk to him for a little bit. I mean, Rory might even be busy tonight. What am I even worried about? I want to call him. I NEED to call him! Ok...here we go...
I picked up the phone and tried to shake the nervous jitters out as quickly as I could. This was important, you know? I needed to get my game face on. It’s ringing. Maybe he won’t pick up? It might go straight to voicemail or something. Or maybe it’ll just...
“Hello?” He said! GAH!!!! His voice! Omigod, I love his voice!
“Happy birthday!” I blurted out, immediately cringing from the ‘un-coolness’ of my panicked reply. “Ummm...sorry.” NO!!! Don’t apologize! Now I just drew more attention to how amazingly clumsy that comment was!
“Hehehe, thanks, Kevin. But my birthday is over and done with now.”
“Well...this is an early birthday greeting. Might as well get a head start on next year, right?” Whew! Nice save! That was kind of smooth, right? I think that was smooth.
“You’re awesome, you know that? Hehehe! Thanks!” He said.
“You...well, I mean...you’re awesome too. Like...really...ummm...” Ugh! I used to know how to talk like a normal person before this conversation, didn’t I? What happened. “...Love you...” WHAT?!?! What the fuck did I say THAT for??? That was SO out of left field! My brain isn’t working right! “Wait...I didn’t mean that like...like it sounded...”
“You didn’t?” He grinned.
“Well, I mean...I did. But I didn’t. I was just...well, I was calling because...wait, before I get into that..”
“I love you too, Kevin.” Rory giggled sweetly, and after having my breath get caught up in my throat, I found myself too weak in the knees to remain standing. Rory said, “It’s not like we’ve never said it before.”
“Yeah, I know.” I told him. “But...I think I’m still getting used to it, you know? I didn’t want you to feel weird about it or anything.”
“Why would I feel weird about it? I love you too.” He said. “You’re pretty much all that I can think about on a daily basis. And just knowing that it’s actual love and not just some shallow infatuation with a random pretty face that I saw online...it makes all the difference, you know?”
“Definitely.” He said. “It’s so cool to be able to talk to someone of substance. Somebody with something to say. Nobody works on their inner value and their ability to give an honest piece of themselves anymore. All they care about is this masquerade of pretending to be some kind of online celebrity and gathering a bunch of strangers to follow them as though it was some kind of ‘currency’ in the real world. It’s boring. You know?”
Practically swooning over the phone, all I could do was sigh and say, “God, I love you.”
“Hehehe, Kevin...you’re making me blush now.” He replied, and I could feel my hands trembling so much that I nearly dropped my phone. “Love you too.”
Was I really going to do this? I should do this. I’m...I’m going to just...just SAY something!
“...Yeah?” He asked, sounding a bit hesitant after hearing the anxiety laced tone of my voice.
“You know...how we were talking about, maybe...getting together some time soon? Which I think would be so GREAT! You know? I really do. Just...you and me. Some day. Maybe even some day soon?”
There was a pause on his end of the phone, and I was worried that I was maybe overstepping my bounds again. We promised to take things slow, and I was ok with that. But...FUCK! I wanted to suck him so hard! I wanted to slowly lick his balls and grab his ass with both hands while having his hot, sweet and sour, boy cum, explode in my mouth until I was literally CHOKING on it!!! How can I even attempt to have a civil conversation with a boy like Rory and not become obsessed with visions of what it would be like to kiss him all over and fuck him silly while trying to hold back one of the most intense orgasms of my fucking LIFE???
But...I guess I was just going to have to suppress all of those feelings as best as I could while my body was throwing some kind of weird biological tantrum. It could only do me more harm than good right now to let loose and surrender to the massive sensual craving swimming around inside my head.
“Are you still there?” Rory asked, after an unnatural silence.
It was so hard to breathe. Fuck! Why can’t I breathe?
“Yeah. I was just gonna say...like...I mean, I know this is sort of a spur of the moment type of thing...” I said. My throat seemed to close up on me, getting tighter and tighter by the second as I fought to keep from vomiting up a rush of infatuated emotions that I doubt I could fully understand, much less attempt to control. “...I was thinking that maybe you could just, like...come over for a while? Hang out for a bit?”
“What? You mean, like...right now?”
“Well, it doesn’t have to be right NOW or anything. Unless...you know...unless you want to just pop on over for the sake of...hanging out.” Am I saying this right? I’m really trying not to sound too desperate or anything. I don’t want to have any big expectations beyond maybe being able to make out with him for a while. But...it sure would be a mind-blowing experience if things could go a little bit further than that. He’s way too hot to not yearn for the moment when I get to see him without his clothes on. Don’t tell me that any other virgin boy wouldn’t want the same thing. If anything, I think I’ve showed a great deal of restraint so far concerning the fucking hottest teen boy on planet Earth! So don’t judge me for being horny on a level that would put most people to shame.
“I...ummm...hold on a sec, ok?” Rory said, and he put his phone down on the bed as he walked out of the room for a quick moment. I couldn’t really make out what he was saying, but it sounded like he was talking to his mom in the background. Was he considering it? Is he really going to come over? Omigod! I started looking at my room, practically spinning in circles as I did a thorough check to make sure that it wasn’t too messy or anything, my heart already racing with adrenaline filled tingled as ideas of all that was possible rushed through my panicked mind. What were they talking about? When is he coming back to the phone? I should prepare myself, shouldn’t I? I don’t want to sound too excited if he comes back and says yes. Then again, I don’t want to sound too disappointed if he says no. I’ll be hoping for the first answer, but I don’t want to make him feel bad if he can’t make it. “Kevin?”
Omigod! There he is! Easy now. “Yeah...I’m here.”
“Cool. Yeah, I can make it out your way in a little bit. Just give me a chance to get myself together, k?”
YES!!! Wait...should I tell him that we’ll probably be here alone for a while? That might be something that I should mention. Then again, he might think twice about letting his guard down if he knew that we’d have some privacy. Am I going slow like I promised? How slow is slow? Shit. This is one of those times that I had Kyle’s experience with this sort of thing.
“Sure. Ok. Whenever you’re ready to leave your house, just give me a holler.” I was trying hard to be as casual about it as I could, but even I could hear my voice trembling like crazy as the swarm of butterflies in my stomach went wild with excitement.
“M’kay. See you soon.” He said, and quietly whispered, “Love you.” Before hanging up. Ugh, I was too lost in my thoughts to say it back to him, not that he gave me much of a chance. He sounded as if he was a little nervous himself, to be honest. But that’s just Rory, right? I mean...as outrageously gorgeous as he was, it would be an understatement to say that he was just an average shy guy. Where his stunning good looks should have inspired nothing but ego and arrogance...it, instead, brought about one of the most bashfully beautiful and undeniably sweet personalities that I’ve ever known. He was amazing. Everything about him was soooo amazing.
I made sure to pick up my room as best as I could. It wasn’t really that messy, but I couldn’t allow myself to miss anything that might be distracting or embarrassing. Not tonight. It’s got to be perfect. I even lit one of my mom’s scented candles from the pantry closet for about ten minutes before blowing it out and have my room smelling like apple orchard trees or something. Whatever. It smelled good. And when Rory finally called back about a half hour later, I found myself practically bouncing on the balls of my feet, telling him that it was cool for him to come over. And from the moment that I hung up...I started making sure that my mom got her act together so she could hurry up and get the fuck out. Hehehe! Constantly telling her not to be late, or that it would take longer if she didn’t squeezed in where she was supposed to. Looking outside the front window, I was like, “Do you think it’s going to rain? It kinda looks like rain. Traffic is going to be pretty slow.” Anything to help her pick up the pace. Rory’s coming over. He’s already on his way. Go, go, go, go, GO!
“Take a look at the menu and tell me what you want me to bring you back from Milo’s...”
“I already wrote it down.” I said, handing her a piece of paper with my order already printed out. “You should get going, don’t ya think?” Anything to get her out of that house without looking too suspicious.
“Alright, alright, already. Geez.” She said, grabbing her purse. “If only I could get you to put this much effort and energy into getting to school on time, I’d have an honor student on my hands.”
Yeah, yeah, yeah. Sure. Just go. “See you in a bit, Mom. Later.” I said, and she sort of gave me a strange look before getting in the car and pulling out of the driveway. Whew! Thank goodness! I rushed back in the house and looked myself up and down in the mirror, teasing my hair so that it was hanging in just the right way. Quick breath check. Teeth? Ok...awesome. I think I’m looking pretty cute tonight. Everything is falling into place. It’s almost like it was destined to be, you know? I like that feeling. It gives me hope.
I nearly jumped right out of my own skin when I heard the doorbell only a few minutes later. SWEET! I hope that’s him! That means we’ll be able to spend the maximum amount of time together before my mom gets back. I have no idea what I’m going to do when she pulls her car back up to the house. I mean, I can’t just tell Rory that he’s got to go and then push him, half naked, out of my bedroom window. But...I don’t know. I’ll deal with that when the time comes. Right now, I just want to look my new boyfriend in his extremely pretty face and feel what it’s like to have him all to myself for a little while. I feel like I’ve spent my whole life waiting for this moment. This is going to be EPIC!
I ran to the door, my sock feet practically setting the living room carpet on fire as I made a quick slide to a stop, fixing myself up just one more time before opening it up. And there he was...standing there with a slightly tilted smirk as he blushed slightly and tilted his head down to keep from paralyzing me with his bright eyes. He was wearing this bright green soccer shirt and white shorts, his outfit making his hair look even more blond than ever before. It was hard to keep from losing my breath, honestly...but I fought the urge to freeze like a deer in headlights as I stepped aside to welcome him in. “Hey...” I said softly.
“Hi...” He replied….even more softly.
Once I closed the door, I just found myself staring at him for a few seconds, totally bewitched by the beauty being presented to me. I might have lost my courage if I hadn’t already been swept up in how much I loved everything about him and had been given permission to stare every now and then if I wanted to. Hehehe! And then...just as he was about to say something to snap me out of my trance...I moved forward and I kissed him on the cheek. “I love you.” I smiled. “Sorry. I forgot to say it back to you on the phone when you called earlier. I meant to, I just...I was drawing a blank at the time.”
“It’s ok. I didn’t even notice.” He said, his blush deepening to turn him a deep boyish shade of pink. It made me lean in and kiss him on the lips this time. This time, he giggled out loud, and he looked around to make sure my mom wasn’t peeking around the corner or anything. “Kevin...hehehe, you’re gonna get us in trouble.”
“Nuh unh...not this time.” I told him.
“Not this time? Wait...so...your mom’s, like...not home?”
I shook my head with a smile. “Nope.”
“Uh huh...” I grinned. “Wanna see? Look...” This time, I kissed him deeply on the lips, letting my lips linger against his while he lightly moaned from the contact. My hands rested themselves on his slender hips, feeling his abdomen flex beneath my fingers as his quickened breath landed on my cheek. And when our tongues touched, it was almost too much for either one of us to handle.
Yeah...just like I said...